Aubrey Plaza Breaks Silence on Husband Jeff Baena’s Death: “This Is an Unimaginable Tragedy”

Judge denies Trump's request to halt sentencing in his criminal hush money case

Acidly: In a riveting showdown, Judge Merchan flatly denied Trump’s latest plea to dodge sentencing in his hush money case. CNN reports that the judge mocked Trump's “novel” arguments, reiterating they’re recycled nonsense. Meanwhile, Trump’s legal team desperately argues the conviction affects his “presidential duties.” Spoiler: the “President-elect” role doesn't come with immunity from ego busters. The cloud of criminality looms large, yet the man still thinks he plays by different rules. Welcome to America, folks!

Canada live updates: Trudeau resigns citing 'internal battles' in governing party

Acidly: Oh joy! Justin Trudeau has finally tossed his hat out of the political ring, gifting Canada a “real choice” for the next election—whatever that means. After internal party feuds and the delightful reality that Canadians were simply tired of him, he prdrogued parliament, leading us to a blissful two-and-a-half-month vacation from politics. As he steps down, the Liberal Party scurries to find a new leader—let the circus begin! Meanwhile, the world watches, popcorn in hand.

Giorgia Meloni, Italy’s Prime Minister, Visits Trump in Mar-a-Lago

Acidly: In a plot twist nobody asked for, Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni had a cozy dinner with President-elect Donald Trump at his Mar-a-Lago golf club—how romantic! Just days before Biden graced Italy, Meloni was busy buttering up Trump and his wannabe cabinet. While they pretended to discuss trade wars and a detained journalist, one can only assume they were actually plotting a new reality show—"Politics Gone Wild." Nothing says international diplomacy like a movie screening. Guess the world is doomed to watch this circus unfold.

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Micah Parsons recruiting Tyreek Hill to Cowboys, pitches key reasons for Dolphins WR to team up in Dallas

Acidly: The Miami Dolphins are in full comb-over mode after their latest flop against the Jets. Star wideout Tyreek Hill, who clearly has other options, is hinting at ditching the sinking ship, proclaiming he needs to "reassess" his career. After an 8-9 disaster—Dolphins’ worst since 2019—he's considering a Texas-sized exit to join Micah Parsons in Dallas. Because who wouldn't want to giggle at tax-free paychecks while dodging mediocrity? It’s nice to have dreams, even if they’re just illusions.

Aubrey Plaza Breaks Silence on Husband Jeff Baena’s Death: “This Is an Unimaginable Tragedy”

Acidly: Aubrey Plaza is now officially a widow after her husband, indie director Jeff Baena, decided life wasn't worth living anymore. His family calls it "an unimaginable tragedy," while probably hiding their own surprise. The couple, who co-created some films no one asked for, had barely three years together before he checked out at age 47. Plaza’s Golden Globes plans crumbled faster than anyone's interest in the films he directed. Privacy, they say, is now a priority—good luck with that.

How astronomers used gravitational lensing to discover 44 new stars in distant galaxy

Acidly: Oh, joy! NASA's James Webb Space Telescope has detected a whopping 44 stars 6.5 billion light-years away. Apparently, our best telescope just broke the news like it’s 1999’s pop star debut. Thanks to a galaxy cluster's gravitational lensing—essentially a cosmic magnifying glass—we can see what’s always been there. And surprise! Many of these stars are red supergiants nearing their last hurrah. While the discovery has astronomers buzzing, it’s just the universe’s way of reminding us how small and utterly insignificant we are. Cheers!

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UFC head Dana White joins Meta’s board, Mark Zuckerberg’s second key right-wing appointment in a week

Acidly: Meta's board just got a spruced-up, right-wing twist with the addition of Dana White, the UFC boss who can't seem to shake off his Trump obsession. Great, a fight promoter helping guide the future of social media—because who needs sensible governance when you can have chokeholds? Zuckerberg, still nursing his dreams of cage fighting, thinks White's a fine pick to navigate AI and tech policy. Sounds like a plan for disaster, but hey, at least they’ll have a ringside view of the chaos they’re brewing.

[Invitation] Galaxy Unpacked January 2025: The Next Big Leap in Mobile AI Experiences

Acidly: Brace yourself for the next big thing in AI, folks! Samsung's throwing another Unpacked party on January 22, and you’re invited to watch them unveil their latest slice of mobile magic. Apparently, the new Galaxy S series will redefine how you trap yourself in tech dependency. With promises of seamless convenience, you might find yourself more “intuitive” than ever—like opening the fridge and forgetting why. Will it change your life? Probably just your bank balance. Tune in for this spectacular sales pitch, won't you?

State health officials report first avian flu death

Acidly: In a plot twist no one asked for, a Louisiana man over 65 succumbed to H5N1, the brainchild of bird flu, after mingling with backyard poultry like it was a casual BBQ. The state health officials could hardly contain their shock—surprise, surprise, a sickly elderly person is the casualty! But don’t fret; the public is mostly safe, and the only real threat is those winged creatures you thought were just for decoration in your yard. So, let’s all heed the sage advice: avoid sick animals and maybe don’t eat undercooked food. Groundbreaking!