Trump Says He Will Replace F.B.I. Director With Kash Patel
Acidly: President-elect Trump, in a bid for chaos, wants to replace FBI Director Wray with Kash Patel, who dreams of turning the FBI into a glorified neighborhood watch. Patel's solution? Dismantle the agency and crack down on law enforcement like a kid smashing his toys in a tantrum. Trump’s knack for nominating unqualified sycophants continues, echoing that time he tried to make Matt Gaetz attorney general. The Senate will have a field day with this one—grab your popcorn for the upcoming circus!
Islamist rebels in Syria catch Assad, Putin, Iran regimes off guard giving US new mideast headache
Acidly: Oh, joy! Extremists have snagged Aleppo, a city that’s practically a war monument at this point. The U.S. is now in a panic over its brilliant strategy of playing whack-a-mole with regimes and terrorists alike. Jason Brodsky frets over the rebranded Al-Qaeda fan club possibly getting cozy with Assad's former toys—poison gas anyone? The U.S. troops are just hanging around like unwanted guests at a party gone wrong. Meanwhile, Iran’s still playing its deep state games. Cheers to chaos!
She went on vacation to Southern Italy and decided she’s never returning to the United States
Acidly: Michele Blackmon, a 68-year-old former luxury realtor from LA, found her paradise in Lecce, Puglia, after a post-Covid romp through Italy. She ditched her American Dream for an Italian one, seduced by Baroque architecture and a slow pace of life. Now, lugging her Yorkshire terrier, she’s turned real estate guru into a “second mayor” in Lecce—because the town needed one more retiree. She's convinced she found the fountain of youth. Spoiler: it’s just less hustle and more pasta. Ciao, America!
The Good Ol'Ads
Is Ryan Day on the hot seat? Maybe not, but angst will only grow as Ohio State's pricey roster falls flat
Acidly: Ohio State, the team with the gold-plated roster worth $20 million, flopped spectacularly against a Michigan squad that resembled roadkill for most of the season. In a thrilling 13-10 loss, fans booed, fought, and even got a taste of pepper spray as the Wolverines planted a flag in a stadium filled with devastated delusions. Buckeye coach Ryan Day must be feeling the heat, now somehow 2-7 in must-win games. Tears, confusion, and unanswerable questions flood Ohio Stadium as the once-mighty program flounders. Good luck with that national title buzz, guys!
Box Office Magic: ‘Moana 2’ Tops Biggest Thanksgiving Ever, Eyes Record $215M-$220M Bow
Acidly: Ah, Thanksgiving – when families gather and the box office serves up a heaping plate of Moana 2, snatching records like a kid grabs the last turkey leg. Disney’s latest cash grab is on track for a staggering $220 million debut, leaving past hits to gather dust like last year's fruitcake. Meanwhile, critics may scoff, but who cares when the popcorn counter says “88%”? As for Gladiator II? A mere afterthought, like Aunt Edna’s dry stuffing. But hey, at least the cinema isn’t dead yet. Bravo!
New footprints research finds different hominin species coexisted
Acidly: In Kenya's Turkana Basin, just your standard day digging up ancient bones revealed a twist: feet! Yes, fossilized footprints of Homo erectus and Paranthropus boisei casually frolicking along a lakeshore 1.5 million years ago. Sure, they had different diets—one was a meat-loving tool user while the other craved greens—yet they coexisted without brawling over brunch. Turns out, our ancient relatives were just trying to enjoy the scenery before they were buried in layers of sediment. Pretty dramatic for a beach day, huh?
The Good Ol'Ads
Online shoppers set Thanksgiving Day spending record after big discounts
Acidly: Ah, the joy of Thanksgiving—once a day for giving thanks, now a prelude to a retail frenzy. Shoppers, in their infinite wisdom, plowed through $6.1 billion in sales, proving that gratitude can indeed be bought. With discounts leaving wallets flapping like wounded ducks—27.2% off toys!—parents rushed to snag "deals." Forget family time; phones were glued to hands, as 60% of online sales came from the tiny screens. Happy holidays, indeed! Just remember, in the spirit of frugality, to max out those credit cards!
Apple’s Cyber Monday Event iPhone 15 And iPad Offers Still Live: Latest Details
Acidly: Black Friday has arrived, and Apple’s back at it, not with jaw-dropping discounts—oh no, that would be too generous. Instead, they're dangling gift cards like a carrot, ensuring you’re lured into buying more overpriced gadgets. Want a MacBook Air? Sure, pay $999 and enjoy a $150 card! Who knew gift cards were the holy grail of shopping? But good luck finding that iMac or MacBook Pro on sale; they’re apparently too good for this little sale. Apple: always innovating, never discounting.
Gut-brain connection: Proinflammatory bacteria linked to hippocampal changes in depression
Acidly: Oh great, another study claiming our intestines are the masterminds behind our moods. Researchers found that folks with unmedicated depression have gut bacteria throwing a tantrum, messing with the brain's memory region—the hippocampus. Those with higher inflammation-fueled gut microbes showed disrupted brain chatter. Shocking news: our brains and guts talk! Next, they'll tell us to stop eating pizza and expect happiness! But, don’t get too hopeful—this study’s as small as the diversity of gut bacteria found in these patients.