Luigi Mangione pleads not guilty to murder charges in NYC killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO
Acidly: In the latest episode of "What Could Possibly Go Wrong," former Ivy League valedictorian Mangione, now a courtroom star, is accused of first-degree murder with a side of terrorism. After allegedly targeting the health insurance industry—because obviously, that matters more than human life—he's being hailed as a hero by some lunatics. As his fashionably basic courtroom attire made waves, supporters outside protested with pseudoslogans while our mayor played judge, jury, and PR guru. What a show!
German Christmas market ramming is the latest attack to use vehicles as deadly weapons
Acidly: ‘Tis the season to be jolly—or not, as a car-ramming at a German Christmas market killed five and injured 200. Who knew that “vehicle as a weapon” would shape our festive gatherings? This isn’t a rogue trend. From heartbroken divorcees in China to incel rants in Toronto, it seems everyone’s got a car and a vendetta. Cities scramble to fortify against this vehicular menace, but let's face it, Christmas cheer now comes packaged with concrete barriers. Ho, ho, ho!
'It's pure beauty' - Italy's largest medieval mosaics restored
Acidly: In Palermo’s Monreale Cathedral, a restoration project turned out to be a glorified spa day for Italy's largest Byzantine mosaics. Dusted off and pampered after decades of neglect, they were treated with the care usually reserved for fragile antiques. Local experts tiptoed around like anxious parents, peeling yellowed varnish and repairing black spots. Meanwhile, the lighting system—an ancient artifact itself—was upgraded to shed some actual light on the glimmering gold. Ah, progress: treating history like it’s a TikTok trend.
The Good Ol'Ads
Packers vs. Saints where to watch: NFL kickoff time, live stream, odds, prediction for 'MNF' game
Acidly: Monday Night Football is back, starring the Packers and their favorite punching bag, the Saints. The Packers, clinging to a glimmer of playoff hope, face a Saints team that’s more like a piñata than a contender. With Derek Carr and a slew of other key players sidelined, the Saints can only pray their defense decides to show up. Meanwhile, Jordan Love and his merry band of pass-catchers prepare for a scoring fest. Spoiler? More like a comedy show. Packers win, and the Saints continue their sad march to irrelevance.
How Did Blake Lively’s Lawyers Obtain Bombshell Texts From Justin Baldoni’s PR Team?
Acidly: In a plot twist worthy of a soap opera, Jonesworks founder Stephanie Jones went full-on Mean Girls by locking her publicist, Jen Abel, in a corporate coffin before she could jump ship. Six days post-termination, Abel's texts about "burying" Blake Lively leaked, revealing the PR chaos surrounding a harassment claim against Justin Baldoni. Now, everyone's pointing fingers, with Abel's attorney claiming an epic cover-up while Jones screams innocent in the corner. Honestly, it’s like watching a dumpster fire in slow motion.
Parker Solar Probe set for blisteringly hot date with the Sun on Christmas Eve
Acidly: Ah, Christmas Eve, the perfect time for a little solar saunter. NASA’s Parker Solar Probe will glide closer to the Sun than any human-made object, boldly flirting with 3.8 million miles away while hurtling at a brisk 430,000 mph. Because, you know, what could go wrong? Scientists anticipate a cocky “hey, I survived!” tone on the 27th, assuming it doesn’t melt like ice cream on a sidewalk. With a heat shield as thick as your average college textbook, let's hope it stays chill while we sip eggnog. Cheers to science!
The Good Ol'Ads
Starbucks strike expands to 12 cities
Acidly: In a shocking display of holiday spirit, Starbucks baristas have decided that serving overpriced coffee isn't worth living like they're in a Dickens novel. Strikes erupted in cities from Boston to Portland as they demand better pay—because who wouldn't want to choke down peppermint mochas while struggling to support a family? Starbucks argues it's all good, claiming “only a few” stores were affected. Sure, nothing screams "festive" like a picket line of underpaid baristas. Cheers to that holiday magic!
Kotaku’s 15 Best Games Of 2024, Ranked
Acidly: In 2024, video games became a bittersweet dream. Sure, some gems emerged, but the industry's heart was beating unevenly, thanks to layoffs and studio closures. Developers are the unsung heroes crafting brilliance amid chaos. Witness "1000xRESIST," which wrestles with existential dread through clone-laden narratives, or the agonizing journey in "Mouthwashing." Meanwhile, "Final Fantasy VII Rebirth" dazzles but often confounds. Yet here we are, celebrating creativity while the industry crumbles—cheers for the chaos.
First human case of H5 bird flu detected in LA County
Acidly: In a plot twist straight out of a bad movie, Los Angeles County reports its first human case of H5 bird flu. Yes, the adult lucky enough to catch it was probably too busy flirting with danger at a livestock site. Fear not—this person is merely recovering at home, like a sad celebrity trying to nurse a hangover. Public health says the rest of us are safe. But if you happen to be playing doctor with livestock or wild birds, maybe rethink that. Birds aren't the only ones who fly the coop these days.