Catholic nun among 25 arrested in mob bust in northern Italy

7.0 Earthquake Rattles Northern California and Prompts Tsunami Warning

Acidly: A 7.0 quake rocked California's coast, sending tsunami alerts buzzing on half a million phones. But surprise! Nothing catastrophic happened because the epicenter was, you know, in the ocean. Margit Cook, 73, watched her fridge dance across the kitchen floor. Meanwhile, in Eureka, a vice principal under a desk advised her students with some riveting “duck, cover and hold” drills. Classes resumed by lunchtime. Good thing! Nothing shrieks normalcy like a little seismic shake-up—who doesn’t love a disrupted day off?

French President Emmanuel Macron vows to name new PM within days

Acidly: In a dazzling display of political dysfunction, Macron’s new favorite pastime is picking a PM who won’t immediately get tossed aside—good luck with that. Barnier, fresh off his three-month tenure, officially took the express lane out after an unprecedented parliamentary ousting, a situation even soap operas envy. Macron, ever the optimist, thinks he can bring order to this chaos and somehow salvage a budget plan. Meanwhile, the real spectacle? The iconic Notre-Dame reopening with a side of governmental circus—because, why not?

Catholic nun among 25 arrested in mob bust in northern Italy

Acidly: Holy spaghetti! Sister Anna Donelli, the Catholic nun moonlighting as a mob messenger, was arrested in Milan for her illustrious career aiding the 'Ndrangheta. Who knew "Sister Collina" was actually a middlewoman for drug dealers, extortionists, and all-around bad boys? Her hobbies included delivering orders from behind bars while playing soccer referee. Forget divine intervention; she was all about the cash, with €1.8 million confiscated. So much for virtue in the holy sisterhood!

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Lions vs. Packers where to watch: NFL kickoff time, live stream, odds, pick for NFC North showdown

Acidly: Oh, look, it’s the heavyweight clash we’ve all been waiting for—Lions vs. Packers! Detroit, the self-proclaimed juggernaut, flaunts its 11-1 record while hosting the “mighty” Packers, who are stumbling in at 9-3. Last time, Jared Goff played king of the cold, and oh, how thrilling that was! Can Jordan Love actually make the Lions sweat this time? Odds say Detroit wins, but we know how often "sure things" turn into epic failures. So, grab your popcorn for this nail-biter, folks!

AP's top albums of 2024: Beyoncé, Charli XCX, Kendrick Lamar, Billie Eilish, Mk.gee and more

Acidly: Here’s the rundown of 2023’s “best” albums, a.k.a. the obligatory listicle. Beyoncé rode in with “Cowboy Carter,” claiming it’s not country—sure, and I’m not going to poke fun at her love affair with American flags. Charli XCX made a “brat” album, blending hedonism like teenage angst is trendy. Kendrick dropped “GNX,” still flexing in a hip-hop beef. Billie Eilish is ambitious at 22—how novel. And people genuinely believe Hurray for the Riff Raff’s Americana tales matter. Kudos, music world! Keep pretending this is profound.

NASA delays first crewed flight to the moon in over 50 years

Acidly: NASA's Artemis program is officially the "Let’s Keep Pushing Back Our Moon Plans" initiative. Just when you thought we’d see astronauts prancing on the moon in 2026, bam! A new delay pushes it to at least 2027—because who doesn’t love more waiting? Blame the Orion crew capsule's temperamental heat shield, which decided to act like it was on a beach vacation instead of returning from space. Meanwhile, China's plotting their moon escapade for 2030, but hey, we’ll get there… eventually. Grab your popcorn!

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Markets News, December 5, 2024: Stocks Slip as Market Takes Breather from Rally Ahead of Jobs Report; Bitcoin Drops Below $100K

Acidly: Crypto stocks had a manic Thursday, fueled by Bitcoin's wild ride above $100K—then crashing back down faster than your hopes at a family gathering. MicroStrategy danced up 10% before falling 4%, and Coinbase mimicked this tragic ballet. Thanks to the newly minted SEC head honcho, Paul Atkins, Bitcoin soared almost 50%. Meanwhile, meme-stock gamblers cheered a cryptic tweet, reminding us that investment is as rational as a drunken bet at a casino. Welcome to the circus, folks!

OpenAI is charging $200 a month for an exclusive version of its o1 ‘reasoning’ model

Acidly: OpenAI's decided that basic AI should cost a fortune. Enter ChatGPT Pro, where you can throw $200 a month at an upgraded chatbot—because who doesn't want to pay up for a glorified therapist? Meanwhile, the peasants can still piddle around with the $20 tier. The tipping point? A model that promises both reasoning and quick responses—or whatever fancy lingo they conjure up. With flashy new features on the horizon that might never see the light of day, buckle up, folks; your wallet’s about to take a hit.

Dark Chocolate: A Bittersweet Remedy for Diabetes Risk

Acidly: Good news for chocoholics: indulge in dark chocolate five times a week and you might dodge type 2 diabetes! Meanwhile, milk chocolate might just add more jiggle to your belly without any benefits. Who knew? Researchers tracked 192,208 health professionals; turns out, dark chocolate's secret ingredient outsmarts those sugar-laden milk bars. But let’s be real: if your biggest health decision hinges on which chocolate to munch, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your life choices.