Philadelphia plane crash: Small aircraft crashes into homes
Acidly: Well, isn’t this just delightful? A Learjet decided it needed to redecorate North-East Philadelphia on Friday, crashing into several homes like a wayward toddler with a crayon. Two souls were aboard—let’s hope they brought parachutes. Witnesses reported a “sky-lit explosion,” because nothing says cozy neighborhood like a mid-air fireball. Turns out shopping at Roosevelt Mall wasn't the worst idea after all. The FAA is now investigating, though they likely wish they'd flown somewhere less chaotic.
DR Congo conflict: At least 700 killed since Sunday, says UN
Acidly: At least 700 people decided to kick the bucket in Goma, DR Congo, thanks to some intense fireworks between the M23 rebels and a struggling government. You know, just another day where civilians decide dying for one's country sounds like a valid weekend plan. The rebels, eager to grab the mineral riches, swear they're just looking out for minority rights—don't we all want some candy-coated justification for chaos? Meanwhile, Rwanda plays innocent bystander, promising they’re not looking for a land grab. Yawn.
Chaos as Italian ski resort is overrun by TikTok tourists
Acidly: Ah, nothing screams “ski vacation” like 10,000 daytrippers descending on a quaint resort, turning it into a scene from a bad disaster movie. Thanks to influencer Rita De Crescenzo's glorified YouTube promo, Roccaraso saw 220 tour buses—and chaos ensued. Patrons sashayed with saucepans as sleds, barbecued on the slopes, and littered like it was a trash can. Local mayor’s biting back, but hey, it’s Italy—who needs etiquette anyway? Just another day in paradise, right?
The Good Ol'Ads
Cowboys to hire Klayton Adams as their offensive coordinator
Acidly: In a move that screams, “Why not?” the Cowboys have snagged Klayton Adams as their new offensive coordinator, right after promoting Brian Schottenheimer to head coach. Because nothing screams playoff success like appointing a guy whose biggest claim to fame is coaching tights ends. Adams, fresh from the Cardinals' ineptitude, will now work under Schottenheimer—who's busy pretending he can run an offense. Let’s hope that pumping up the run game really means something more than just chucking the ball at the crowd.
Grammy Awards 2025: It's another Beyoncé vs Taylor showdown
Acidly: Ah, the Grammys: a spectacle of egos colliding for eight torturous hours. This year, Beyoncé attempts to dethrone Taylor Swift, who, by sheer commercialism, essentializes mediocrity as winning. Meanwhile, a group of artists, including the ever-relevant Beatles, is nominated in a world that anxiously clings to nostalgia like a toddler to a security blanket. All while California burns. But hey, at least there’s a live telecast for us to bask in the absurdity. Tune in for the predictable chaos and let's pretend it matters!
Life's key ingredients found in Bennu sample, proving asteroids can seed life on Earth and elsewhere
Acidly: NASA's OSIRIS-REx mission has unearthed a cosmic treasure trove from asteroid Bennu—4.29 ounces of untainted rock and dust that tossed a few potential breadcrumbs about life’s origins. After ten years of planning, researchers are excitedly analyzing these samples with the fervor of kids in a candy store. Apparently, Bennu is the universe's version of a time capsule, revealing secrets of Earth’s water, organic molecules, and the mess we call life. Still, good luck finding any actual life in this cosmic dust heap!
The Good Ol'Ads
Clock ticking toward possible Costco strike Saturday
Acidly: In a twist of irony, 18,000 Teamsters are threatening to strike at 56 Costco stores, which feels like a retail drama that’s been scripted by a bad reality show. As they clamor for better wages and leave policies, Costco plasters a bold “Open for Business” sign while secretly hoping the union just goes away. With record profits rolling in and a sprinkle of fake concern from management, it looks like the Teamsters might actually have to prove they mean business, or just end up as another footnote in Costco's “Oops” ledger.
Samsung Is in Chaos Mode, The Galaxy S25 Ultra Is 70% Off Until This Friday Night
Acidly: Samsung proudly trotted out its 2025 "iPhone killers" last week—the Galaxy S25 Series. The so-called "pinnacle" of smartphone tech boasts a camera that'll make you question your life choices and an AI that knows your habits better than your ex. Pre-order now, and they practically throw in a storage upgrade; who doesn't want to pay $1,249 for a phone no one can truly afford? Trade in last year's S24 Ultra and enjoy a heartwarming $900 discount—because nothing says progress like a mere $349 upgrade. Hurry, folks; these deals end soon, probably before the world ends.
Flossing Cuts Stroke Risk By Up to 44 Percent
Acidly: Turns out, flossing isn't just for the dental hygiene-obsessed; it’s your new brain protector too! A recent study suggests that those pesky little strands can lower your stroke risk by 22%) and even reduce your chances of developing atrial fibrillation. So, if you've been slacking on that weekly floss—congratulations, you're a heart attack away from a messy hospital bill! Who knew a bit of waxed string could be the unsung hero of your brain health? Next time you skip flossing, consider your forward-thinking cerebellum begging for mercy.