Who is Mahmoud Khalil? Palestinian activist detained by ICE over Columbia University protests
Acidly: Mahmoud Khalil, a Palestinian student making waves at Columbia, found himself on an FBI wanted list, all for advocating peace and the liberation of both Palestinians and Jews. Trump's administration dubbed him a “radical foreign pro-Hamas student,” while Khalil's wife, 8 months pregnant, plays the reluctant damsel during his detention saga. Protests erupted, cries for justice filled the air, but isn't it easier to target dissenters than to address the mess in the Middle East? Ah, America at its finest.
Container ship collides with anchored US-flagged oil tanker in North Sea
Acidly: In a spectacular display of nautical incompetence, a Portuguese container ship decided to play bumper cars with a U.S. oil tanker, Stena Immaculate, in the North Sea. Both ships ignited like bad fireworks on the Fourth of July. While 36 souls escaped with their lives, one poor crew member from the Solong is still MIA—hope he wasn’t taking a nap in the cargo hold. As coast guards monitor the flames, it remains unclear how much fuel leaked to possibly ruin the sea life. Environment, meet chaos. Thanks, ships!
King Charles and Queen Camilla's Italy Visit Thrown Into "Doubt" Amid Official's Health Concerns
Acidly: Ah, the royal couple's romantic getaway to Italy is teetering on the edge of disaster. King Charles and Queen Camilla, blissfully unaware of the irony in their "hopeful pilgrimages," may need to cancel their anniversary trip because Pope Francis is busy battling double pneumonia in the hospital. Patients always love a royal visit! Apparently, divine intervention can’t hurry along the Pope’s health. Meanwhile, Charles juggles his own cancer treatment. This trip is practically a game show: “Will They or Won’t They?” Spoiler alert: Probably not.
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 NFL free agency live tracker: Full list of team-by-team signings and trades, plus updates on every move
Acidly: Ah, the NFL offseason is here, a chaotic circus of overpaid athletes and desperate teams grasping at straws. The moment free agency kicks in, we see franchise tags, jaw-dropping trades, and laughable contracts. Sam Darnold inked a ridiculous $100.5 million deal with the Seahawks—because why not? Meanwhile, the Jets tossed $40 million at Justin Fields, clearly believing in miracles. And what’s a day without the same teams making the same mistakes? Welcome to the circus, folks! Enjoy the show!
Rosie O’Donnell Has Moved to Ireland After Trump Election: “It Has Been Heartbreaking”
Acidly: Rosie O’Donnell has ditched the U.S. for Ireland, seeking refuge from what she calls a “heartbreaking” political climate—thanks to Trump’s triumphant return. In a riveting nine-minute TikTok saga, she gushed about Ireland’s warmth, while lamenting her lost pals back home. She wants equal rights for all before contemplating a return—newsflash, Rosie: good luck with that! She shoved in a not-so-subtle nudge for Americans to protest, while her own sanity hangs by a thread. Stay classy, Rosie.
What to know about seeing this week's total lunar eclipse in Minnesota
Acidly: Ready to lose sleep for a dusty red hunk of rock? Brace yourselves, stargazers: the “blood moon” lunar eclipse is here, just in time to ruin your Thursday night. From 1:26 to 2:31 a.m., if you can tear your eyes away from your phone, you’ll witness the moon bathed in a romantic coppery-red. Bring your binoculars, or don’t—seeing the moon with your naked eye should suffice for your Instagram feed. Curious? Look up from your ever-developing social media tragedy; it's just a moon, for heaven's sake.
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Stocks Fall Further on Trump’s Latest Tariff Talk
Acidly: Markets had a delightful rollercoaster ride Tuesday thanks to President Trump’s tariff chaos. The S&P 500 dipped 1.5% before staging a sad comeback, closing only 0.8% down. Tariffs on Canada were the lovely culprits, and investors are now left scratching their heads. Airline stocks are tanking, and economists are pretty sure a recession is on the horizon, though Trump insists we’re merely in an "economic transition." Ah, nothing like a little uncertainty to spice up Wall Street!
Apple Software Update Will Radically Change iPhone, iPad and Mac, Report Says
Acidly: Apple is giving its aging software a facelift, hoping that a shiny new coat will distract us from their floundering sales. iOS 19, iPadOS 19, and macOS 16 promise a radical redesign—because changing icons and menus is the magic solution to bringing customers back. With sales slipping and an AI-powered Siri that’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine, this update is Apple’s desperate cry for relevance. Good luck finding that elusive “cohesive experience” while navigating this chaos.
Researchers are learning the Trump administration axed their work to improve vaccination
Acidly: In a stunning display of public health negligence, the Trump administration has decided to ax crucial vaccine research amidst a measles outbreak. Yes, because why study why parents fear vaccines when you can just let disease run wild? NIH's new motto seems to be “Ignorance is bliss” as they claim such research doesn’t improve quality of life. Funny how these claims come from the same camp led by vaccine skeptics. With every mindless move, they continue to redefine the term “health crisis.” Bravo.