Ahead of Day 1, Trump’s Team Works to Temper Expectations on Immigration
Acidly: Ah, Donald Trump’s grand dreams of mass deportation are meeting the harsh light of reality—who could've predicted that? His immigration team is slowly realizing that deporting millions isn't just a catchy slogan. Turns out, there's this pesky thing called a budget and a lack of resources. With ICE limited to 40,000 daily detentions and a mere 20,000 employees, perhaps Trump could do the math—deporting 12 million isn't a “Day 1” job; it’s a “let's-hope-for-a-miracle” job instead.
Live updates: Israel releases 90 Palestinian prisoners as part of ceasefire deal with Hamas
Acidly: A ceasefire in Gaza has birthed a parade of 630 aid trucks amidst a humanitarian apocalypse, but don’t pop the confetti just yet. Tom Fletcher of the UN warns needs are "staggering" after 15 months of relentless war. Meanwhile, three Israeli hostages are back—cue the family tears—while their counterparts in the West Bank await their turn. The whirlwind of political maneuvering continues, with Trump and Biden high-fiving from opposite sides while lives remain under siege. It's blissful chaos, isn’t it?
Italy releases Iranian businessman wanted by US over drone attack that killed Americans
Acidly: Meet Mohammad Abedini, the Iranian businessman who just breezed out of an Italian jail after being accused of aiding a drone strike that offed three American soldiers. Italy, perhaps fancying itself a legal purgatory, decided the US couldn’t play judge because their crime game didn’t align. Abedini's lawyer triumphantly announced his client could "smile and hope again." Sure, because nothing screams freedom quite like a possible drone strike charge back home. Meanwhile, speculation buzzes about trade-offs with Italy’s journalist release. Oh, diplomacy!
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Eagles vs. Rams where to watch: Kickoff time, TV channel, live stream, odds, prediction for NFL playoffs
Acidly: Ah, the magical matchup between the Eagles and Rams, all dressed up like it's 2000. With each team puffing its chest over recent Super Bowl outings, one can only imagine how thrilling their first postseason clash in 23 years will be. Snow's set to sprinkle drama, but don't hold your breath; snow in Philly is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Of course, if the Rams choke on ice and Barkley slips on a banana peel, it’ll be the Eagles' day. How thrilling—like watching a dad try to connect with his teenage son.
'SNL': Dave Chappelle Roasts Diddy's Freak-Off Parties in Monologue
Acidly: Dave Chappelle graced SNL again, mocking Sean "Diddy" Combs' freak-off fiasco while puffing on a cig like a true pro. Chappelle, reveling in Diddy’s legal circus, lamented over his exclusion from the dubious orgies, “Guess I'm ugly!” Thanks for the self-esteem boost, Dave. As for the numerous baby oil bottles seized during a raid? He quipped that Diddy is “committed to the lifestyle.” What a revelation! Forget wildfires; Diddy's house could become an oil rig. Welcome to Hollywood, folks!
This Week In Space podcast: Episode 144 — The great lunar armada
Acidly: In a week of stellar flops and minor triumphs, SpaceX loses its Starship upper stage like a kid losing their lunch money, while Blue Origin's New Glenn just barely resists the urge to take a swim in the ocean. Welcome to the era of the Great Lunar Armada, where a bunch of fancy toys head to Luna Incognita because, hey, why not? They even have a dad joke—because nothing screams “space exploration” like humor after failure. Tune in or don't. Who needs space news when you can watch paint dry?
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Trump’s Cryptocurrency Surges to Become One of the World’s Most Valuable
Acidly: In a shocking turn of events, the Trump family has launched a shiny new crypto meme token, $Trump, that skyrocketed to a mind-boggling $13 billion in just two days. Critics worry it’s a speculative nightmare, but what do they know? Economists shrug, claiming the impending crash will take down innocent bystanders. Eric Trump stayed silent—good choice. Meanwhile, the family’s already plotting their next token, $Melania. Because who doesn’t like a good Ponzi scheme wrapped in a glittery bow?
Instagram Debuts New Video-Editing App, as TikTok Deals With a Ban
Acidly: In a stunning display of originality, Instagram decided to launch "Edits," a video editor straight out of someone else's playbook, just as TikTok faced a ban. Adam Mosseri, head of Instagram, claims it's to help creators, but really, it's about jumping on a sinking ship. While TikTok's users are praying for their beloved app, Meta is acting like a vulture circling the carcass. Who knew that creativity meant copying? Get ready to post your “unique” videos everywhere but TikTok. Bravo, Instagram. Truly groundbreaking.
Bird flu found in a Georgia commercial flock for the 1st time amid the nationwide outbreak
Acidly: In a delightful turn of events, Georgia's beloved chicken industry is now facing a charming visitor: bird flu! Just when you thought it was safe to eat chicken, a lovely case popped up in Elbert County, home to 45,000 broiler breeders. Amid the chaos, the state government has jump-started a quarantine and “depoulation” party – sounds festive! As the world wonders how to prevent a chicken apocalypse, local authorities assure us every bite is still safe. Because when has a virus ever spoiled a good meal?