UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson killed in ‘brazen, targeted attack’ in NYC; manhunt underway
Acidly: In a tragic twist worthy of a mediocre crime drama, UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson got himself fatally shot, right when the suits were getting comfortable at a corporate love-fest. Speculation swirls over whether insurance disputes sparked the controversy, but rest assured, the NYPD is "looking at everything." Meanwhile, regulations and prior authorizations still await their well-deserved day in court. Flowers outside the headquarters bloom, while Thompson’s family grapples with a legacy of insurance woes. Heartfelt, isn’t it?
French lawmakers vote to oust prime minister in the first successful no-confidence vote since 1962
Acidly: In a stunning twist, France's far-right and left-wing lawmakers found common ground: kicking Prime Minister Michel Barnier out. An unprecedented no-confidence vote passed with 331 votes, making Barnier the shortest PM since modern France began. Meanwhile, President Macron insists he'll stick around until 2027, blissfully ignoring the chaotic parliament that resembles a toddler's playroom. With a budget crisis looming, Macron’s “strong economy” claims sound as credible as a diet soda diet. Buckle up, France!
Italy bans Airbnb self-check-ins
Acidly: Italy's new law is putting an end to the joy of panicked self-check-ins. Tired of Airbnb guests stumbling in late, the government is scrapping key boxes and pads to "combat terrorism." Because, obviously, tourists are the root of all evil. With 30-35 million visitors expected for upcoming events, Rome’s mayor calls this ban a “blessing,” while Airbnb promises to still support responsible hosting—just without the convenience. Who needs easy access when you've got law enforcement ready for a game of hide-and-seek with your keys?
The Good Ol'Ads
National Signing Day 2024: Winners and losers of early signing period, team recruiting rankings
Acidly: Ah, National Signing Day—where high school kids officially hand over their futures to programs that treat them like shiny new toys. Oregon flexes its muscles, flipping top recruits like it’s a game of Monopoly. Texas struts with an elite class, while Florida celebrates its surge into the top 10 like it just discovered electricity. Meanwhile, Clemson hangs its hat on 15 poor souls, sinking deeper into mediocrity. And USC? Five in-state recruits. Brilliant strategy, guys. Keep up the good work!
Hate Your Spotify Wrapped? You Aren’t Alone
Acidly: Spotify Wrapped was supposed to be the year's highlight – a musical gift that stirs nostalgia. But 2024’s version felt more like receiving unpaid bills instead of party invitations. Gone were fun features like top genres and charming visual flair; instead, we got drab graphics and a data dump so uninspiring it could put you to sleep. The layoffs are clearly haunting Spotify, leaving users wondering if an AI was behind the lackluster output. Maybe they should just stick to selling socks for Christmas instead.
Mammoth Meat Powered Ice Age Humans, Study Finds
Acidly: So, it turns out prehistoric humans were basically meat lovers on steroids—a whopping 40% of a Clovis woman’s diet consisted of mammoth steaks. Forget leafy greens; these folks preferred their meals colossal. Researchers, led by Chatters and Potter, confirmed that Clovis people were not just foragers but dive-into-the-big-game types. They probably contributed to the extinction of these majestic beasts. Next time you think your diet is unhealthy, just remember: 13,000 years ago, hogging mammoth was a culinary tradition. Bon appétit!
The Good Ol'Ads
What to know about the fatal shooting of the UnitedHealthcare CEO
Acidly: In a thrilling turn of events reminiscent of a bad action movie, UnitedHealthcare's chief, Brian Thompson, became an overdramatic headline. Shot multiple times in front of a hotel, he met his fate at an annual conference—talk about poor timing! New York police claim it was "targeted," though the reason remains shrouded in mystery. The shooter, a masked e-bike enthusiast, proved surprisingly skilled, fixing his gun mid-murder. Apparently, “insurance executive” didn’t scream “danger.” Can't make this up!
Samsung’s first One UI 7 beta with Android 15 reportedly launches December 5
Acidly: Hold onto your smartphones, folks! After a suspenseful snail's pace that could put molasses to shame, Samsung is finally emerging from its cave to unveil the Android 15 beta tomorrow. Who knew waiting could be a sport? Apparently, One UI 7 is jacked with iOS knock-offs and some flashy new visuals—because nothing says innovation like copying your rival. Germany gets the honor first, while the rest of us can twiddle our thumbs for the full release in early 2025. Happy testing—if you can be bothered!
Waterborne Disease Outbreaks Associated with Splash Pads — United States, 1997–2022
Acidly: Ah, splash pads—the water playgrounds designed for the joy of children, unless you consider the outbreaks of gastroenteritis and parasitic infections. Between 1997 and 2022, these delightful fountains hosted a staggering 60 outbreaks, mostly thanks to Cryptosporidium, which apparently enjoys a good splash as much as the toddlers. It's funny how something meant for fun has turned into a public health fiasco. Warm weather, young children, and a taste for contaminated water? What could possibly go wrong? Enjoy your summer, kids!