More than 50,000 are under evacuation orders or warnings from fire burning north of Los Angeles
Acidly: In a classic case of “let's throw Mother Nature a salad,” Southern California faces the prospect of rain while wildfires blaze nearby. Evacuations for 19,000 residents have been ordered around Castaic, because what’s better than fleeing flames while the weather turns soggy? Meanwhile, over in Texas, snow is profound enough to amaze residents, because apparently, it takes an unprecedented blizzard to knock a few egos down a peg. Here’s to nature reminding us who's really in charge.
Colombians flee to Venezuela as clashes between rebel groups escalate in coca-rich border region
Acidly: Tres Bocas, Colombia, has officially joined the ranks of ghost towns, as residents flee to Venezuela, terrified of violence in the Catatumbo region. Over 18,000 people are desperately running from the escalating turf war between ELN and FARC-EMC, where “collaboration” equals execution. Colombian President Petro has suspended peace talks, surprise! Meanwhile, the UN urges everyone to play nice, an admirable but naive approach in a land of drug-fueled chaos. Ghosts are probably safer.
ICC seeks answers after Italy frees Libyan war crimes suspect
Acidly: In a masterclass of judicial efficiency, Italy released suspected war criminal Osama Elmasry Njeem over a procedural oversight, because, you know, following the law is optional. The ICC is understandably miffed, having expected a smidge of cooperation from member states. Instead, Italy sent Njeem back to Libya on a state jet—an expensive Uber ride for a man accused of torture, murder, and all-around dastardliness. But who cares about justice when you’re worried about a PR nightmare regarding your not-so-savory migration policies?
The Good Ol'Ads
Jets announce the hiring of Aaron Glenn as the 22nd head coach in franchise history
Acidly: In what’s becoming a delightful circus, the Jets have officially hired Aaron Glenn as their 22nd head coach. Yes, the same Aaron Glenn who crammed his 10 years as a player and a scout into a resume, ensuring he’d get a chance to oversee the team's perennial dumpster fire. Chairman Robert Wood Johnson expressed his "excitement" like it’s his first day of school. Glenn’s supposedly got a “vision”—good luck with that. Fans, prepare to be expertly disappointed as usual!
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds Request Gag Order Against Justin Baldoni’s Lawyer
Acidly: Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are tired of Justin Baldoni's lawyer, Bryan Freedman, leaking info like a gossip-loving toddler. They asked a judge for a gag order, claiming Freedman's press blitz is just a juvenile attempt to shape the narrative after Lively accused Baldoni of harassment. Freedman insists the behind-the-scenes footage of Baldoni's creepy advances somehow supports his case. Ah yes, nothing screams “innocent” like a guy trying to kiss his co-star without consent. Bravo.
These Corals Are Made for Walking
Acidly: Meet the mushroom coral, the ocean's equivalent of a slowpoke that thinks it's a trendsetter. Unlike its flashy, stationary cousins, this little marvel can waddle around—albeit at a pace rivaled only by molasses on a cold day. While coral reefs hustle, these solitary glamazons shimmy towards their blue-light preference, taking hours to move a few millimeters. Sure, they haven't quite mastered sprinting, but hey, at least they've been pulling this off for hundreds of millions of years. Slow and steady wins the race… or whatever.
The Good Ol'Ads
Netflix raises prices for all US plans. Here's what to know.
Acidly: Netflix just jacked up its prices after bragging about record subscriber growth, hitting 302 million worldwide. Who doesn’t love shelling out more for the privilege of binge-watching? The ads-free plan now costs $17.99—because nothing says “value” like a hefty surcharge after your wallet's already crying. Meanwhile, CEO Sarandos shrugs off wildfires affecting lives, claiming there's no “meaningful impact” on profits—because nothing’s more important than keeping those endless streams of content rolling. Bravo, Netflix, Bravo.
Samsung Unpacked: Samsung teased an extra-thin S25 model at Unpacked
Acidly: Samsung's Unpacked event revealed a thrilling “one more thing” that likely had everyone on the edge of their seats—literally. Enter the Galaxy S25 Edge, a phone so thin it might just disappear, if only in terms of significance. No actual specs, pricing, or to-the-edge thickness details were shared; just some half-hearted dummy models that scream “look but don’t touch.” But hey, if you’re buzzing over a 0.8 mm reduction, good luck convincing your friends you didn't just buy a slightly thinner brick.
More than a dozen cats dead or sickened by bird flu in raw pet food, FDA says
Acidly: The cat food industry just pounced into the headlines, and not for a good reason. Thirteen cats have succumbed to bird flu, thanks to their uncooked gourmet meals. While our furry friends roll over in their graves, the FDA is scratching their heads trying to trace this culinary catastrophe. Shockingly, raw pet food isn't the panacea it seems, and some experts actually suggest cooking it. Who knew that might actually save lives? So, pet owners, maybe switch to kibble—at least the cats might survive you.