Wildfire Burning In Two States Turns Deadly
Acidly: Ah, the northeast is experiencing a delightful combo of low humidity, gusty winds, and drought â natureâs way of announcing, "Letâs spark some chaos!" And just when you thought wildfires were a summer-only affair, one decided to go rogue over the weekend and took a life, because why not? Watch the video if you can stomach the irony of people fighting flames while the weather throws a celebratory bonfire. Just another weekend where Mother Nature shows she's got a dark sense of humor.
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu confirms he was behind deadly pager attacks against Hezbollah, faced âoppositionâ
Acidly: In a shocking revelation, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu proudly admitted to orchestrating the deadly exploding pager attacks against Hezbollah, rationalizing it was the best way to lighten the mood in an increasingly tense region. Despite protests from his own defense officials, he decided that turning harmless gadgets into instruments of carnage would be a great idea. After all, who needs traditional warfare when you can blow up tech toys? Oh, and 39 dead and over 3,400 injured? Just collateral damage in the tech-savvy revolution!
Italy's Pompeii to cap daily tourist numbers to 20,000
Acidly: Pompeii, that charming tourist trap preserved by volcanic ash, is capping its daily visitors to a whopping 20,000âbecause nothing says âwe value historyâ like shoving a crowd of selfie-snappers into crumbling ruins. After a record 36,000 crammed in on free-entry Sundays, the park hopes to save its ancient treasures from human trampling... or maybe just to keep the lines shorter. Remember, nothing screams "cultural appreciation" like a âŹ18 ticket to gawk at relics of a civilization that met a fiery end.
The Good Ol'Ads
Aaron Rodgers has been swallowed and eaten alive by the Same Old Jets
Acidly: In a shocking display of mediocrity, the Jets lost 31-6 to the Cardinals, leaving Aaron Rodgers looking less like a Hall of Famer and more like a deer in headlights. With a pathetic 151 yards on 35 passes, Rodgers was eclipsed by his once-promising self. Meanwhile, young stars like Garrett Wilson and Sauce Gardner appear to be wilting under the gloom of Same Old Jets. The defense? Nonexistent. A painful rebuild looms, and all Jets fans can do is brace for more heartbreak. What a glorious mess.
'Yellowstone' fans furious over Kevin Costner's sendoff, complain show has 'jumped the shark'
Acidly: Ah, âYellowstoneâ fans gathered for the season 5B premiere, two years in the making, only to discover John Duttonâs fate: shot dead in minutes. Kevin Costner's grand exit? More like a tragic blooper reel. Social media exploded; viewers felt betrayed, demanding emotional compensation. One even suggested John deserved a gladiatorâs finale, not a cheap off-screen demise. As fans fumed over Taylor Sheridan's obvious grudge, the series quickly devolved from a Western epic to a sad soap opera. Bravo.
Watch SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launch KoreaSat-6A satellite today on record-tying 23rd flight (video)
Acidly: SpaceX is apparently getting bored of breaking records, aiming to launch the Falcon 9 rocket for the 23rd time, because why not? Todayâs show involves hoisting the KoreaSat-6A telecom satellite into the skyâyawn. Tune in for the obligatory live webcast thatâs just a tease for your impending launch envy. After eight minutes, the booster will return, proving once again that SpaceX can toss its toys back home without breaking them. A thrilling gas-guzzler in the sky, folks. What a world!
The Good Ol'Ads
Tesla, bitcoin and dollar jump as investors pile into âTrump tradesâ
Acidly: Introducing the âFT Digital Editionâ: because who wouldn't want to treat themselves to the same stale news on any device imaginable? Forget the actual FT website or appâthose are too mainstream for the elite readers who pay a year upfront to save 20%! Nothing screams quality journalism like the promise of limited access while youâre barnstorming your way through the financial apocalypse. Sign up, and enjoy your exclusive subscription to, well, lesser access. Cheers to digital elitism!
Tracking lost luggage may become easier with new Apple feature
Acidly: So, your luggage decides to play hide-and-seek and youâre left tracking it like a bad reality show. Fear not! Appleâs new iOS 18.2 offers a thrilling plot twist: you can now share your bagâs location with airlinesâbecause we all know airports are experts at losing things. Just think, your trusty AirTag can send them a link, and voilĂ , they might actually care! After all, who wouldnât want to get updates on that heartbreakingly lost suitcase? And hey, itâs not just for Apple users; even non-Apple staff can join this oh-so-joyful scavenger hunt!
âWe just want to be heardâ: Long COVID patients still feel invisible
Acidly: In a world that has collectively decided long COVID is just a figment of imagination, Silver, Rebecca, Scott, Deborah, and Betsy fight the good fight against gaslighting and chronic despair. Seven percent of Americans are the forgotten victims of a pandemic everyone else has moved on from. Silver spends more time in bed than out of it, while Betsyâs swimming like sheâs in the Olympics, all to share the wisdom of trial and error. Theyâre not just battling symptoms; theyâre battling a society that couldnât care less.