Watch: Joe Biden wanders into Amazon rainforest after speech
Acidly: In a bid to save the planet, 81-year-old Joe Biden took a stroll through the treacherous Amazon rainforest, looking like a dad lost at a music festival. After preaching to the trees about climate change, he announced a $50 million donation to the Amazon Fund. Why bother cutting down on actual harmful emissions when you can just throw money at the problem, right? Meanwhile, his successor, Donald Trump, probably has a golf course planned right where those trees stood. Progress!
Biden Allows Ukraine to Strike Russia With Long-Range U.S. Missiles
Acidly: In a shocking twist, President Biden greenlights Ukraine to use U.S.-made long-range missiles against Russia. As if North Korea wasnât enough, now weâve got their troops joining the party in Kursk. Bidenâs about-face has his advisers in a tizzyâwhat a surprise, right? Just in time for Trumpâs arrival, who pledges to dial back support. Zelensky? Heâs more concerned about missile counts than announcements. Because, apparently, missiles say more than words ever could. Brilliant logicâespecially in a war.
Musk rebuked after siding with Meloni on Italy's foreign migrant centres
Acidly: Elon Musk, newly minted czar of 'Government Efficiency' under Trump, has decided Italy needs a bit of meddling. His decree that âthese judges need to goâ sent shockwaves through a country already wrestling with its judiciary over the detention of asylum seekers in Albania. Italian President Mattarella responded with a friendly reminder that Italy can clean its own house. Meanwhile, Musk's bond with PM Meloni proves that when it comes to chaos, only a tech billionaire can amplify the drama.
The Good Ol'Ads
Chiefs lose for the first time in 2024, fall to Bills 30-21
Acidly: Well, folks, the Chiefs finally dropped a game, ending their little undefeated fairy tale. After 338 days of pretending they were invincible, the Bills woke them up with a rude 30-21 smackdown. Pat Mahomes, the supposed miracle worker, threw not one, but two interceptions like he was handing out Halloween candy. Meanwhile, Josh Allen strolled in for a 26-yard touchdown, clearly unfazed by the Chiefs' defense not even showing up. Congrats, Dolphins! You can keep your 'last undefeated' titleâtotally well deserved.
Box Office: Dwayne Johnsonâs $250 Million-Budgeted âRed Oneâ Debuts to Chilly $34 Million
Acidly: "Red One," Dwayne Johnson's Christmas caper meant to rescue Santa, debuted with a lukewarm $34.1 million, barely covering a fraction of its $250 million budget. Critics panned itâwith a deliciously rotten 33% on Rotten Tomatoesâyet audience charmed it with an âA-â grade. Despite topping the box office, the film's success claim hinges on stretching its run through the holidays. Meanwhile, with upcoming contenders like "Wicked" and "Gladiator II," it's clear Amazon's holiday cheer wonât be on this jolly sleigh ride for long.
Mummy of a juvenile sabre-toothed cat Homotherium latidens from the Upper Pleistocene of Siberia | Scientific Reports
Acidly: In a shocking twist worthy of reality TV, scientists are measuring mummies as if they're preparing for a beauty pageant. Enter the Badyarikha mummy, allegedly resembling a three-week-old lion cubâa far cry from feline royalty. This little pile of ancient remains boasts longer, thicker necks and fluffier fur, while trying to outshine its tiger cub counterpart with impressive rib counts. The mummy's facial features are a bizarre cocktail of distortion and decay. Who needs a lion when you have this mint-condition mess trying to be the next big cat model?
The Good Ol'Ads
E. coli outbreak linked to organic carrots leaves 1 dead and dozens sickened across the US
Acidly: In a delightful twist of fate, 18 states are currently enjoying a side of E. coli with their organic carrots, courtesy of Grimmway Farms. Since September, 39 folks have decided hospital beds are more glamorous than their own, with one tragically taking the ultimate plunge. If you thought your carrot stash was safe, think again! Those âbest-byâ dates are now best left in the trash. But donât fret; you can still clean your surfaces after dining on the crunchy contraband. Bon appĂ©tit, America!
No, Apple CEO Tim Cook Didn't Say He Prefers Logitech's MX Master 3 Over the Magic Mouse
Acidly: In the thrilling saga of corporate mouse preference, we find Appleâs CEO, Tim Cook, embroiled in a scandal over his supposed favoritism for the Logitech MX Master 3. Spoiler alert: he never said it! The Wall Street Journal got it wrong, followed by The Mac Observer amplifying a rumor faster than a kid with a new iPhone. Meanwhile, The Verge's Wes Davis, in his quest to touch everything Apple makes in a day, casually employed a Logitech mouse. Guess what, folks? Timâs still all about that Magic Mouse! Shocking, right?
First U.S. Case of Severe Form of Mpox Reported in California
Acidly: In a riveting twist of fate, the first U.S. case of Clade Ib mpox, the virus that makes Africa its own personal hellscape, has emerged from a California couch potato fresh off an East Africa trip. The CDC assures us the risk of outbreak is "low"âa comforting thought for anyone who finds solace in sarcasm. As public health officials scramble like it's a game of tag, the irony is delicious: a disease that previously targeted the vulnerable now waltzes through the affluent West. Cheers to modern medicine!