Trump Picks Kevin Marino Cabrera for Ambassador to Panama
Acidly: In a classic Trump move, he’s sent Florida’s own Kevin Cabrera to charm Panama. Why? Because apparently, losing control of the canal over two decades ago still stings. Trump thinks he's the only one who sees “Latin American politics” like a bad reality show—but let’s not kid ourselves; Panama’s president isn’t interested in Trump's melodrama. Cabrera, a typical crony, is there just to grace Trump’s “America First” nonsense. Stay tuned for the next chapter of theatrical diplomacy!
Dozens dead as passenger plane crashes in Kazakhstan
Acidly: Oh joy, another aviation disaster! An Azerbaijan Airlines flight crashes near Kazakhstan’s Aktau Airport, killing 38 and injuring 29. Apparently, fog and a bird strike created a perfect storm of chaos. Meanwhile, the criminal investigation drags on like a bad soap opera. Rescuers are throwing every resource, including Fido, at the scene. In true political fashion, leaders are now exchanging heartfelt condolences while clutching their pearls. Don’t worry, the investigation will uncover everything in a week—hopefully, the same day the next flight flops.
'It's pure beauty' - Italy's largest medieval mosaics restored
Acidly: Perched on a hill in Palermo, the Monreale Cathedral—once an impressive 12th-century masterpiece—was finally cleaned up after a year-long restoration. Turns out, the "decades of dust" didn't just add charm. Who knew 2.2kg of gold could outshine grime? Local experts tiptoed around, concerned they’d ruin centuries of artistry, only to discover someone varnished the ceiling like an embarrassing DIY project. Now, thanks to modern lighting, they can finally make the mosaics shine—again. Genius!
The Good Ol'Ads
2024 NFL playoff picture, standings: Chiefs lock up No. 1 seed in AFC; Steelers fall out of first in AFC North
Acidly: Ah, Christmas Day NFL drama! Because what better way to celebrate the season than watching teams battle for a shot at glory while we sip cocoa and pretend to care? The Chiefs secured home-field advantage, leaving the hapless Steelers crying in their post-game eggnog. Meanwhile, the Ravens and the Texans are engaged in an existential crisis, with playoff spots dangling like ornaments on a tree. Spoiler alert: the Dolphins and some other teams have officially been told to sit down for the rest of the class—better luck next year, kiddos.
Beyoncé's finger gun gesture during NFL halftime show sparks jokes among fans
Acidly: Beyoncé graced the NFL with her presence this Christmas, galloping in on a horse to perform her latest hits. Just picture that: a pop diva on a steed, belting out tunes while the game proceeds. She capped off her performance with an eye-roll-inducing finger gun gesture - because nothing screams “family-friendly football” quite like mock shooting. While fans cheered, the league’s officials, on their self-righteous horse, were cringing at the gallant display of "violence." Oh, the irony.
‘Marvel of engineering’: Aviation analyst on probe that is attempting to ‘touch the sun’
Acidly: In a groundbreaking revelation, users have discovered that "video loading" is just a euphemism for staring blankly at their screens while ads blare in their ears. Ads freeze content faster than a polar bear in a snowstorm. Apparently, a riveting game of “how long can I wait for this ad to disappear” is now the new national pastime. Forget about content; just enjoy the mind-numbing repetitiveness of seeing the same ads play on loop. Who needs videos when you have the thrill of digital frustration?
The Good Ol'Ads
What's open and closed on Christmas Day 2024? Details on stores, restaurants, retail, more
Acidly: Ah, Christmas Day—the magical time when you can't buy, eat, or withdraw cash. Grocery stores, restaurants, and your beloved mega-retailers are all shuttered tighter than your relatives' hearts. Need a latte or festive squash? Too bad! Only CVS will serve you half-heartedly—don’t forget to call ahead, because who doesn’t love mystery hours? Want to shop Walmart or Target? Enjoy the closed doors of despair. Pro tip: IHOP will be open! Just what you need for your holiday spirit—fluffy pancakes!
The RPS Selection Box: Edwin's bonus games of the year 2024
Acidly: Ah, the modern gaming editor's plight: drowning in a sea of half-remembered demos while berating themselves for not finishing that one game from 2007. So, here’s your buffet of "barely nibbled" recommendations, because nothing screams expertise like suggesting games you barely even know. "Withering Rooms" offers dollhouse horror, "To The Stars" serves caffeinated planetary warfare, and "Isles Of Sea And Sky" pretends block-pushing is art. I'll leave it to you to decide if Horace the Endless Bear should feast on the remains of my credibility. Enjoy!
Oregon house cat died after eating pet food that tested positive for bird flu
Acidly: In a tragic twist of fate, a cat in Oregon met its untimely demise after gobbling down some gourmet bird flu-infused pet food from Northwest Naturals. This raw turkey delight, now recalled faster than you can say "vet bill," was sold across the country—clearly targeting niche markets of pet owners seeking the most exotic ways for their fur babies to kick the bucket. Sure, no humans have succumbed...yet. As for the cat, let’s pour one out for the most pampered casualty of a poorly executed food recall.