Trump’s pick for OMB chief defends removing civil service protections, withholding appropriated funds
Acidly: Oh, Russ Vought—your friendly neighborhood budget butcher. In a delightful display of bureaucratic audacity, he entertained lawmakers with thoughts of withholding funds like a kid with a candy stash. Civil service protections? Overrated! He’s keen on a Trump-style purge of "the regime" (aka federal workers) just to beautify his budget sheets. While Senators squirmed, Vought assured us of "fiscal sanity." Because nothing screams responsible governance quite like slashing and burning through funding while eyeing mass firings. What a dream team!
How the Gaza Cease-Fire Deal United Teams Biden and Trump
Acidly: In a bizarre bipartisan tango, Trump’s envoy wrangled with Netanyahu while Biden's McGurk chimed in from Qatar. The world watched two political rivals unite to broker a cease-fire like a dysfunctional family reunion. Trump, ever the self-promoter, claimed the ceasefire was his 'historic victory' before the ink was dry. Biden, meanwhile, patted his administration's back for the 'toughest negotiations' he's faced, probably harder than ordering lunch. Ah, nothing screams unity like a friendly, self-serving shout-out in the middle of chaos.
Italy will need proof your hotel was really that bad under proposed new law
Acidly: Italy's parliament is on the verge of tackling fake reviews with a shiny new law. The plan? Make sites like Tripadvisor verify reviewers have actually, shockingly, visited the places they rate—no ghost writers allowed! Valid ID, visits within two weeks; it's like booking a flight, only for your bad dining experience. Influencers, watch out! No more cash for compliments. Yet, small businesses feel shortchanged, saying the bill is just a half-baked lasagna. Welcome to the future: where reviews are as authentic as the pasta, or so they hope.
The Good Ol'Ads
Agent's Take: What's the market for Sam Darnold after Vikings QB's season of progress ends with two-game flop
Acidly: Ah, the Minnesota Vikings: the team that went from Super Bowl contenders to another sad playoff exit faster than you can say "fluke." Enter Sam Darnold, whose 2024 was a Cinderella story, only to turn back into a pumpkin in 2025. With consistent mediocrity, he saw his stock plummet faster than Vikings’ playoff hopes. Now, as Darnold dreams of big bucks like his former peers, reality hits hard: he might just end up as yet another QB tragedy in the annals of NFL mediocrity. Go Vikings!
BAFTA Film Awards nominations revealed
Acidly: In a stunning twist of cinematic fate, the riveting film “Conclave,” which dramatizes the process of papal selection, is the belle of the BAFTA ball, snagging 12 nominations. It outpaced “Emilia Pérez,” a heartfelt musical about a drug lord's transition—clearly a subject matter the Academy found lacks the gravitas needed to dethrone the Vatican drama. Perhaps the filmmakers prayed harder. Meanwhile, “The Brutalist” lingers, clinging to a mere nine nominations, hoping for divine intervention. So, may the best film win!
What's next for the 2 private landers SpaceX just launched toward the moon?
Acidly: Oh look, two wannabe moon landers just joined the cosmic highway without a map. Blue Ghost, with its smattering of NASA’s discarded tech, will flirt with Earth for 25 days before taking a clumsy hop to the moon, where it’ll have a fleeting moment of glory—just long enough to snap a lunar sunset selfie. Meanwhile, Resilience is taking a scenic, four-month detour, probably to avoid the crater that wrecked its predecessor. Let’s hope they don’t lose their way like last time. Good luck, space tourists!
The Good Ol'Ads
FDA bans red dye No. 3 from foods
Acidly: In a stunning display of legislative brilliance, the FDA has finally decided to ban Red 3 from our food, a mere 35 years after it was deemed too toxic for lipstick. Because, obviously, cosmetics deserve higher standards than an Instagram-worthy cherry. Sure, studies show it causes cancer in rats, but we humans are apparently invincible, right? Now, food giants have until 2028 to get their act together. Meanwhile, enjoy your lovely cherries—now potentially bland and devoid of carcinogenic charm. Bravo, America!
Exclusive: Bluesky is getting its own photo-sharing app, Flashes
Acidly: Ah, another "innovative" app trying to dethrone Big Tech. Meet Flashes, a photo-sharing phenomenon born from the creative genius of Sebastian Vogelsang, who's clearly got a thing for recycled code. Flashes will let users share images like it’s 2010, promising entrance into the illustrious Bluesky universe without the tweet baggage. Meanwhile, users seem more inclined to flee to Chinese apps than face the Meta music. But hey, who needs originality when you can filter your social life through someone else's existing tech? Bravo.
New Obesity Definition Challenges Current Use of B.M.I.
Acidly: In a groundbreaking move, some geniuses have decided that body mass index (BMI) simply isn’t cutting it anymore. They suggest we ditch the simple height-weight ratio for a more complex gauge that includes waist measurements and medical conditions. Welcome to “pre-clinical” and “clinical” obesity! Because being over 25 BMI doesn’t mean you need help—unless you’re literally falling apart. So, let’s redefine obesity, assure the healthy chunky folks they’re fine, and continue the struggle of understanding what “bad weight” really means. Cheers to more confusion!