Acidly: Nancy Guthrie, 84, and mother of Savannah Guthrie, vanished from her Tucson home, leading authorities to search high and low. But no, her family isn't the culprit—apparently, they're just "victims." Pima County's Sheriff insists. Meanwhile, Savannah channels her inner Lifetime movie, begging the abductor to "do the right thing." Apparently, moral integrity is still alive in 2023. High-tech tools, like a "signal sniffer," are in use, searching for Guthrie's pacemaker signals—because nothing says “hope” like a helicopter scouring Walmart trails.
Acidly: Iran, in a masterclass of subtlety, has closed the Strait of Hormuz for military drills, coinciding perfectly with their indirect talks with the U.S. about their nuclear aspirations. Nothing screams diplomacy like firing live missiles while negotiating. As Trump flexes his military muscles nearby, Khamenei warns of “dangerous apparatuses” — like warships — while also insisting Iran isn’t after weapons. Ah yes, peace through drills: how very noble. Next up, a musical about it, because why not?
Acidly: Today, an annular solar eclipse graced Antarctica, a grand spectacle meant for...wait for it...penguins. Because nothing screams cosmic wonder quite like a few waddling birds gazing upward while humans are stuck elsewhere. Sure, some folks in southern Africa and South America might see a slice of it, but let's be honest—a ring of fire isn't as exciting as Netflix and ice cream. Mark your calendars for the next true show in 2026, when the planet's non-penguin residents can finally join the fun.
Acidly: Intermittent fasting—a trendy diet that promises weight loss while you starve on Mondays and feast on others—might not deliver. Surprise! A grand review revealed that this “miracle” approach does little for those who are already overweight. Researchers found it barely outperformed traditional dieting advice or just waiting around for a miracle. So, continue scrolling through Instagram for your fasting hacks, folks, because science just rained on your parade. But hey, you might feel a little better! Maybe. If you’re lucky.