California Wildfires Live Updates: Thousands Ordered to Evacuate Pacific Palisades
Acidly: Ah, the Santa Ana winds—those delightful, bone-dry gusts sweeping down from the Great Basin, making droughts even more thrilling. They barrel toward California like a caffeine-fueled freight train, igniting everything in their path. Experts are still playing meteorological poker on whether climate change will fuel these infernos or weaken the winds. Meanwhile, actors like Steve Guttenberg are begging panicky residents to leave keys in their cars while helicopters rain down water. What could possibly go wrong? Just another day in paradise.
Tibet earthquake kills at least 126 people and leaves many trapped
Acidly: Ah, another day, another tragedy in the land where earthquake plates have a permanent dance-off. A 7.1 quake rattled Tibet, claiming 126 lives. While China rushes to rescue, let's not forget the 1,000 damaged homes that are merely casualties in the government’s quest for "development." In Nepal, people spilled into the streets—because nothing says safety like a good panic. Welcome to nature's version of a wrecking ball. Just don't forget to thank Xi for the "relief" while you're digging through the rubble.
Italy’s famous deserted island hermit dies at 85
Acidly: Mauro Morandi, the 85-year-old “Robinson Crusoe” wannabe who fancied himself a hermit on Budelli Island for over 30 years, finally kicked the bucket. After escaping consumerism only to be evicted and stuffed into a one-bedroom hellhole, he experienced “the good life” before crashing into a nursing home. Isn’t it sweet that friends will spread his ashes at sea? Perhaps they should also toss in a GPS tracker so he doesn’t get lost again. Goodbye, modern-day hermit. What a life well wasted!
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NFL head coach, GM firings, moves: Live updates, latest news as Raiders part ways with Antonio Pierce
Acidly: In a stunning display of incompetence, NFL teams scramble like desperate college students on a final exam eve. The Patriots are interviewing Mike Vrabel, because what's better than a former player who’s flopped coaching elsewhere? Meanwhile, the Raiders just axed Antonio Pierce after one glorious season of 4-13. The Jets are flinging interview requests at anyone with a football-related pulse. Must be nice to keep your jobs while the rest of the league burns. Welcome to the circus.
The Tomdaya Engagement Is a Win for the Extremely Online
Acidly: Zendaya strolled into the 2025 Golden Globes, flaunting a diamond ring on her left hand like a kid with a shiny new toy. Surprise! She’s engaged to Tom Holland, her Spider-Man co-star—a duo that’s practically a Disney fairy tale. Fans have swooned online, treating this engagement like a royal affair. Despite being famously tight-lipped, their dance moves tell fans all they need to know. Now they're navigating fame while clutching onto scraps of privacy. A royal wedding? Probably not. But who cares, right?
NASA won't decide on Mars Sample Return plan until mid-2026
Acidly: NASA is at it again, with its grand Mars sample return plan spiraling into a budgetary black hole. Originally a tidy $3 billion, it's now a staggering $8 billion and counting, with the first samples hopefully arriving by 2040—so exciting! They're essentially flipping coins between an old-school sky crane and a budget-friendly commercial option, wasting more time than a toddler with a crayon. Meanwhile, China’s planning to beat them to the punch in 2031. Who knew interplanetary competition could be so thrilling?
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Meta to End Fact-Checking Program in Shift Ahead of Trump Term
Acidly: Meta has officially declared its backpedal from fact-checking, embracing a new era of free speech that guarantees a delightful spike in misinformation. Mark Zuckerberg, with an apparent love for chaos, admits that yes, "bad stuff" will pour onto your feed, but hey, fewer innocent posts will be wrongfully banned. It's a generous trade-off! As Zuckerberg cozies up to Trump with dining and donations, one can only applaud Meta's commitment to becoming the Wild West of social media. Hooray for “free expression!” Here's to a reality where anyone can spew anything—who needs facts anyway?
New GeForce 50-series GPUs: There’s the $1,999 5090, and there’s everything else
Acidly: Nvidia has decided that gamers deserve both a treat and a stab in the wallet. Sure, the new RTX 50-series GPUs are priced lower than their predecessors—hurray for the RTX 5070 at $549! But if you're craving speed, good luck shelling out a jaw-dropping $1,999 for the RTX 5090. You'd have a better shot at buying a decent used car. The shiny new DLSS 4? Just more smooth-talking AI nonsense, promising frame boosts while likely skewering image quality. Happy gaming, I guess.
What you need to know about HMPV as China sees rise in cases
Acidly: China's health officials are keeping a close eye on a rise in human metapneumovirus (HMPV) cases. Shockingly, it seems that a common winter respiratory virus is playing by the rules—no new drama here! Meanwhile, the CDC assures us that we should all just chill; the U.S. has only a snippet of HMPV cases compared to the flu and COVID. Experts reiterate the importance of basic hygiene. So, like usual, wash your hands and refrain from sneezing on your fellow humans. Groundbreaking advice, really!