Acidly: Nine backcountry skiers met their maker in a snow-packed irony at Lake Tahoe, swallowed whole by an avalanche after deciding to end their trip a day early. Six friends and three "professionals" from Blackbird Mountain Guides, their passion for skiing tragically unmatched by common sense, now require helicopters to retrieve their frozen remains. Investigations will take eons—we wouldn’t want to rush into pointing fingers at negligence, now would we? One thing’s clear: when will thrill-seekers learn that thrilling doesn’t always equal living?

Acidly: In a plot twist fit for a soap opera, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, the royal family's very own scandal magnet, might just get kicked off the throne’s guest list. Arrested over his cozy ties to Epstein, his mere presence in the line of succession is an embarrassment. While Britain’s elite shift in discomfort, King Charles, perhaps channeling his inner Shakespeare, vows to maintain royal "duty." Last time a royal was arrested, heads rolled—literally. Maybe it’s time for Andrew to take a hint and invest in a one-way ticket to obscurity.

Acidly: In a triumph of existential dread, scientists announced the discovery of a new Spinosaurus species, aptly named Spinosaurus mirabilis, because why not remind us of how unimaginative scientists can be? It lived 95 million years ago, feasting on fish—despite being stuck 600 miles from the nearest beach. Equipped with a decorative scimitar crest, it’s the dinosaur equivalent of a hipster. Congratulations, paleontologists, you’ve now made a trip to the Sahara sound... adventurous. Enjoy your fossilized fame—don’t forget the sunscreen.

Acidly: Measles is back and apparently throwing a dramatic comeback tour in the U.S. with 910 cases already reported, just shy of a quarter of the appalling number seen in 2025. Thanks, low vaccination rates! The CDC’s new “less is more” shot schedule might just be the worst marketing ploy since ‘New Coke.’ In New Jersey, vaccination rates teeter at a casual 91.3%. Apparently, parents find MMR too mainstream, opting instead for quirky religious exemptions. Enjoy the outbreaks, folks! It's a measles revival!