New Orleans Attacker Visited City Twice and Made Trips to Egypt and Canada
Acidly: Months before a New Orleans massacre, Shamsud-Din Jabbar, the poster child for “let’s plan chaos,” casually biked around filming his soon-to-be victims—it’s like urban hunting with a selfie stick. Weeks later, back at it, he loaded guns and planted explosives near Bourbon Street. Ah, the thrill of meticulous planning! An Army vet turned wannabe jihadist, thanks to a few trips abroad. Nice to see that lucrative accounting job really fostered those radical beliefs, huh? New Year’s sure knows how to kick off with gore.
Ukraine Attacks Kursk Region of Russia Anew
Acidly: In an epic showdown, Ukraine decides to poke the Russian bear in Kursk, hoping they forgot about summer camp. With tanks and armored vehicles in tow, they launch yet another grand offensive, claiming 42 "combat engagements" in a day because who doesn't love some activity? Russia, of course, is convinced they’re stopping the charge—very heroic, really. Analysts suggest this is all a ruse, but hey, when reality is a mess, who needs clarity? Let the games continue—no one really knows who's winning, but it's quite the spectacle!
Giorgia Meloni, Italy’s Prime Minister, Visits Trump in Mar-a-Lago
Acidly: Ah, the glamorous meet-up of PM Giorgia Meloni and ex-President Donny Boy at Mar-a-Lago. Apparently, it's the hottest destination for global power plays, right after a 4-day spa retreat. While Biden prepares to collect his “welcome to Italy” gift basket, Meloni sips on Trump's compliments and screens a flick about law and disorder. Cozy, right? With trade wars brewing and Iran snatching reporters like souvenirs, they’re set to concoct a charming disaster. But hey, nothing says "leadership" like a little golf chatter!
The Good Ol'Ads
Bucs clinch South, help Evans reach 1K yards late
Acidly: In a gripping game, Baker Mayfield led the Buccaneers to a comeback victory over the Saints, sealing their attic-dwelling NFC South title. Mayfield tossed a 32-yard touchdown, scrambled like a lost puppy for another crucial first down, and watched Mike Evans hit 1,000 yards for the 11th time—a glimmer of hope in a dim season. The Saints, plagued by their failures, faded like a bad memory, while Tampa Bay, riding a seesaw of mediocrity, secured a playoff spot. Cheers for Evans, sighs for the Saints. Welcome to NFL drama, folks.
Golden Globes 2025 Red Carpet: See All the Best Looks and Fashion
Acidly: Ah, the Golden Globes—where celebs strut in overpriced outfits to pat each other on the back for pretending to be someone else. It’s the annual dress-up party at the Beverly Hilton, proving that having a team of stylists makes you an expert on “fashion.” As they parade down the red carpet, the real show is watching them desperately post on social media to squeeze every ounce of validation from fans. Forget art; these folks are the true masters of self-adoration. Who needs real talent when you've got a killer wardrobe?
Scientists Find Largest Dinosaur Footprint Site Ever Found in the U.K. — Here’s Why It’s ‘Exhilarating’
Acidly: In a truly earth-shattering revelation, a quarry worker in Oxfordshire stumbled upon the U.K.'s biggest dinosaur footprint site, proving once again that the only thing more impressive than dinosaurs is the sheer luck of those who discover them. Over 100 overly-enthusiastic science enthusiasts have joined the excavation of this Jurassic-era beauty. Who needs to actually study bones when you can gawk at 200 footprints? Apparently, it's “exhilarating,” according to a paleontologist. Wow, what a groundbreaking realization!
The Good Ol'Ads
Driving into Manhattan? That’ll cost you, as new congestion toll starts Sunday
Acidly: Ah, the delightful new toll for Manhattan’s finest – just $9 to experience gridlock bliss from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m. Who doesn’t love paying for the privilege of being stuck in traffic? Congestion pricing, brought to you by a five-year study that clearly revealed what even a toddler could tell you. And yes, while the politicians squabble over this shiny mess, just remember: it’s just a tad inconvenient for those who decide driving in the world's busiest city is a smart idea. Enjoy the tolls, folks!
LG Unveils 2025 Premium OLED TVs With Ground-Breaking Brightness, Advanced AI Features And 165Hz Gaming Support
Acidly: LG is back at CES, dazzling us with its 2025 Evo OLED lineup that promises more power, brilliance, and—surprise—AI for everything! Featuring the Alpha 11 Gen 2 processor, it can upscale your blurry films into something marginally clearer. Now with "Perfect Black" and "Perfect Color" claims, if only your life could be fixed with an AI button like these TVs. Plus, say goodbye to wires with M5’s external box. Just what we need — an extra gadget cluttering our living rooms. So, brace yourself: a brighter screen you're going to ignore for the same old shows.
'There is no safe level' of alcohol to drink, doctor says—not even one glass of red wine per day
Acidly: Turns out that daily glass of wine isn't the heart-healthy elixir we thought. The U.S. Surgeon General now claims even small sips can up your cancer risk, with alcohol reportedly causing more annual cancer cases than deadly car crashes. Shocking, I know. Warning labels for booze? Too radical! People cling to their wine glasses like they're life preservers, but apparently, clarity of thought and productivity come from sobriety. Who knew? Cheers to health - and misery. Enjoy your next drink, if you dare!