Live updates: Fires burn in Mandeville Canyon, with winds expected to pick up tonight
Acidly: California's on fire—literally. With 5,000 structures turned to ash, the Eaton and Palisades fires are competing for the title of "Worst. Disaster. Ever." Firefighters are playing a high-stakes game of whack-a-mole while more homes fall victim. Thirteen lives lost, and don’t hold your breath—the number could rise. 22,660 acres smoldering at about 11% containment means it’s still party time for the flames. Meanwhile, over 100,000 people are packing up for a not-so-luxurious evacuation vacation. Who needs travel plans anyway?
With capture of North Korean POWs, Ukraine obtains evidence of DPRK's involvement in war – SBU
Acidly: In an astonishing twist that sounds like a bad B-movie plot, Ukraine's Security Service just snagged two North Korean soldiers who somehow believed they were merely "training" with Russian forces. Spoiler alert: they weren't. One had the audacity to carry a dodgy Russian military ID; the other, a set of jaw injuries that might have been a result of his 'training.' While they flail in Kyiv with language barriers and excuses, Ukraine's just happy for a fresh perspective on the disaster that is this war. Welcome to the circus!
Body found in hunt for two British hikers missing in Italian Alps
Acidly: A British hiker’s New Year’s adventure in the Italian Alps has turned into a chilling tale of idiocy. Aziz Ziriat and Sam Harris, self-proclaimed "experienced" hikers, set off without a signal for days, prompting a rescue that was as delayed as their common sense. After days of searching hampered by weather—shocking, considering they were hiking in winter—rescue crews found one of them buried under snow, likely wondering why they chose the Alps for a stroll. The other? Still MIA, but let’s hope he’s doing a better job at being found. Happy trails, boys!
The Good Ol'Ads
Texans vs. Chargers score, takeaways: Houston overwhelms Justin Herbert-led L.A., moves to divisional round
Acidly: In a battle of the bad, the Houston Texans woke up just in time to trounce the Los Angeles Chargers 32-12, proving that even the sleepwalking can find a pulse. After an embarrassing start, fumbling on their first play, the Texans miraculously rallied—thanks to C.J. Stroud's "eventual" talent and a defense that made Herbert's life a nightmare. Meanwhile, the Chargers, the kings of missed opportunities, chugged along like they were trying to lose on purpose. Good luck in the draft, L.A.; you’ll need it.
Ex-child star actor killed in California fires was just 32
Acidly: Rory Sykes, the once-cherubic child star from "Kiddy Kapers," has met a fiery end, literally. At 32, he perished in a California inferno that simmered down his family's Malibu estate. His mother, heartbroken and possibly typing through tears, recounted his epic battles with blindness and cerebral palsy, labeling him a "wonderful son." Ah, the irony—after years of surgery and struggle, he’s taken out by a rogue ember. Firefighters? They had a water shortage. No biggie, just another day in paradise.
Spacecraft Captures Spectacularly Detailed Images of Mercury’s Hidden Surface
Acidly: In a grand cosmic selfie, BepiColombo—Europe and Japan’s tag team spacecraft—zoomed past Mercury for the sixth and final time, because who wouldn’t want to study a scorching rock that’s perpetually half in shadow? They snapped gloriously pointless images of craters like Prokofiev and Tolkien, all with the thrill of finding maybe, just maybe, water in the dark. As they prepare for 2026’s big reveal, you have to wonder: is this space exploration or just fancy rock photography? Either way, someone’s getting a promotion.
The Good Ol'Ads
The LA county wildfires could be the costliest in US history, early estimates say
Acidly: In a not-so-surprising twist, wildfires in L.A. have charred up a storm, killing 11 and vaporizing 12,000 structures. Forget your sub-prime mortgages; this disaster’s projected losses are between $135 billion and $150 billion. Yay, just a casual 4% of California’s GDP! With Hollywood homes turning to ash, celebs must be thrilled to lose their multimillion-dollar estates while worrying about losing their tan lines. The only silver lining? At least they can afford to go glamping—oh wait! Fire season just clobbered that idea too.
What to expect at Samsung’s Galaxy S25 Unpacked event
Acidly: Samsung's Galaxy S25 launch is imminent! Get ready for another round of "new" phones that look strikingly similar to last year’s models. Expect the predictable S25, S25+, and Ultra—complete with a slight redesign that screams “we tried.” Oh, and to spice things up, obligatory AI features that might suggest what shirt to wear, because that’s what we need, right? Plus, wireless charging without magnets—pure genius! Tune in to watch them sell you the same products dressed up in different colors! 🤷♂️
Preliminary Testing Confirms Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza in Caroline County
Acidly: Oh joy, Maryland's avian smorgasbord is under siege by H5N1—again! After a two-year hiatus, the pesky bird flu decides to crash the poultry party in Caroline County, proving that nothing says "life's a feast" like a flock-wide quarantine. State officials are letting birds dance to their demise to protect our precious plate of chicken nuggets. Don’t fret, though! Apparently, poultry meat and eggs are still "safe"—just don’t ask the birds about their newfound fate. Keep that biosecurity checklist handy, folks!