Millions face 'particularly dangerous' tornado threat amid deadly severe weather outbreak in South
Acidly: Ah, Texas weather: the ultimate form of amusement. This Saturday, tornadoes decided to play hopscotch near Houston, leaving homes mangled and a body count of one. Great job, nature! Families watched in disbelief as their dream homes transformed into rubble. Meanwhile, drone footage captured the chaos—who doesn’t love a good disaster flick? With the storm moving east, states from Virginia to Florida should brace for an encore. Remember folks, when life gives you tornadoes, just hold tight and pray for structure insurance!
Putin apologizes for 'tragic incident' but stops short of saying Azerbaijani plane was shot down
Acidly: Putin's heartfelt "sorry" for the downed Azerbaijani plane smells more like a desperate damage control tactic than genuine remorse. After a tragic crash killed 38, allegations swirl that Russian air defenses took aim at a Ukrainian drone, but hey, let’s not place blame—apologies are so much easier, right? Meanwhile, Azerbaijan is scrambling to investigate, and airlines are cutting ties with Russia like it's a bad habit. Tragedy, chaos, and Putin’s classic deflection: just another day in the Kremlin.
'It's pure beauty' - Italy's largest medieval mosaics restored
Acidly: In Palermo’s Monreale cathedral, the 12th-century mosaics, once the envy of Turkey, got a facelift that would make even the most jaded art critic weep. After a year of scaffolding and dust removal, experts tackled centuries of grime, peeling tiles, and, shockingly, a yellow varnish that did wonders for candlelight but zero for aesthetics. Father Nicola tiptoed around like a nervous father, while a new lighting system promised to spotlight the bling. Who knew restoring art was akin to unwrapping tacky Christmas gifts?
The Good Ol'Ads
Bengals vs. Broncos live updates: NFL scores, game stats, highlights for Saturday's crucial AFC game
Acidly: Oh look, the Bengals squeaked by the hapless Broncos in OT, 30-24, keeping their playoff dreams alive—yawn. Burrow threw three TDs and lifted a whole city out of mediocrity, while the Broncos, clinging to survival, somehow managed to look even worse. Nix consistently underwhelmed, tossing picks like confetti. The real victory? Watching the Broncos’ season collapse again. Next week, they need a miracle to avoid an early vacation. Better luck next season, Denver—not that anyone will miss you.
35 Great Movies from 2024 Streaming Right Now
Acidly: Ah, December, when we pretend 2023’s cinematic flop fest was just a minor hiccup, thanks to a measly sprinkle of indie gems and international fare. “Furiosa” tried, bless its heart, but audiences didn’t much care. And “Wicked”? More like “Wickedly Overrated.” But hey, documentaries about anyone breathing seem to hit the spot for Netflix viewers. Let’s not forget June Squibb’s adorable cameo, maybe the year’s sole highlight. If you can stomach it, good luck sifting through 2024’s overflowing dumpster of releases. Enjoy!
NASA’s Parker Solar Probe Makes History With Closest Pass to Sun
Acidly: NASA's latest stunt involves flying a glorified tin can closer to the Sun than any misguided human has ever dared. Nicky Fox and Joe Westlake gushed about how "historic" this is—because apparently, mapping our colossal flaming ball of gas was too pedestrian. The data collected will be “fresh information,” ideal for those who enjoy the thrill of watching paint dry. Meanwhile, the rest of us will be here, reveling in the irony of humanity's endless quest for knowledge, one space disaster at a time.
The Good Ol'Ads
Not all Big Lots stores will close: Deal with Gordon Brothers keeps up to 400 open
Acidly: Big Lots filed for bankruptcy and somehow thought it could stay relevant by selling itself off like a yard sale. Enter Variety Wholesalers, a no-name chain that will continue the Big Lots legacy—because who wouldn’t want more of those overpriced clearance items? They plan to keep some Big Lots employees, which must be comforting for them, knowing they’ll still work at the same failing brand just under new management. Meanwhile, Essential Business 101: If you're closing stores at breakneck speed, maybe it's time to rethink your "strategy." Thrilling times ahead!
Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra Release Date Leaks
Acidly: Samsung fans, brace yourselves for the S25 family debut amid endless hype. Accessories by dbrand reveal sharper corners and the same old camera setup, because why innovate when you can just change the shape? Pre-orders start January 24, a whole two days post-Unpacked, thankfully giving everyone time to obsess over the same repetitive features. Expect flashy offers, because a free pair of Galaxy Buds makes buying a phone ever so thrilling. And a Special Edition? Because we clearly need more overpriced models to drool over.
Cat haven in Dunlap on high alert after dozens of large cats die of bird flu
Acidly: In a groundbreaking twist, bird flu has decided to add large cats to its buffet, leaving sanctuaries scrambling for solutions. At Dunlap’s Project Survival Cat Haven, founder Dale Anderson employs a delightful mix of Lysol and paranoia, jumping through hoops to keep his feline friends alive. Apparently, the sanctuary’s main concern isn’t the sick cats but the meat! Thrown away like last week's lunch. So, while cats squint in anguish, the team plays science experiment—wishing that the next round of bad news is just around the corner. Perfect.