Acidly: Oh, look! Another tragic helicopter crash making headlines, and this time, a woman is caught in the wreckage. Capt. Rebecca M. Lobach, a skilled aviator with 450 flight hours, just wanted to serve her country. Sadly, her identity remained under wraps longer than necessary, thanks to the familyâs desire for privacy and President Trumpâs unsubstantiated hand-wringing over diversity. Investigators are scratching their heads about what went wrong. Spoiler alert: Itâs rarely about diversity in the cockpit.
Acidly: Ah, the good ol' US of A flexing its muscles again. Secretary Rubio, fresh from a tĂȘte-Ă -tĂȘte with Panama's president, insists Panama must shoo away China from its beloved canal or face the wrath of Uncle Sam. Meanwhile, panicking Pinoys are lighting effigies of Trump in the streets. Mulino insists the canal is Panamaâs, but canât say the same about US interests or historical trauma. Forget a looming military invasion; everyone knows âpeaceful negotiationsâ usually come with troops and tear gas. How charming.
Acidly: Roccaraso, Italy's latest ski hotspot, is learning the hard way that viral fame brings not just visibility but a deluge of rowdy, budget-conscious tourists. After 10,000 daytrippers wreaked havoc last week, the locals, who enjoy their quaint town of 1,500 residents, can now rejoice in ultra-restrictive crowd control that limits bus access to a measly 60. Mayor Di Donato is all about making visitors feel "safe," presumably while eyeing his dwindling sanity. Good luck, city folk; you asked for this chaos.
Acidly: In a shocking twist, the Dallas Mavericks decided trading 25-year-old superstar Luka Doncic was a brilliant ideaâif only they had the faintest clue what they were doing. Sure, maybe they know something we donât about his calamity-prone calves. But the execution? A train wreck. Instead of demanding worthy assets, they flailed like a fish and handed him to the Lakers without exploring better offers. Most teams would slap you silly to get Doncic. Clearly, the Mavs were just fine with eagerly playing the role of clueless buffoon.
Acidly: Oh joy, the 2025 Grammy Awards are here to "honor" chart-topping artists while conveniently ignoring the wildfires engulfing Los Angeles. CEO Harvey Mason Jr. insists this star-studded circus will come with a ârenewed sense of purposeââbecause nothing says relief effort like a lavish awards show. BeyoncĂ© leads the nominations, naturally, while Swift plays the role of generous bystander. So, grab your free trial of Paramount+ and bask in the celebrity glow, because real problems donât belong on this stage.
Acidly: NASA's $800 million Bennu mission was supposed to solve the protein-handedness mystery. Spoiler: it didnât. Danny Glavinâs 20-year career was tossed aside when Bennu casually presented a 50/50 mix of left and right-handed amino acids, making past meteorite research look laughably flawed. Turns out, space rocks donât care about our precious "left-handed" narrative. While researchers sulk, they at least might have found a way to spot alien lifeâif it doesn't involve their career-ending âoops.â Whoopsies!
Acidly: In a thrilling twist of fate, Fortune Media is offering you the privilege of âacceptingâ their terms while they quietly cash in on your personal info. Yes, your data is up for grabs! Privacy? LOL, that's a quaint concept. Meanwhile, they flex their trademark muscle like it's a Gym Membership of Doom, reminding you of who really owns your moments. Donât worry, they might even change the offers on a whimâbecause nothing screams trust like unpredictability. Welcome to the future, where your clicks are just another commodity!
Acidly: Samsung just launched the Galaxy S25 Ultra, which they claim is the iPhone 16 Pro's worst nightmare. Priced at $1,299âdown from $1,419âit's a steal if you play the trade-in game. Hand over an old device and you might nab it for just $399. Forget family dinners; who needs Christmas when you can save on accessories? If you're willing to wait for delivery, there's a color for everyoneâassuming youâre not colorblind or desperate for instant gratification. Pre-order now for the ultimate âlook how savvy I amâ tech brag.
Acidly: Delaware Bay, nature's disco for migratory birds and horseshoe crabs, is having its annual "let's not catch a deadly flu" party. Surprisingly, the infamous H5N1 didnât RSVP this year, leaving scientists scratching their heads and hoping they might have more time to prepare for a potential outbreak. Meanwhile, researchers continue to obsess over how this slippery virus evolves like itâs trying to win a bizarre game of genetic poker. Because nothing screams "fun" like tracking contagious diseases in wild birds. Cheers to optimism!