California wildfires live updates: Pacific Palisades fire is most destructive in LA history

Acidly: Ah, another day in sunny California—where the winds don’t just whisper, they scream at 70 mph, fanning the flames of utter destruction. The Eaton fire? Oh, just your average January inferno, destroying hundreds of structures because why follow seasons when you can destroy homes instead? Firefighters and Navy choppers are on it, but only when the wind plays nice. Meanwhile, the Oscars get rescheduled because, you know, priorities. Let’s hope everyone’s got their survival kits prepped amid the calamity. Priorities, right?

Hostage Is Found Dead in Gaza Tunnel, Israel Says

Acidly: In another tragic chapter of the never-ending conflict, the Israeli military has unearthed the body of Youssef Ziyadne, a hostage snatched during the infamous attack on October 7. Don't worry—his surviving children, Bilal and Aisha, were released during a temporary truce, because nothing says progress like trading people for prisoners. Meanwhile, Hamza, Youssef’s son, remains shrouded in uncertainty like a suspenseful thriller nobody asked for. Oh, and President-elect Trump is now somehow involved, because why not? War, hostages, and politics—what a delightful mess.

Italian journalist Cecilia Sala lands back in Rome after being freed from detention in Iran

Acidly: Cecilia Sala, the Italian journalist who apparently forgot she wasn't on vacation, has emerged from the depths of Evin prison after a 21-day detour in Iran. The Italian PM and her parents must have been thrilled to see her again—in a touching reunion they didn’t even bother to film. Sala was detained while trying to cover the land of “freedom,” which, surprise, doesn’t quite exist there. Official charges? Who knows! Just another day in the slam for a reporter who thought she could play by her own rules. Welcome back to reality!

The Good Ol'Ads

NFL plans to play Vikings-Rams in Los Angeles, but fires could force game to Arizona

Acidly: The NFL is considering moving the Vikings-Rams playoff game from LA to Arizona due to wildfires—because nothing screams “safety first” like playing a high-stakes game amid tragedy. Sure, let’s focus on the integrity of a football game when entire communities are crumbling. “Our hearts are with Los Angeles,” they say. How touching. But hey, what's a few thousand misplaced lives and homes when there's a chance to crown a playoff champion? Priorities, right? #Sarcasm

Celebrities Who Lost Homes in LA, Palisades Fires: Full List

Acidly: Well, there’s nothing like a good wildfire to bring a little excitement to the overpriced real estate market in LA. As flames danced through the Pacific Palisades, celebrities—including Mark Hamill and Reese Witherspoon—scrambled to evacuate their multi-million dollar homes, much to the dismay of insurance companies everywhere. Amidst the chaos, Diane Warren found solace in a rainbow, while others mourned their burnt mansions. But hey, who needs houses when you have Instagram to document your losses? #FireSeasonForever.

NASA defers decision on Mars Sample Return to the Trump administration

Acidly: NASA's whims make Mars exploration seem like a sci-fi sitcom. After Perseverance's 4-year scavenger hunt for ancient life rocks, officials can't figure out how to bring home 30 glorified pebbles without ballooning costs to $11 billion or more. The Trump administration's next NASA guru (Hi, Jared Isaacman!) will decide if it's drones or corporate landers to play fetch with samples, while the rest of us wait until 2039. Brilliant strategy to let China scoop Mars rocks first. Good luck, Earthlings!

The Good Ol'Ads

What’s Behind Meta’s Makeover Ahead of Trump’s Second Term?

Acidly: Mark Zuckerberg, the digital puppet master, tried to keep his chaotic social media circus free from the political funhouse. But as Trump’s second act approaches, he’s swapping neutrality for MAGA flair. Meta, the shapeshifting monster that’s tried everything from crypto to the metaverse, is now a political chameleon. What does it stand for? Who knows! Zuck’s just scrambling to stay relevant, even if it means bending to whatever flavor of politics fits his fragile empire. Survival of the fickle, folks!

Samsung is rolling out a smartphone subscription next month

Acidly: Samsung's latest brainwave? Let’s slap a subscription on your Galaxy phone. Apparently, paying monthly for your AI's "benefits" will make it smarter. A package deal: cool features for free until 2025, then who knows—probably financial ruin. They tested this genius idea on fridges and TVs in Korea. Now, the Ballie robot might come signed up first. Don't worry, if you can hold out until January's Galaxy Unpacked, you might get all the details while clutching your wallet. Cheers to innovation!

Stomach bug outbreaks jumped gut-wrenching 366% in N.J. last month

Acidly: Oh joy! December brought us a 366% spike in norovirus outbreaks, because who doesn’t love explosive vomiting and diarrhea during the holidays? New Jersey reported 70 outbreaks compared to last year's 15. The stats don’t lie—people are willingly sharing this delightful bug. While health officials advise thorough hand washing, many are still opting for polite hand sanitizer. And, of course, it’s all peak winter fun! Remember, when you’re hugging the toilet, just think of it as community bonding!