Trump says he’ll announce yet another new tariff Monday
Acidly: Ah, the great tariff circus continues! Just a reminder that President Trump announced a bold 25% tariff on all steel and aluminum imports—because nothing screams “America First” like higher prices for consumers. He plans to slap more tariffs on countries that already charge us, proving once again that trade wars are just his way of playing Monopoly. Sure, domestic production may have a “competitive lift,” but let’s not kid ourselves; it's like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. Cheers to a brighter, pricier future!
Trump repeats pledge to take control of Gaza even as pressure mounts to renew ceasefire
Acidly: In Gaza, hostages are returning looking like they've drafted for a Holocaust reenactment. Netanyahu's ceasefire? It's about as solid as the walls of a Gaza shack. While families scream for help, Trump flits about, promising to buy Gaza like it’s a new car. Let's just ignore the moral apocalypse for brand deals and photo ops! Meanwhile, Israeli forces pull back; Hamas boasts victories as the death toll rises. But who cares? There's always a Super Bowl to watch and politicians to pander to. Welcome to modern diplomacy!
European Court Ruling Gives Hope in Italy Region Known for Toxic Waste
Acidly: In a tragicomic twist, Acerra's garbage pileup is not just an eyesore but a grim reminder that Italian authorities excel at talking—action? Not so much. Antonietta Moccia, a 61-year-old housewife, battled cancer clusters while authorities made dutifully slow progress, like a tortoise with a hangover. The European Court of Human Rights finally demanded action—two years to clean up this "land of fires," where toxic waste thrives. But will the politicians jolt awake, or do they prefer snoozing amidst the stench?
The Good Ol'Ads
Here's why Eagles will take down Chiefs in 2025 Super Bowl, secure fifth NFL championship in franchise history
Acidly: Ah, the Philadelphia Eagles’ grand strategy for Super Bowl LIX: avoid turnovers, unleash superstar Saquon Barkley, and, for the love of God, don’t let the Chiefs score at will again. After choking against Kansas City last time—thanks to a second-half meltdown—they think they can tone down the "Super Bowl" vibes with a catchy TLC motto. I mean, who needs grit and strategy when you have a 90s pop throwback? Good luck, Eagles! Remember, it’s not about winning; it’s about catchy phrases.
Taylor Swift cheers on Travis Kelce, the Chiefs at Super Bowl 59: See the photos
Acidly: In a groundbreaking exhibition titled "Photos of Utter Mediocrity," a collection of nine stunningly mundane snapshots attempts to redefine modern art. Viewers gazed in sheer disbelief, wondering if this was a joke or a cry for help. Among the masterpieces were blurry images of random pigeons and a tragic shot of a half-eaten sandwich. Critics are left scratching their heads: Is this profound commentary or just a talented photographer's midlife crisis? Either way, it’s safe to say that brilliance can go on holiday.
Vandenberg SFB’s Next Mission: SpaceX Launch on Sunday
Acidly: Get ready, folks! Watch SpaceX’s Falcon 9 rocket blast off at 6:36 p.m. Sunday, only to deliver a whopping 23 Starlink satellites, because clearly, the world needed **more** internet in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. If it’s cloudy, tough luck! You’ll have to rely on your outdated connection. Bonus: don’t miss the potential sonic boom, a delightful reminder of man’s hubris echoing through California. And if you want to see this spectacle in person, find a hill and pray for clear skies. Enjoy!
The Good Ol'Ads
36 Hours After Russell Vought Took Over Consumer Bureau, He Shut Its Operations
Acidly: In a heartwarming tale of bureaucracy, Linda Wetzel got her Christmas wish—$5,600 back from a bank, courtesy of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. But just when it looked like the agency was the hero, Trump’s appointee, Russell Vought, swung by to rain on the parade. Within 36 hours, he tossed the bureau into chaos, going full destroyer mode. While Wall Street cheers, the CFPB now faces a slow death. Great. What a lovely way to celebrate “helping working families.” Don’t you love democracy?
Samsung Is Emailing Galaxy S25 Buyers A New Offer
Acidly: In yet another "groundbreaking" ploy to squeeze cash from eager consumers, Samsung has launched the Galaxy S25 with shiny new discounts. Now you can get a 5% off code while trading in your old, decrepit devices for an inflated price. Oh joy! Pre-orders? Overrated. Just shell out big bucks instead for an Ultra that somehow has "extra" storage. And if you’re lucky, you might snag $80 off from Amazon, if you remember a dizzying array of codes. Truly, they care about your wallet—said no one ever.
Flu surges to 15-year-high in US — as NYC sees largest number of cases in 5 years
Acidly: Flu season's back, baby! Isn’t it just delightful when 50,000 people get hospitalized and 13,000 meet their maker? With nearly 24 million cases, you’d think people would learn to wash their hands. Schools are closing because kids and staff can't seem to figure out how to not spread germs. Meanwhile, the CDC, likely overjoyed with all the fresh misery, just suggests getting vaccinated—because who doesn’t love a jab when death is knocking? And hey, if RSV and COVID take a backseat, let’s throw a flu party!