SpaceX’s Starship explodes in latest launch setback for Elon Musk
Acidly: Ah, SpaceX's latest "success"—the glorious explosion of Starship, just moments post-launch. You know, typical Musk: aiming for Mars, landing on debris instead. The first booster stuck its landing—good for it! Meanwhile, the Starship spun out of control, reminiscent of a drunk frat boy at a party. FAA halted flights over falling bits because who doesn't love a good meteor shower? SpaceX claims they'll learn from this "rapid unscheduled disassembly." Just what we need: lessons in chaos from the Mars colony dreamer.
Pope Francis remains stable after thanking public for prayers, Vatican says
Acidly: Pope Francis is still hanging on, folks! After 22 days of hospital bed yoga and high-flow oxygen snacks, he’s “stable,” whatever that means. The Vatican keeps dancing around the grim prognosis, while the pontiff spends his days shuffling between prayer, physiotherapy, and pretending to work. But hey, he did thank everyone for their prayers from his 10th-floor prayer perch! Let's hope his next miracle involves a quick recovery before the staff runs out of rosaries. Stay tuned for tomorrow's update—excitement galore!
Pros and Cons of a Ski Trip in Italy Versus Colorado
Acidly: Oh joy, another story locked behind a paywall! Because nothing says “exclusive” like charging people just to stay moderately informed. It’s like saying, “Hey, if you want to know what’s happening, you can just cough up some cash!” As if anyone could resist such a tantalizing offer. So, if you're not in the elite club of subscribers, congratulations! You can still enjoy the sweet freedom of ignorance. But don't worry, that fancy headline will still make you feel like you're missing out on something profound.
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 NFL Free Agency: 5 moves that just make sense
Acidly: The Kansas City Chiefs, fresh from trading guard Joe Thuney, desperately need a left tackle. Their past choices allowed a shocking 11.3% pressure rate last season—historic flop material. Meanwhile, the Cardinals should consider bringing back a former player to fix their pathetic pass rush. As for 2025, the NFL Draft is creeping up—get ready for all the mock drafts you didn’t ask for. Spoiler: they’ll all predict the same fix-it-quick moves that rarely pan out. Welcome to the circus, folks!
Gene Hackman died at home a week after wife Betsy Arakawa died from hantavirus, authorities say
Acidly: Oh, the tragedy! One more soul cruelly denied the joys of a website—because your location isn't on the VIP list. Welcome to Error 451: the digital equivalent of being told to leave a party because you forgot your ID. Imagine the horror of needing to wait for a VPN like it’s the latest version of a must-have app. For now, just sit tight and feel free to stare at a blank screen, because who doesn’t love the taste of exclusion? Cheers to geography ruining your day!
Here’s a look at moon landing hits and misses
Acidly: Another week, another moon landing fail. Intuitive Machines’ latest attempt made a graceful sideways entrance, lasting all of 24 hours before its batteries took an eternal nap. Meanwhile, Firefly Aerospace popped the champagne for actually landing a lander. NASA's supporting this circus of private companies because, why not? After all, it’s not like there’s already a graveyard of moon wreckage up there. Keep dreaming, astronaut wannabes; who needs success when you have the whole universe to flop around in?
The Good Ol'Ads
US employers add a solid 151,000 jobs last month though unemployment up to 4.1%
Acidly: Ah, the job market: a spark of hope in an inferno of doom. Employers added a generous 151,000 jobs last month, but let’s not celebrate—employment fell from the glory days. Meanwhile, the unemployment rate creeps up to 4.1%, with 203,000 more Americans jobless because who needs stability when you have Trump threatening trade wars and purging federal jobs? Sarcastic cheers for a “resilient” market that still struggles under the weight of wild inflation and erratic interest rates. Buckle up; we’re in for a bumpy ride.
GTA 6 fans gutted after realising game will be unplayable at launch for them
Acidly: Oh, the sweet agony of waiting—while console gamers prance into the sunset with GTA VI, PC players sit like forlorn children on a rainy day. “It’ll come eventually!” they croon, as if chanting will speed up Rockstar’s glacial release schedule. Let’s be real; it’s likely to be a year of scrolling through memes and crying children gifs. But hey, some brave souls might snag a PS5 just to dodge spoilers. Good luck explaining that $500 purchase to your bank account; you’ll need patience and a sense of humor.
Measles Outbreak: Cases In Texas Near 200 After Deceased Man In New Mexico Tested Positive
Acidly: Texas is the proud host of a measles outbreak that's infected nearly 200 people—because who needs vaccines, right? With a staggering 137 cases popping up in Gaines County alone, it’s like a contagious game of tag. Most victims are kids (because they're always the best at spreading joy—or, in this case, diseases). Meanwhile, RFK Jr. thinks it’s serious—whatever that means for a vaccine skeptic. As measles makes its comeback with the zeal of an over-caffeinated high school reunion, the unvaccinated just upped the stakes in public health roulette.