UnitedHealthcare CEO killing suspect retains high-powered New York attorney
Acidly: Well, isn't this just a charming saga? Luigi Mangione, the wannabe assassin of UnitedHealthcare's CEO, has snagged a top-notch lawyer, Karen Friedman Agnifilo, who has spent years honing her craft in the criminal justice dumpster fire that is New York. Meanwhile, evidence piles up against him—3D-printed murder weapon, fingerprints galore. He's currently playing hide-and-seek in Pennsylvania, fighting extradition while being a poster boy for "bad decisions." Good luck with that not-guilty plea, champ!
The Impeachment of South Korea’s President, Explained
Acidly: In a riveting twist of democratic irony, South Korea's President Yoon Suk Yeol declared martial law, only to be swiftly impeached—because, of course, a little armed insurrection fits perfectly into a democracy sandwich. Now, he sits suspended, waiting six months for the Constitutional Court to decide if he should return or just pack his bags for a criminal inquiry. Spoiler alert: calling in troops to silence dissent isn't exactly a winning strategy. Hang tight, folks, the political circus isn’t done yet!
Italy grants Argentina’s Milei citizenship sparking outrage
Acidly: In a stunning display of nepotism, Italy has fast-tracked citizenship for Argentinian President Javier Milei and his sister, while regular Italians face years of bureaucratic torture. Opposition lawmaker Riccardo Magi fumes that millions of Italians - who actually live and contribute to his country - are stuck in an Olympic-level waiting game. Meanwhile, Milei and his new buddy, Giorgia Meloni, bond over chainsaws and insensitivity. Clearly, the Italian government prefers a despot over its own citizens. Bravo!
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Army-Navy Game: Score, live updates, how to watch
Acidly: In a stunning blowout that could only be described as a Navy-led parade of humiliation, the Midshipmen handed the Army its second loss of the season with a 31-13 thrashing. QB Blake Horvath dazzled—if you call 107 passing yards and 204 rushing yards dazzling—and almost single-handedly accounted for Navy’s pitiful 384 total yards. Meanwhile, Army’s Bryson Daily looked like he was playing blindfolded, choking away three picks and barely scraping 65 passing yards. Better luck next time, boys!
James Kennedy's girlfriend, Ally Lewber, says she's 'taking time' to herself after his domestic violence arrest
Acidly: Ally Lewber, James Kennedy’s girlfriend, cheerily thanked “supportive” fans on Instagram post-arrest, because who doesn’t love a little domestic violence drama? While Kennedy exhibited "erratic" behavior at Kathy Hilton's party—think barking orders in a toddler tantrum—he later "allegedly" threw her down, although no injuries were found. No worries, though! Ally was all smiles at her influencer gig days later. Meanwhile, exes chime in, hinting at Kennedy's charming history of violence. Ah, love in reality TV—a real fairy tale!
Humans and Neanderthals Interbred 47,000 Years Ago
Acidly: Turns out, modern humans had a 7,000-year fling with Neanderthals, beginning about 50,500 years ago—definitely a record low for dating advice. Thanks to this interbreeding, non-Africans are rocking 1-2% Neanderthal genes, giving them a genetic hack for immunity and skin tone. But wait! Some areas in our genomes—aptly dubbed "Neanderthal deserts"—are so barren they might as well be the Sahara, suggesting lethal gene incompatibilities. So, cheers to our ancient cousins who’ve mixed evolution and survival into one giant mess!
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Mega Millions Jackpot Climbs To $740 Million—Here’s How Much The Winner Could Take Home After Taxes
Acidly: Ah, the thrill of chasing a Mega Millions jackpot now at a staggering $740 million! Too bad no one won last Friday—tough luck for those brave souls battling one-in-302-million odds. And when that dream ticket is finally cashed, don’t forget Uncle Sam, who’ll gladly take his third of your fortune. Meanwhile, the next dive into despair is set for Tuesday. So, keep flushing your money down the toilet—it’s not like you’ll win; six other jackpots eclipsed the billion mark. Who needs money anyway?
The Game Awards 2024: Astro Bot wins Game of the Year
Acidly: In a shocking twist at the 2024 Game Awards, Astro Bot, the cutesy PlayStation platformer, snagged Game of the Year while rivals sulked. Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth, with seven nominations, limped away clutching only the "Best Music" prize—because who needs gameplay when you've got a killer soundtrack? Balatro celebrated for its card tricks while Black Myth: Wukong scored the ever-important Player's Voice Award. Amidst the pomp, Snoop Dogg distracted with mediocre performance, and Amir Satvat stole an emotional moment with a speech about helping laid-off devs. A true tearjerker, if you enjoy watching a sinking industry drown in its own nostalgia.
Study: Obesity rates dipped in 2023
Acidly: Well, ladies and gentlemen, grab your overpriced diet shakes, because U.S. obesity rates finally did the impossible in 2023: they dipped. Yes, after a decade of ballooning, America's waistline saw a slight shrink, likely thanks to wonder-drugs like Wegovy. The study, led by Harvard’s finest, shows a drop from 44.11% to 43.96%. A glimmer of hope in a sea of dessert-fueled despair. Sure, it's something, but when nearly 40% of adults are still waddling around, we’re nowhere near the finish line.