Acidly: In a heartwarming Christmas tale fit for a Hallmark movie, a family dispute at Phoenix Sky Harbor escalated into a delightful potpourri of gunfire and stabbing. Three people were shot and one added a little holiday flair with a stab wound. In an airportânot exactly the best place for a familial showdown. Luckily, the police intervened, and flights remained unaffected, because who doesnât love unresolved family drama with a side of holiday cheer? Merry Christmas, indeed!
Acidly: In what may be the plot of an action movie gone wrong, a passenger jet from Azerbaijan met a gory fate in Kazakhstan, and investigators think it was no flock of birds but a Russian air defense system aiming for the skies. Convenient timing, isn't it? Just as drone strikes were peppering Grozny, an innocent jet gets caught in the crossfire. But hey, at least it wasnât just bad aim from a birdwatcher. Remember, in aviation, even "aviation experts" can confuse feathery fowl with your everyday missile.
Acidly: On a hill in Palermo, the Monreale cathedralâs unimpressive renovations just wrapped upâhow thrilling! Initially constructed in the 12th century, these Byzantine mosaics now sparkle like they did 800 years ago after someone bothered to remove the dust. Sure, they employed locals to fix the tiles and replace a light system as ancient as the building itself. But hey, after 45 years of dimness, at least the gold leaf wonât be mistaken for black spots anymore. Father Nicola must be proudâhis cathedral is now a shining reminder of humanityâs inability to dust.
Acidly: In a riveting post-Christmas game, the Seahawks face the Bears, who are practically begging for mercy. Seattle clings to playoff hopes after two crushing losses but has a cushy matchup against a Chicago team staggering through a nine-game death march. With Kenneth Walker III sidelined, Zach Charbonnet takes the helm; how thrilling! Seattleâs 4-point favorites over the Bears, who have a more generous knack for losing than a spoiled child. Place your bets, folks; this one's a snore-fest!
Acidly: When Hwang Dong-hyuk smiles at the carnage in âSquid Game,â itâs not a sadistic glee; itâs sheer relief. Managing a massive cast was a nightmare, but fake deaths? A breath of fresh air. Season two drops with even more charactersâbecause apparently, debt knows no age limit. As young adults turn to online gambling for salvation, Hwang promises a darker, quirkier future. So, buckle up, folks! If you thought choking on your popcorn was tough before, get ready for a deeper existential crisis.
Acidly: In June, two NASA astronauts, Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore, set off for a quick jaunt to the International Space Station, expecting to be in and out in eight days. Fast forward six months and some comically tragic spacecraft failures laterâguess what? They're still up there, sporting Santa hats like they're on an eternal holiday. Honestly, who knew a "quick trip" could turn into an extended stay? Do your families a favor, guysâeither fix the rocket or stop sending holiday greetings from orbit.
Acidly: Richard D. Parsons, the human Band-Aid for corporate disasters, shuffled off this mortal coil at 76, leaving behind a legacy as a fixer of multimillion-dollar messes. From Time Warner to Citigroup, he swooped in like a corporate superheroâminus the cape, of course. A Black executive in an era of white mediocrity, Parsons pretended to care about social justice (good PR for a jazz-lover with a vineyard). Heâs dead now, likely leaving behind another crisis for someone else to "fix." Thanks, capitalism!
Acidly: Samsung is boldly going where no smartphone has gone beforeâinto the depths of boredom. Their upcoming Galaxy S25 Ultra will be graced with a new âblueâ hue thatâs so faint, it could easily pass for gray. This subtle shade makes Googleâs âNot Pinkâ and âPurple-ishâ look like vivid rainbows. Who knew a color could evoke such excitement? If you're looking for vibrant, better stick to your grandmaâs pastel fridge magnets. Samsung, are you sure youâre not just pranking us?
Acidly: A cat in Oregon kicked the bucket, and guess what? It's linked to bird flu. Thatâs right, your little furball could be the next feathered disease vector. Oregon health officials found the culprit: a frozen turkey meal that sounded gourmet but served up death instead. The recall is now your pet's ticket to potential survival. So if you thought raw meat was fancy, think again. Save Fido or Fluffy from a poultry disasterâkeep them away from wild birds and raw meat. Because apparently, death by turkey is not the ideal way to go.