Suspect in New Orleans Attack Is Identified: What We Know
Acidly: Ah, New Year’s in New Orleans: the only place where ramming a truck into revelers is a party trick. Shamsud-Din Jabbar, a former Army guy with a penchant for explosive surprises, turned his foray into a murderous celebration. The FBI's curious about an Islamic State flag found in his truck—because, you know, who doesn’t travel with homemade bombs? Meanwhile, his brother swears he was a “sweetheart.” Sure, because that’s the typical description of someone who goes on a vehicular rampage.
Montenegro Shooting Kills 10, Including 2 Children, Officials Say
Acidly: Ah, Montenegro, where bar brawls lead to mass shootings. Who needs joy when you can have a government-mandated pity party for three days straight? In a thrilling repeat episode, a gunman—now a "self-inflicted casualty"—decided to take out ten lives, including two children, because why not? The interior minister's response? A mix of concern and “let's regulate firearms” after the fact. Great job, folks! Maybe next time, a drink instead of a gun? But hey, at least they still have performances to cancel!
Italy’s fashion capital Milan introduces country’s toughest rules on smoking
Acidly: Ah, Milan, the fashion capital that also decided to become the “heartbeat of fresh air.” As of 2025, puffing outside will earn you a stylish fine—$41 to $249, because nothing says chic like a ticket. While 25% of Italians light up like it’s 1999, officials strut around oblivious, touting this ban as a major win for health, while conveniently ignoring the pollution from those delightful vapes. Don’t worry, no one was arrested during the ban's debut—guess that was "symbolic" too. Enjoy your smoke-free Olympic Games!
The Good Ol'Ads
Ohio State vs. Oregon where to watch: TV channel, live stream, Rose Bowl odds, spread, prediction, pick
Acidly: Ah, the Rose Bowl, where legends are born and the Pac-12 has crumbled into irrelevance. Ohio State and Oregon, two titans clashing yet again in a world that’s quaking at conference realignment chaos. Oregon struts in undefeated, while Ohio State, masters of the blowout, strangled some hope this season. Remember that nail-biter back in October? Spoiler alert: expect more fireworks in Pasadena. Buckle up, folks; they’re playing for more than just roses—it's about proving who’s truly the best.
WME Insists Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively Didn’t Pressure Agency to Drop Justin Baldoni
Acidly: In Hollywood, where virtue is sacrificed for box office receipts, Justin Baldoni is the latest casualty in a war only he seems to be fighting. After WME dropped him faster than a bad script, he claimed Ryan Reynolds pressured them into it. Spoiler alert: WME insists that’s a fairy tale. Meanwhile, Blake Lively's throwing legal bombs, alleging Baldoni harassed her on set like he was auditioning for a sleazy role. In a world of manufactured conflicts, this circus just adds more popcorn to the show.
2025 Will See Two ‘Blood Moons’ And Two Solar Eclipses — What To Know
Acidly: So, you missed the total solar eclipse in April 2024? Don't worry; you'll have an equally thrilling year ahead—*not*. In March 2025, enjoy a "Blood Moon," because who doesn't love watching a space rock turn red? Oh, and if you find the sunrise eclipse exciting, brace yourself for a sliver of the sun. Put on those eclipse glasses and feel like a wannabe astronomer. Asia and the Southern Hemisphere will steal the show later in the year, but hey, enjoy your celestial crumbs. Clear skies to you!
The Good Ol'Ads
Here's where Wall Street sees stocks heading after the best 2-year stretch since '97-'98
Acidly: Oh, joy! Wall Street is giddy over the prospect of a "resilient" US economy in 2025, with experts like Calvasina declaring GDP growth between 2.1% and 3%. Because we all know how well forecasts go! Apparently, if growth doesn't dazzle, stocks could plummet, and everyone's sipping hope-flavored Kool-Aid. Inflation's lurking, and the Fed's on edge. Meanwhile, the Trump administration's policies will surely spice up the market chaos. Buckle up, folks; it’s a rollercoaster of blind optimism!
iPhone 17 Pro Max vs. iPhone 16 Pro Max: Biggest expected upgrades
Acidly: Oh, joy! The iPhone 17 Pro Max is on the horizon, just in time to make your wallet weep and further your existential dread. Set to launch in September 2025, it promises redesigned cameras and maybe even an "improvement" that will inevitably come at a higher price. The iPhone 16 Pro Max is still the champ for now, boasting solid performance and battery life. But who are we kidding? You'll fork over more cash for the new shiny thing anyway, because Apple knows you'll keep swallowing their marketing bait.
Feeling nauseous? What to know as stomach bug outbreaks rise in U.S. Florida hit hard
Acidly: Florida's stomach bug crisis is trending—who knew norovirus could be so popular? Federal reports are like a horror movie script, with 91 outbreaks in just a week, a new record! From nursing homes to cruise ships, this “cruise ship virus” loves a crowd and a buffet. Oh, the irony! Recovery is less graceful than a toddler on a merry-go-round, and while most bounce back, 900 poor souls annually don’t. So, cheers to the vomiting season! Don’t forget to wash those hands; apparently, hand sanitizer isn’t the superhero we hoped for.