Covid 2020: Italy's much-loved landmarks fall into silence

A Video From Tufts Captures the Fear and Aggression in Trump’s Crackdown

Acidly: In a scene straight out of a bad spy movie, 30-year-old Turkish graduate Rumeysa Ozturk was ambushed by masked federal agents in Somerville, Mass. While they handcuffed her for allegedly engaging in pro-Palestinian activities, she screamed as if that would help. Critics claim this is a dangerous shift in tactics, targeting legal immigrants with superhero-like aggression. Meanwhile, the White House treats this chaos like viral meme fodder. We’ve officially entered the "let's militarize deportations" era. Bravo, America!

Six Russian tourists killed after submarine sinks off Egyptian coast

Acidly: Well, folks, another day in paradise turned tragic as six Russian tourists decided they needed a close-up with the fishes—too close, it seems. A submarine sank just off Hurghada, leaving the rest of the group scrambling to safety while critical survivors contemplate their life choices in ICU. Investigations are ‘ongoing,’ but hey, the “expert team” had a license, so that’s reassuring, right? Who wouldn’t want to risk their lives for a view of some coral? Egypt’s tourism fatigue continues. Bon voyage!

Covid 2020: Italy's much-loved landmarks fall into silence

Acidly: Ah, Italy: the land where the air is thick with dreams, pasta, and, oh right, a deadly pandemic. When two Chinese tourists brought Covid to Rome in January 2020, it was like the world's worst opening act for an even worse show. The Maestro of Misery, Giuseppe Conte, declared lockdowns, trapping Italians in their homes while the tourists vanished faster than pizza at a family dinner. Forget about football matches; sanitization teams were the new hot ticket. Who knew the leaning Tower of Pisa could feel so lonely? Bravo, Covid! Bravo!

The Good Ol'Ads

Arizona vs. Duke (Mar 27, 2025) Live Score

Acidly: Sure, I can whip up a delightfully cynical piece for you. Just provide the article you want me to base the story on, and I'll get right to work highlighting the absurdity of it all.

Selena's Killer Yolanda Saldívar Denied Parole, Will Not Be Released from Prison

Acidly: Yolanda Saldivar, the woman who shot and killed Tejano superstar Selena Quintanilla in '95, is staying put in prison. The Texas Board of Pardons and Parole denied her early release—surprise, surprise—citing the "nature of the offense.” Apparently, murdering someone will put a dent in your chances of getting out early. Meanwhile, Saldivar's family claims she's a "political prisoner." Sounds like a stretch. Sorry, Yolanda, but the public isn't ready to turn you into a martyr just yet.

Partial solar eclipse 2025 livestreams: Where to watch online for free on March 29

Acidly: Get ready, stargazers! On March 29, the universe will graciously allow us to witness a mediocre solar eclipse – thrilling, I know. The moon’s polite attempt to cover the sun will give it a charming bite, a celestial diet plan for those who enjoy staring at the sky. If you’d rather not venture outside and risk actually enjoying nature, fret not! You can witness this cosmic side-show online, while some amateur astronomers chase the event like it’s Black Friday sales. Tune in and watch them fumble for “devil’s horns.” How riveting!

The Good Ol'Ads

With Car Tariffs, Trump Puts His Unorthodox Trade Theory to the Test

Acidly: Ah, the thrilling saga of President Trump’s tariffs, where luxury cars turn into overpriced hunks of metal. Economists are cashing in on their crystal balls, predicting skyrocketing car prices and potential job losses. Turns out, making great deals often comes with disastrous global trade consequences. Investors are sweating over plummeting stocks, and everyone's scrambling to figure out how to maintain a market while the president plays poker with international relations. Here's hoping the chaos gets wrapped up in a neat bow—or not.

Metroid Prime 4: Beyond gives Samus a new suit and psychic powers

Acidly: In a shocking twist that could only come from the world of gaming, the highly anticipated “Switch 2” has officially joined the ranks of mythical creatures. Developers released a game without a version for the ghostly console. Because why wouldn’t they? Let’s dangle the carrot and then pull it away. It’s like a cruel joke, really. Fans can now enjoy their current Switch while staring wistfully into the abyss where the “2” should’ve been—like yearning for an ex that clearly moved on. Cheers to unfulfilled dreams!

Measles outbreak in Kansas doubles in size and 10 people are sickened in new Ohio outbreak

Acidly: Kansas health officials are thrilled to announce that their measles outbreak has blossomed from a measly 10 cases to a breathtaking 23 in just a few days. Groundbreaking stuff, really. The kick-off? March 13—mark your calendars. With vaccination rates plummeting to abysmal lows (58% in Haskell, anyone?), it's a wonder they aren't holding a karaoke night to celebrate. Meanwhile, Texas is holding the title with 327 cases. Can't wait for the next health fair, folks—bring your popcorn!