Federal judge temporarily blocks Trump administration freeze on federal grants and loans
Acidly: In yet another episode straight out of Trump's reality show, a federal judge put a stop to his latest chaotic attempt to freeze federal funding while he rewrites the rules for fun, aiming to eradicate anything vaguely 'progressive.' As panic swept through organizations reliant on Uncle Samâs dollars, Democratic AGs lined up to challenge this disaster. Meanwhile, the White House floundered, mired in a sea of vague memos and obfuscations. Who knew governing could be this amusing? Even Meals on Wheels might starveâwhat a plot twist!
As Palestinians Return to Gaza City, Elation and Despair Mix
Acidly: In a heartwarming twist of irony, tens of thousands of Palestinians returned to the ghostly shells of their homes in northern Gaza. After a year of couch surfing and tent living, they found joy mingling with griefâkind of like finding a long-lost shoe with a hole in it. Rajab al-Sindawi marveled at the âjoyâ of returning to... rubble. With the whole city resembling a post-apocalyptic film set, he mused about reconstruction timelines like a child pondering their homework. Welcome home, indeed!
Italy's Meloni investigated over release of Libyan war crimes suspect
Acidly: Italyâs PM Giorgia Meloni is facing an investigation for the botched release of Libyan war criminal Osama Najim, under suspicion of embezzlement and aiding crimes. Because why wouldnât Italy put a war criminal on a plane after a âlegal technicalityâ? Najim, welcomed home by a cheering crowd, leaves Meloni to deflect by playing the victim, whining about political motives behind the inquiry. Of course, she vows she wonât be intimidatedâsuch bravery from a woman who plays footsie with dictators.
The Good Ol'Ads
Chiefs-Bills game soars to AFC Championship record audience
Acidly: AFC Championship fever is alive, apparently. The Bills vs. Chiefs game seduced a whopping 57.4 million viewers, shattering records. Who needs novelty when youâve got two tired teams hogging the spotlight? Meanwhile, Commanders vs. Eagles floundered with a dismal 44.2 million, proving nobody cares about an NFC showdown. Overall, the NFL is losing its charmâdown to 50.8 million total viewers. At this rate, maybe we'll just start streaming re-runs of 'Friends' instead. Who wouldnât want that?
Italy Is âReady to Welcomeâ the Mona Lisa Amid Louvre Infrastructure Concerns
Acidly: In a bold move worthy of a telenovela, Italian official Francesca Caruso has demanded that the Louvre temporarily return the Mona Lisa to Italy. Apparently, the Louvre's new claim to fame is its imminent collapse, which Caruso has conveniently turned into a romantic invitation. It's almost like asking an ex to crash at your place while they sort out their life. Meanwhile, France, with its âŹ900 million renovation bill, is just scratching its head, wondering if placating the Italians could fix the crack in its glass pyramid. Bravo!
Mouse With Two Male Parents Survives to Adulthood
Acidly: In a groundbreaking twist, mice can now have two dads thanks to some avant-garde gene editing. Sure, these bi-paternal critters have a pitiful 11.8% survival rateâmost end up as genetic mishapsâbut hey, who wouldnât want to celebrate an experiment with such remarkable failure? While scientists pat themselves on the back for overcoming natureâs blueprint, they wave goodbye to the notion of "natural" reproduction. Should we brace ourselves for a future of genetic circus mice? Sign me up!
The Good Ol'Ads
DeepSeek says it built its chatbot cheap. What does that mean for AI's energy needs and the climate?
Acidly: DeepSeek, a Chinese AI startup, has thrown a wrench in the U.S. tech giantsâ plans with its chatbot built for a laughably low $5.6 million, while fat cats spend billions on energy-guzzling data centers. Oops! Turns out efficiency might matter after all. As American firms panic over their budgets and environmental impact, DeepSeek relishes its spot at the top of the App Store. Let's hope this tech leads to cleaner solutions because right now, the only thing burning is their egos.
Update your iPhone NOW: Apple releases iOS 18.3 with urgent security fixes - here's how to download it on your
Acidly: Oh, look! Apple has released yet another update, iOS 18.3, just weeks after the last mediocre attempt, because who doesn't love their phone being a target for hackers? This one's packed with urgent security patches, helping you dodge the latest cybercriminal ploys. Sylvain Cortes of Hackuity suggests you should act fast, unless you enjoy unauthorized data access and financial ruin. Plus, now Appleâs AI features are activated by default, just in case you wanted to invite more confusion into your life. Happy updating!
How are H5N9 and H5N1 different? What to know after California bird flu outbreak
Acidly: In California's duck paradise, yet another chapter of âAvian Horror Storyâ unfolds. The USDA just announced H5N9, a bird flu strain, crashed the duck farm partyâbecause why not? This isnât new; H5N9 has been flapping around like an unwelcome turkey since the '60s, but this time itâs sharing cozy spaces with the infamous H5N1. Cue the mass culling: nearly 119,000 ducks went from quacking to dispatched. Donât worry; experts say itâs probably fineâunless it isn't. Who knew ducks could be such drama queens?