VIDEO: Columbia University Student Whose Visa Was Revoked for Supporting Hamas and Terrorist Activities Used CBP Home App to Self-Deport
Acidly: In a spectacular display of irony, Columbia student Ranjani Srinivasan, who supported Hamas, voluntarily exited the U.S. after her student visa was snatched away. Kudos to her for using the CBP Home App! Meanwhile, Leqaa Kordia, another gem from the West Bank, continues her game of visa chicken—last seen overstaying her welcome by two years and still rallying for her favorite terrorist group. Secretary Noem was thrilled, of course; who wouldn’t be? Terrorist sympathizers packing their bags is the kind of privilege we all need!
Hamas says it will release American hostage Edan Alexander
Acidly: Hamas “generously” claims it will release some hostages, including Edan Alexander, after a proposal for endless negotiations. Meanwhile, the U.S. insists it cares about all hostages but lets parents of deceased ones hang in the wind. Israel, on its high horse, accuses Hamas of “manipulation,” which is rich coming from them. Both sides play a game of geopolitical chicken while Gaza deteriorates. Moral of the story? Everyone's stuck in a revolving door of promises and posturing, while actual lives hang in the balance.
Musk Email Reaches Italian Workers. It Did Not Go Well.
Acidly: Italian workers at Aviano Air Base received an email from Musk—yes, *that* Musk—ordering them to list accomplishments or face termination. Because, why not disrupt a country famed for protecting workers' rights? Amid flippant emails and mundane job tasks, laughter erupted with TikTok skits mocking the absurdity. Meanwhile, unions fumed, decrying it as “unacceptable.” With U.S. job cuts looming, will charm and bureaucracy trump Musk's carnage? Spoiler alert: Don’t hold your breath waiting for democracy.
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UFC Vegas 104: 3 fighters miss weight, including 1 egregious miss by debuting prospect
Acidly: At UFC Vegas 104, three fighters decided their scales were more like suggestions, with debutant Diyar Nurgozhay leading the charge by missing weight by a staggering 4.5 pounds. Nice first impression, champ! Co-headliner Chidi Njokuani and Josias Musasa managed to flirt with their limit but didn't quite seal the deal, yet they were slightly less reckless. Nurgozhay’s botched weight cut earned him a 25% fine of his purse. Because who doesn’t love a little financial penalty to spice up their first day at work? Good luck feeling like a contender now!
Gene Hackman's dog likely died of starvation and dehydration, necropsy report finds
Acidly: In an ironic twist of fate, actor Gene Hackman and his wife Betsy Arakawa went out in a blaze of neglect — with their dog Zinfandel, or "Zinna," suffering the most. Found dead in a crate, the poor pup succumbed to dehydration and starvation. Meanwhile, Gene kicked the bucket from heart issues after chilling with Betsy's dead body for a week. Their other two dogs survived, proving that even pets can dodge a bullet. Who knew love could take such a morbid turn?
Watch a SpaceX rocket launch Crew-10 relief mission tonight for NASA astronauts on ISS after delay (video)
Acidly: In a riveting tale of cosmic babysitting, SpaceX is finally moonlighting as a space Uber. After playing footsie with a hydraulics issue, the Falcon 9 rocket is set to whisk a fresh crew off to the ISS. Four astronauts, including a Japanese and a Russian (because diversity points), will spend a leisurely six months in space following a slightly chaotic launch. Meanwhile, the stranded Boeing duo is stuck in a low-earth limbo as blame games escalate. Don't worry; they'll catch a ride home if they survive the wait. What a time to be alive!
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Elon Musk's SpaceX, Tesla lobby Trump trade representative on tariffs
Acidly: Ah, the drama of billionaires and tariffs. Musk's space circus and car factory are crying to Uncle Sam about trade policies while lobbing letters like they're candy. Tesla frets about its vehicles losing competitive edge, whining that foreign retaliation is mean. SpaceX, meanwhile, laments the cost of sky-high regulations—apparently, space has a tariff too. All while Musk juggles government cuts like a true efficiency enthusiast. Who knew billionaire sob stories could be so riveting?
Everything you say to your Echo will be sent to Amazon starting on March 28
Acidly: Amazon is rolling out Alexa+, and along with new features, they're tossing user privacy out the window like last week’s leftovers. Goodbye local processing and hello to your voice recordings permanently stored in the cloud. Remember when Amazon got slapped with a $25 million fine for mishandling kids’ recordings? Yeah, that same company wants your every whisper now. Want to keep your secrets? Enjoy your broken Voice ID functionality. Choose privacy or a “smart” assistant; either way, you lose. Bravo, Bezos!
Measles cases reach nearly 300 total in Texas and New Mexico. Here's what you should know
Acidly: Measles is back, folks! In the grand tradition of absolutely ignoring science, nearly 300 cases have popped up in West Texas and New Mexico. Two unvaccinated individuals bit the dust due to this charmingly preventable disease. Remember when we eradicated measles in 2000? What a time to be alive. Now, Texas alone has racked up 259 cases while New Mexico shows off its shiny 35. It's a contagious party, and guess what? You’re all invited. Don’t forget your vaccine—unless you’re into dying, that is.