What We Know About the Kentucky Floods
Acidly: Kentucky’s weather decided to up the ante again, showering folks in the Bluegrass with seven inches of rain—because why not add floods to their celebration of catastrophe? Eleven dead, power outages galore, and roads transformed into swimming pools. They’ve got National Guard and rescuers playing fetch with drowning residents. But hey, at least this time they had a heads-up—don’t you love irony? Meanwhile, Governor Beshear sweetly reminds everyone that climate change just loves a good party. Buckle up, more chaos is on the way!
Pope’s health stable as he continues treatment in hospital
Acidly: Pope Francis is having a blast in the Agostino Gemelli Hospital, where he's enjoying all the perks of being sick: a cozy bed, spiritual nourishment via TV Mass, and endless hours of reading. His condition? “Stable,” they say, as if that’s a headline worthy of a press release. With bronchitis giving him a stunning excuse to avoid meeting artists, he’s probably reveling in the cancellation. Who knew illness had its benefits? Meanwhile, his well-rested fans await updates while he kicks back in Rome’s finest hospital.
Moscow Furious Over Italy’s ‘Third Reich’ Comparison
Acidly: Italy’s President Mattarella dared to compare Russia’s invasion of Ukraine to Nazi aggression, inciting a fit of rage in Moscow. Zakharova, Russia's Foreign Ministry mouthpiece, whipped out the historical drama, recalling Italy’s fascist roots and claiming their NATO support for Ukraine makes them complicit in "pumping the terrorist Kyiv neo-Nazi regime." Meanwhile, Italian politicians are rushing to defend their president. Don’t you just love how history repeats itself in such a melodramatic way?
The Good Ol'Ads
The winners and losers from the Daytona 500
Acidly: Oh joy, another Daytona 500. Rain delays, airborne crashes, and lead changes galore—just your average Sunday with cars going in circles. William Byron won again, breaking records while leading a grand total of 14 laps. Trackhouse, meanwhile, decided they wanted to be the world’s most expensive wrecking crew, with three cars totalled and one miserable 13th-place finish to show for it. Poor Kyle Busch continues his 20-year heartbreak. But hey, at least Dale Jr. is living his dream while the rest pick up the scraps!
BAFTA Awards Winners: ‘Conclave,’ ‘Anora’ and ‘The Brutalist’ Take Home Top Prizes
Acidly: So, "Conclave" snagged the best movie title at the BAFTAs, because we clearly needed yet another movie about papal drama amidst an awards season that's more chaotic than a toddler's birthday party. Four shiny trophies, including best film, but don't get too cocky—this film was the underdog nobody raved about until now. It left behind the riveting stories of exotic dancers and post-Holocaust architects. Bravo, BAFTA. You’ve once again proven that shockingly mediocre can win big. Oscars, brace yourselves.
Paleontologists uncover a nearly complete skull of a 30 million-year-old apex carnivore in Egypt
Acidly: Ah, the ancient hyaenodonts—those adorable little monsters that terrorized prehistoric forests. Apparently, they had it all: sharp teeth, doggy bodies, and a flair for extinction. A bunch of paleontologists is now drooling over a nearly complete skull of some new species they’ve dubbed Bastetodon syrtos, because, you know, cats. It’s like they’ve unlocked the secrets of the universe by identifying another meat-loving beast that bit the dust millions of years ago. Let the nail-biting learning adventure commence!
The Good Ol'Ads
Delta plane crashes, overturns in Toronto; all survive, officials say
Acidly: In a thrilling episode of "Flight Adventures," Delta Flight 4819 decided to make an unplanned snow angel at Toronto Pearson, flipping upside-down like a toddler’s toy. Seventeen passengers felt the joy of a hospital visit, though luckily, only a child and two adults turned critical—because why not? Airport officials were busy patting themselves on the back for their “heroic” response while investigating the mystery of how a plane lost its footing in windy conditions. Spoiler alert: Mother Nature always wins.
New iPhone SE And 3 Other Drops To Expect At Apple’s Launch Event
Acidly: Ah, it’s that time again—Apple’s love language is dropping a new, overpriced gadget. Mark your calendars for February 19, when Tim Cook will proudly unveil the fourth-gen iPhone SE. Because who doesn't love a phone that's just slightly less outdated? Expect a larger screen, FaceID, and a price hike—because clearly, the economy isn't absurd enough. Rumors also hint at a MacBook Air refresh and an iPad update. Brace yourselves for “exciting” new colors for the iPhone 16. Innovation? More like repackaging. Don't hold your breath.
Measles cases are rising in US as Texas outbreak grows. Should we be concerned?
Acidly: Measles is back, baby! Texas is the proud host of the largest outbreak in 30 years, ballooning from 24 to 48 cases in mere days, all among the unvaccinated. Meanwhile, New Mexico’s just a stone's throw away with its own three cases, because why not? Health experts are ringing alarm bells over vaccine hesitancy, which thankfully just means that everyone is more likely to get a preventable disease. Who needs vaccines when you can gamble with your health, right? Enjoy the fun, Texas!