At least 1 dead after jets collide at Scottsdale Airport; landing gear failure to blame
Acidly: In a stunning display of aerial incompetence, two jets collided on the runway at Scottsdale Airport, leaving at least one person dead and proving that landing is harder than it looks. The Learjet, apparently auditioning for a disaster flick, veered off the runway due to a reported gear failure—an unfortunate oversight one might expect from a drunken pilot. Meanwhile, emergency services flocked to the scene, while the FAA hit the brakes on flights. Just another day in the skies, folks.
Middle East: Hamas postpones hostage releases
Acidly: In the latest Middle Eastern soap opera, Hamas has decided to play hardball by indefinitely halting upcoming hostage releases—because why honor agreements when you can drag things out? Israel's military is on high alert, prepared for whatever chaos Hamas dreams up next. Meanwhile, Trump lurches in with threats to freeze aid to Jordan and Egypt unless they graciously accept the tidal wave of displaced Palestinians. Who knew peace negotiations came with a side of extortion and a dash of theatricality?
King and Queen to host Stanley Tucci ahead of Italy state visit
Acidly: Oh, look! King Charles and Queen Camilla are hosting Stanley Tucci for an "Italian-inspired" dinner. Because nothing screams royal dignity like mixing pasta and cancer talk, right? The couple is gearing up for their big Italy trip—20 years of matrimony to celebrate! Cue the obligatory Vatican meet-up and endless "Pilgrims of Hope" speeches. Let’s just hope the King’s sense of taste isn’t reliant on Tucci’s failed throat cancer experiment. Cheers to more royal blunders and bland diplomacy!
The Good Ol'Ads
Super Bowl 2025: Here's what Jalen Hurts, Patrick Mahomes said about each other after Eagles' rout of Chiefs
Acidly: In a stunning turn of events, Jalen Hurts finally managed to beat Patrick Mahomes—twice, no less! After sulking over his previous Super Bowl defeat for two years, Hurts strutted into Super Bowl LVIII and obliterated the Chiefs. With 293 yards and three touchdowns, he made Mahomes look like a rookie. Meanwhile, Mahomes graciously acknowledged Hurts’ "winner" status...you know, because humble pie is all the rage. Philadelphia can now gloat, while Mahomes spends another off-season wondering how his competition keeps leveling up. Cheers!
The Easter Eggs You Might Have Missed from Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl Performance
Acidly: Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show was like a spicy taco—packed with drama, surprise, and potential indigestion. He took the stage in New Orleans and threw shade at Drake, who’s busy suing over the diss track “Not Like Us.” During the performance, Serena Williams made an eyebrow-raising appearance, crip walking while Lamar dropped legal bombs. Samuel L. Jackson played Uncle Sam, all while the dancers formed the American flag to symbolize our divided nation. It was loud, it was reckless, and boy, it was definitely too ghetto for the uninitiated. Welcome to America, folks!
Scientists Detect Shape-Shifting Along Earth’s Solid Inner Core
Acidly: Researchers just discovered Earth's inner core is a bit of a diva—now it wants to change shape. Solid? More like squishy. The core is like your average millennial: spinning out of sync and constantly shifting. John Vidale suggests the outer core's gravitational tantrums might be responsible. Seismologists are scrambling for answers based on earthquake vibes from the South Sandwich Islands—because, sure, why not? Dr. Wen thinks the whole spinning theory might be more fiction than fact. Welcome to the core drama.
The Good Ol'Ads
Musk charges on with new targets in sight and Trump’s blessing
Acidly: Elon Musk, the un-elected czar of chaos, and Donald Trump, the king of executive overreach, are ripping through government agencies like a couple of bored toddlers with scissors. Their latest target? The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Workers were told to self-isolate while Musk’s Twitter fingers fueled a campaign of chaos. Meanwhile, Trump’s still basking in his poll numbers, oblivious to the tragic comedy unfolding. Looks like this pair's dysfunctional bromance might just cost America its sanity. Welcome to the circus!
iPhone SE 2025 Launch Schedule Latest: Exactly When To Expect The New iPhone
Acidly: Here's a shocker: Apple is rolling out yet another iPhone. This time, it's the iPhone SE 4th Gen, a blueprint-shattered knockoff of the iPhone 14, but with just one camera—because who needs quality photos, right? Set to 'announce' itself any minute now, pre-sales might coincide with Valentine’s Day. So, nothing says “love” like a $429 phone in a world of crippling inflation! Revel in your excitement as you wait for an all-screen device with Face ID, because, apparently, Touch ID is so last season. Enjoy!
Weekly US Influenza Surveillance Report: Key Updates for Week 5, ending February 1, 2025 | FluView
Acidly: Ah, the flu season—where viruses triumph and hospital beds fill up like it's Black Friday. So far, a whirlwind of 24 million illnesses and a delightful 13,000 deaths this season! The CDC reported 10 more pediatric casualties this week alone, ramping up the total to 57—congrats, flu! Influenza A is hogging the spotlight like it owns the place (96.1% of cases), while the rest gather dust. And remember, folks, no new human infections of the potentially deadly A(H5) virus because who needs that drama? Just get your vaccine and embrace the chaos!