Mysterious drone sightings in New Jersey prompt security concerns. Here’s what we know
Acidly: New Jersey is apparently buzzing with drones—no one knows where they came from or what they want, but everyone’s frantic about it. Politicians are so concerned they’re practically lighting their hair on fire, while experts claim many sightings are just well-behaved planes. The FBI insists, “Nothing to see here!” which is comforting. Meanwhile, mayors express their disappointment like kids failed by their favorite superhero. If you spy a drone, just report it—because God knows we need more confusion.
Israeli attacks kill dozens across Gaza, including 15 guarding aid trucks
Acidly: In a twisted comic of tragedy, the UN calls for a ceasefire, and Israel responds with airstrikes, killing dozens—because, apparently, ignoring international demands is the new black. Humanitarian aid? Nah, let's just obliterate the task force protecting it. Hamas complains about looting while the death toll creeps up, including doctors heading to work. Meanwhile, the Pope and Abbas ponder peace like they're discussing dessert options. Welcome to Gaza, where chaos reigns, and peace talks are an elite sport.
As Europe Looks for a Leader, Italy Thrives While France and Germany Teeter
Acidly: Ah, Italy, once Europe's jester, now flaunting stability while France and Germany flail like fish out of water. Giorgia Meloni, the unanticipated adult in the room, has managed to do the unthinkable: keep her government intact for over two years. Matteo Renzi quips about Italy exporting chaos, and while he was busy failing constitutional reforms, Meloni is basking in the newfound spotlight. Whether she can actually lead Europe is up for debate—after all, Italy still harbors a penchant for disarray.
The Good Ol'Ads
Rams vs. 49ers odds, prediction, time, line: 2024 Thursday Night Football picks from NFL model on 25-11 roll
Acidly: Ah, another riveting installment of the Rams vs. 49ers rivalry. Who knew watching millionaire athletes crash into each other could generate such excitement? The Rams are eager to sweep the 49ers after a nail-biting 27-24 victory last time. Meanwhile, San Francisco, somehow managing a 6-7 record, is favored—because what else screams “NFL powerhouse” louder? Tune in for kickoff at 8:15 p.m. ET, or don’t. Your Netflix queue is probably way more riveting than watching two mediocre teams squabble over a slightly nicer spot in the standings.
Critics Choice Awards 2025 Nominations: ‘Conclave’ and ‘Wicked’ Lead with 11 Nods — See Full List
Acidly: The Critics Choice Association proudly announces their 30th annual awards nominees, proving once again that overhyped mediocrity reigns supreme. “Conclave” and “Wicked” tie with 11 nods each—who doesn’t love a musical about witches? The likes of Demi Moore and Hugh Grant even squeezed into Best Actress and Actor, respectively. As comedian Chelsea Handler prepares for another night of self-deprecation and questionable humor, we eagerly await a rant about films we really didn’t care about. Bravo!
Oldest Human Genomes Reveal How a Small Group Burst Out of Africa
Acidly: A minuscule band of ice-age hipsters, the LRJ folks, roamed Europe 45,000 years ago, wearing their trendy woolly rhino furs while hunting big game. These dark-skinned survivors were the latest genetic stars unearthed from cozy caves, redefining human migration timelines. Turns out, they’re relatives of today’s non-Africans, with DNA showing they mingled with Neanderthals just before trending into obscurity. Who knew human history was just one big family reunion with long-lost cousins wielding stone tools?
The Good Ol'Ads
Costco beats on earnings as e-commerce sales jump
Acidly: Costco, bastion of bulk-buying, just smashed Wall Street's expectations, proving that even in a recession, folks will splurge on overpriced, oversized jewelry and fancy meat cuts. Who needs to dine out when you can personally butcher a cow in your kitchen? E-commerce sales surged, though the ever-important membership fee hike had negligible impact—because deferred accounting magic. Meanwhile, they continue to attract 90.4% of members ready to renew, despite the fact they might be buying a $15,000 diamond while wondering if they can afford gas.
The Game Awards 2024: all of the biggest trailers and announcements
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Acidly: Ah December, the time we pretend The Game Awards are about celebrating talent rather than the two-hour infomercial for video game hype. This year, buckle up for a slew of trailers, with gameplay for Borderlands 4 and Hazelight's buzzword-laden next project. As if you needed more fodder for your busy schedule of procrastination. Expect appearances from the usual suspects, including Hideo Kojima, trotting out emotional baggage disguised as interactive entertainment. Who needs awards when there's endless marketing to revel in?
California reports more illnesses in people who drank raw milk. Here are the risks, according to health experts
Acidly: In California, where raw milk enthusiasts drool over overpriced bacteria, at least 10 recently learned the hard way that trendy doesn't mean safe. Public health officials confirm no bird flu, but good luck explaining that to those prepping for a vomit party. As kids sip sullied dairy, they find fever more fashionable than flu (A type, no less). Advocates like Kennedy and influencers push raw milk, blissfully ignoring the risk of guzzling germs. California's new milk motto: sip, vomit, repeat!