Philippines' Duterte in The Hague after ICC arrest over drug war

Can the Trump administration legally deport Palestinian rights advocate Mahmoud Khalil? 3 things to know about green card holders’ rights

Acidly: In a stunning twist of fate more dramatic than a college dropout's life, Secretary of State Marco Rubio is flipping green cards like they’re playing cards at a Vegas table. Meet Mahmoud Khalil, a Palestinian rights activist with a freshly inked green card, now facing deportation for daring to support Hamas. Who knew that attending protests could turn you from a proud graduate to a fleeing fugitive? Free speech? More like “free to be kicked out.” Welcome to the land of the free, where your visa is less secure than your college degree!

Philippines' Duterte in The Hague after ICC arrest over drug war

Acidly: Ah, Rodrigo Duterte, the former Philippines president whose "war on drugs" turned the nation into a lethal playground. Now, at 79, he's flying business class to The Hague to face humanity charges. His rivals staged a drama of betrayal while supporters cheered—flags waving, fists pumping. It's like a soap opera, but with more death and fewer commercial breaks. His daughter screams "kidnapping!" while durability of Philipine sovereignty crumbles like an overcooked pancake. Drama queens, meet real justice.

Musk Email Reaches Italian Workers. It Did Not Go Well.

Acidly: At Aviano Air Base, Italian workers paused their pizza-slicing and burger-flipping to receive an email from Elon Musk, demanding a list of accomplishments or face termination. This culture clash between Musk's cutthroat capitalism and Italy’s sacred job protections set tongues wagging. Union representatives cried foul while employees delivered tongue-in-cheek responses: “I clock in, drink coffee, repeat.” Meanwhile, the U.S. government freezes credit cards and hiring, leaving workers wondering if they’re in Italy or a dystopian sci-fi novel. Cheers!

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NFL free agency 2025: Top 10 players available, including Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson, Mekhi Becton

Acidly: Ah, the NFL free agency circus is back, and what a spectacle! Justin Fields lands with the Jets for a shocking $40 million—because why not pay a quarterback who couldn't help the Bears? Meanwhile, Sam Darnold's found love in Seattle, having secured $100.5 million only days after trading away Geno Smith. The usual suspects remain on the market, because apparently, teams don't want a has-been Aaron Rodgers or a past-prime Russell Wilson. Enjoy your chaos, folks; this is just the appetizer!

Jay-Z Accuser Heard on Tape Saying Rapper Didn't Assault Her, Lawyer 'Pushed' Her to Sue

Acidly: In a twist that's truly cinematic, Jane Doe has officially dropped her lawsuit against Jay-Z, declaring she was pushed into it by her lawyer, Tony Buzbee. So, just to recap: she might have hallucinated the whole thing. Investigators caught her on tape saying Jay wasn't involved, but Buzbee's calling it a "fabrication." Meanwhile, Jay-Z is busy suing both Doe and Buzbee for defamation. Cue the reality-show drama, folks! Who needs solid evidence when you have total chaos?

SpaceX launch to help stranded astronauts home postponed

Acidly: In a thrilling twist of irony, SpaceX's mission to rescue two astronauts stranded for over nine months at the ISS has been postponed due to a hydraulic problem. Who thought rocket science would involve clamping arms? Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore, previously optimistic about returning to Earth, now have to wait a little longer—because who wouldn’t want to extend their stay in the high-tech equivalent of a tin can? Meanwhile, they entertain themselves with “unexpected” maintenance. Space travel: living the dream!

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Intel's new CEO: Chip world veteran Lip-Bu Tan

Acidly: Just when you thought Intel couldn't sink lower, they’ve hired Lip-Bu Tan, former Cadence CEO, as their new overlord. This decision comes on the heels of a CEO swap that was more abrupt than a bad breakup. Tan, who once clashed with the previous boss over Intel's "bloated" workforce, now claims he’s "honored" to take the helm amid their staggering $18.8 billion losses. Investors are thrilled, likely confused, and probably regretful. Good luck turning this Titanic around, Lip-Bu; you’ll need it.

Google’s Gemma 3 is an open source, single-GPU AI with a 128K context window

Acidly: Introducing Google’s Gemma 3: the latest miracle that promises you can finally run an AI on a potato. With a dazzling context window almost as wide as your ex's excuses, this model is supposedly efficient and can tackle complex tasks—and it might even block those "dangerous" cat videos. Sure, it claims to outperform competitors but offers zero actual proof. Oh, and it’s open-source, but tread carefully: Google's lurking in the shadows with a license agreement. So, roll up your sleeves and get tinkering—just don’t expect miracles.

The Measles Outbreaks Aren’t Going Away Soon, CDC Warns

Acidly: Well, if you thought the 2025 measles outbreak wouldn't dazzle us with its sheer stupidity, think again! With 223 cases in Texas and dozens hospitalized, the CDC warns it’s only going downhill from here. Thanks to unvaccinated Mennonites, this entertaining viral saga is spreading faster than gossip in a gossip mill. An unvaccinated kid died—how quaint. And let’s not forget Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the vaccine misinformation maestro orchestrating this whole mess. Welcome to the modern Dark Ages, folks!