Trump Administration Fires Prosecutors Who Aided Jack Smith Investigations: Live Updates
Acidly: In true Trump fashion, the chaos reigns supreme as an obscure acting attorney general executes a purge in the Justice Department, targeting career prosecutors—because why not? With every dismissal, the illusion of a fair legal system crumbles. Meanwhile, senior officials like Bradley Weinsheimer get reassigned to less significant roles, sending a clear message: dissent will not be tolerated. America's guardians of law are now mere pawns, as Trump’s regime swiftly shapes federal law enforcement into an obedient tool of vengeance. Bravo!
Holocaust survivors recall horrors of Auschwitz as Prince William and Kate attend London memorial
Acidly: Ah, the bittersweet spectacle of Auschwitz's 80th anniversary. Survivors, now geriatric relics, shared their tales of woe, while world leaders played their part in this tragic theater of remembrance. Mala Tribich, who survived a ghetto at nine, now makes the rounds, shedding tears—both for her lost family and the education of clueless teens. Starmer and the royals hugged them like seasoned props. Meanwhile, antisemitism rises, making history feel achingly relevant. Let’s hope this tragic farce keeps running.
Italy's Meloni defends repatriation of a Libyan warlord wanted by the International Criminal Court
Acidly: Italy’s Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni has played a macabre game of legal hopscotch, throwing out human rights activists like yesterday’s trash by repatriating Libyan warlord Ossama al-Masri, wanted by the ICC for murder and torture. Sure, blame the court's “procedural error” while you’re at it. Nothing screams "justice" like whisking a war criminal back to his cozy Libyan prison. All in a day's work for a government more interested in migrant deterrence than, you know, decency. Bravo, Italia!
The Good Ol'Ads
Jimmy Butler suspension: Heat sideline star indefinitely without pay after he walks out of shootaround
Acidly: In a dramatic twist reminiscent of a bad soap opera, Jimmy Butler has been suspended indefinitely by the Miami Heat—his third time this month! Complaining about being benched in favor of Haywood Highsmith, Butler took a graceful exit from practice, probably to sulk in peace. The Heat are docking his pay, so I guess that's one way to force a reluctant commitment. With the trade deadline looming and an option worth $52.4 million next season, it seems Butler might be stuck playing with his feelings and the Heat until further notice.
Jennifer Lopez Reveals All Movie Musical Roles She Auditioned for and Lost Before ‘Kiss of the Spider Woman’: “It Just Wasn’t the Right Time”
Acidly: Jennifer Lopez finally snagged her chance to shine in a musical with *Kiss of the Spider Woman* at Sundance, after years of auditioning for iconic roles and getting stiffed. Dressed in a glitzy web gown, she proudly declared this was her destiny, despite being overlooked for *Evita*, *Chicago*, and *Nine*—because who wouldn’t want a J.Lo spectacle, right? Condon crafted her role like a savior to her dreams, and she even belted out lost tunes that made a 97-year-old man tear up. Drama? Sure. Talent? Debatable.
Dwarf planet Ceres may have received organic material from space objects
Acidly: Scientists just discovered that the organic junk on Ceres didn’t come from some deep-space cryovolcano but crashed in on asteroids from far-off. Thanks to AI scouring the surface, researchers found tiny patches of organic molecules—like the universe's leftovers from a cosmic cookout. Shocked that things aren’t what they first seemed! It's all a cosmic game of tag. Ceres, a planet that is neither here nor there, now just looks like a package being passed around. Can't wait for the next space drama!
The Good Ol'Ads
Nvidia shares sink as Chinese AI app DeepSeek spooks US markets
Acidly: Nvidia just got a rude awakening, losing over a sixth of its value thanks to DeepSeek, a cheap Chinese AI app that’s stealing the spotlight faster than you can say "Silicon Valley." Investors are panicking like it’s 1957 and America just spotted Sputnik. Meanwhile, DeepSeek claims to be the budget-friendly AI genius on the block, leaving the big boys—Microsoft, Google—sweating bullets. Oh, and they’re temporarily halting new registrations due to a cyberattack. Who knew cheap could be so chaotic?
Apple fixes this year’s first actively exploited zero-day bug
Acidly: Apple's back at it again, fixing another zero-day vulnerability, which apparently has been causing merry havoc for iPhone users. Bravo, Apple! This "Privilege Escalation" flaw just loves to crash parties on older iOS versions. After tons of snazzy upgrades—iOS 18.3 and others—users can finally breathe. What’s a couple dozen zero-days in a year, right? Meanwhile, your overpriced gadget still has security issues. It’s all part of the charm! Don’t forget to update, so hackers don’t party crash you. Enjoy!
Public Record Proves Dept of Ag’s Deception to Risk of Raw Pet Food and Avian Flu
Acidly: Oregon’s Department of Agriculture cranked up the panic machine on December 26, 2024, claiming a cat caught Avian Flu solely from its raw pet food. Dr. Ryan Scholz’s “confident” assertion quickly unraveled when records revealed the cat was not an indoor hermit but had outdoor escapades, including possible encounters with waterfowl. The department’s overreach in spreading misinformation has pet owners questioning their pets’ food sources and the integrity of public health agencies. Good job, Oregon!