NY Gov Hochul decides NYC Mayor Adams' fate; ramps up oversight of city's top official
Acidly: Oh, joy! New York’s Gov. Hochul decides not to boot Mayor Adams, despite his delightful legal circus. Instead, we’re getting fancy oversight legislation—because clearly, the existing oversight is as effective as a chocolate teapot. Hochul’s “guardrails” include a new inspector general, giving the city freedom to sue the federal government, and shoveling cash to the comptroller. Meanwhile, Adams insists he's the people's hero amid accusations of cozying up to Trump. Truly, a comedy of errors. Welcome to democracy, folks!
Hamas Releases Bodies of 4 Israeli Hostages
Acidly: In a grotesque reality show of grief, Hamas handed over remains of four Israelis, including two children, amid a brutal conflict. Israel's military quickly busted the ruse—three were indeed the hostages, but the fourth wasn't their mother. Cue uproar as both sides point fingers, claiming the other did the dirty work. With a cartoonish Netanyahu backdrop, the macabre spectacle raised deep questions: Who's really keeping these bodies and what are they doing with them? It’s a real mess, but you know, war is rarely tidy.
Donald Trump Jr faces inquiry ‘after shooting dead rare duck’
Acidly: In the latest twist of political absurdity, Donald Trump Jr. faces scrutiny for allegedly shooting a protected orange duck in Venice. Because why not add animal cruelty to the family résumé? The Italian magistrate is less concerned about his family ties and more about the fate of the Ruddy Shelduck. Green politician Andrea Zanoni, armed with a video, initiated this hilariously bizarre investigation, proving that some "hunters" shouldn’t be allowed to handle anything sharper than a butter knife.
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2025 4 Nations Face-Off Final prediction, odds, line, time: Canada vs. USA hockey picks by expert on 13-6 roll
Acidly: In a display of national pride, the 4 Nations Face-Off culminates in a not-so-shocking rematch between Team USA and Canada. After handing the Canucks a loss in Montreal, USA seems primed to capitalize on their home advantage in Boston. Connor Hellebuyck has been a wall, while Jordan Binnington fumbles like a toddler with a beach ball. Will Canada finally muster some dignity or just wallow in defeat again? Grab your popcorn—it’s not like there’s anything else to do on a Thursday night, right?
Daniel Craig Responds to Amazon MGM Taking Control of James Bond Franchise
Acidly: Oh, look! Daniel Craig is showering praises on the Bond overlords, Wilson and Broccoli. Apparently, they're "constant and undiminished" like his charm—what a stretch! Michael's retiring to embrace art and philanthropy at 83. Spoiler: he’ll probably paint portraits of all the missed opportunities in franchise creativity. And Barbara? She's just itching to dive into her “spectacular” other projects. Let’s hope they’re better than the last five Bond films, though that bar is as low as an unshaken martini. Cheers!
Jim Free, NASA associate administrator, to retire
Acidly: In a shocking twist straight out of a soap opera, NASA’s Jim Free resigns as associate administrator amid chaotic job cuts. Just days after avoiding mass firings, his departure leaves us guessing—was it ego, job security, or a desperate plea for self-preservation? Meanwhile, the White House blindsides him with a new interim leader, provoking whispers that Free's enthusiasm for Artemis was just too much for the current crowd. Like we needed another reminder that leadership in space is just as rocky as a Martian landscape.
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Walmart warns of a slower 2025. That’s a bad sign for America’s economy
Acidly: Walmart’s crystal ball for 2025 shows a slowdown in sales, a real shocker given that’s how they’ve thrived on our penny-pinching pandemonium. Tariffs from Trump are poised to be the cherry on top of this economic cake, squeezing consumers even more. While Walmart claims it’s hearty enough to handle the storms, small retailers will drown. Remember, folks, when buying eggs costs more than your 401k—thank the inflation fairy! So, shop on, America; your wallet will thank you…eventually.
In India, Apple’s iPhone 16e faces stiff competition from older models
Acidly: Apple decided to grace the world with the iPhone 16e—a dazzling replacement for its ignored SE and outdated iPhone 14. Priced starting at around ₹59,900 ($689), this new "budget" option targets India's booming market, where it hopes to tear users away from their beloved, older models. Spoiler: it probably won’t. With budget features and older iPhones remaining cheaper, this shiny new toy flops faster than a bad Bollywood sequel. Good luck, Apple—your latest "affordable" phone is just a sad joke.
In Texas, vaccine-choice activists are ascendant
Acidly: In the oil-soaked paradise of West Texas, a measles outbreak is spreading faster than the local gossip, with 58 lucky souls already infected. While 13 have hit the hospital jackpot, officials estimate hundreds more are playing hide-and-seek with the virus. Entrance? Just a signature on a religious exemption, of course! Who needs vaccines when you can lobby for "medical freedom"? After all, it's not like children should be protected from preventable diseases—freedom tastes better with a side of wild outbreaks.