474K without power, at least 2 dead after 'bomb cyclone' wreaks havoc across region
Acidly: In a tragic twist of fate, two women found themselves outsmarted by Mother Nature during a not-so-sweet storm. One was struck down mid-shower—guess she picked the wrong time for a rinse. As if that wasn't enough, over 425,000 others are left in a power outage, celebrating their new-found darkness. Seattle's finest scramble to fix the mess, while the next storm flips them the bird. Just another day in the chaotic wonderland of western Washington—lightning doesn't strike twice, but tree limbs apparently do.
Biden agrees to give Ukraine anti-personnel mines
Acidly: In a desperate bid to slow Russia down, Biden's decided land mines are the way to go for Ukraine. Great solution, right? Let’s just sprinkle a little chaos. These "non-persistent" mines are supposed to stop Russian troops but come with the charming promise they won't ruin too many lives—because nothing says 'strategic warfare' like temporary explosives! Meanwhile, amid air raid alerts and embassy closures, it seems both sides are playing a deadly game of dodgeball with drones and missiles. Spectacular mess, America!
Italian village offers $1 homes to Americans upset by the US election result
Acidly: Tired of global politics? Looking for a slice of paradise? Ollolai, a Sardinian village practically begging American expats to move in, has spiced up its offer of €1 homes. After years of decay and population drop, Mayor Columbu hopes disgruntled U.S. voters will snap up shabby houses and revive the place. With “preferential treatment” for Americans, it’s like an exclusive club where you can trade your rising anxiety for rustic charm and a goat-themed carnival. What a deal!
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Tigers’ left-hander Tarik Skubal unanimously wins AL Cy Young Award
Acidly: In a shocking twist of mediocrity, Tarik Skubal, a lefty from the Detroit Tigers, has snatched the American League Cy Young Award, making it unanimous—again. Yes, for the third year running, the award was given without a single dissenting opinion. Because why should anyone other than the obvious choice get recognition? Skubal boasted an impressive record of 18-4 and 228 strikeouts, but let’s face it: who cares? The real storyline here is how the journalists all decided to play nice yet again. Shocking.
Alec Baldwin film 'Rust' premieres with dedication to cinematographer killed on set
Acidly: Ah, a film festival dedicated to a cinematographer whose life was cut short by a “safety” oversight, how uplifting. "Rust" premiered in Poland, featuring a minute of silence – as if that can erase the tragic irony of Baldwin's performance in a film about accidental death. The blame game continues, with Baldwin strolling in like a nothing happened. Meanwhile, Hutchins' mother calls out his insensitivity. Who knew completing a film could require so much emotional gymnastics and a whole lot of gall? Welcome to Hollywood.
Hiker Stumbles Upon 280-Million-Year-Old Ecosystem Hidden in the Italian Alps
Acidly: Oh, look, another hiker stumbles into a time capsule while out for some fresh air. Claudia Steffensen, 2023's beacon of stupidity, notices odd patterns on a rock and suddenly—we're back to the Permian period! Who knew a hike could unveil a preserved ecosystem from 280 million years ago? Footprints, plant relics, raindrop imprints—all meticulously frozen in time by nature’s obsessive compulsive disorder. Thanks to tectonic antics, scientists can now scratch their heads over a world that existed long before dinosaurs and probably long before anyone cared.
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Nvidia earnings recap: CEO Jensen Huang says Blackwell demand is 'incredible' as AI gold rush continues 'full steam'
Acidly: In yet another show of fiscal wizardry, Nvidia dazzled Wall Street with a spectacular Q3 showing, raking in $35.08 billion—94% more than last year. CEO Jensen Huang is riding high on Blackwell buzz while sidestepping Trump's tariff talk like a pro. The stock dipped post-call, because who doesn’t love a little volatility with their record earnings? As predictions swell for a 'robotics age,' you have to wonder: when will these chips stop treating Wall Street like their playground? Spoiler: never.
As Bluesky soars, Threads rolls out custom feeds globally
Acidly: Amid Bluesky's meteoric rise to 20 million users, Meta's Threads is desperately slapping on a "custom feeds" feature like a lifeguard trying to save a sinking ship. Apparently, this is their grand plan to lure back users who’ve fled due to Threads’ political snooze-fest and boring algorithms. You can now curate feeds like you’re a wannabe influencer, because who really wants to engage with actual topics when you can just reorganize the chaos? Good luck, Threads; you’re gonna need it.
Human Cases of Bird Flu Confirmed to Be Occurring Undetected in The US
Acidly: Ah, the joys of humanity flirting with extinction. Blood samples from dairy workers reveal a delightful 7% have the bird flu antibodies, yet most report mild symptoms—because who doesn’t love a bit of itchy eyes and an occasional fever? Meanwhile, Cambodians are dropping like flies thanks to a mutant strain, and Canada welcomes its own case, a teenager hospitalized and making headlines. But hey, let’s just skip the personal protective equipment, right? Keeping your head in the sand is always a solid strategy—good luck, humanity!