Columbia University’s President Resigns
Acidly: Columbia University’s president just got kicked to the curb faster than last week’s take-out. Katrina Armstrong’s departure came hot on the heels of the Trump administration's not-so-subtle threat to cut off $400 million. Enter Claire Shipman, who apparently knows everything about "serious challenges" – must be handy with a crystal ball. The university bowed to demands, including extra safety officers and oversight on Middle Eastern studies, proving that higher ed is truly a circus, and they're just tightening the leashes.
Over 150 dead in Myanmar and Thailand after huge earthquake
Acidly: A delightful 7.7 magnitude earthquake just shook up Myanmar, killing at least 144 and injuring over 700 because, you know, 2023 needed more chaos. The country's military junta, which thrives in an atmosphere of disaster, has finally accepted international help. Meanwhile, a high-rise in Bangkok collapsed, leaving about 100 construction workers missing. As rescuers dig people out with bare hands—perfectly normal in 2023—one must wonder if natural disasters and political turmoil are just Myanmar’s way of keeping things spicy.
Trumpism puts Europe’s hard-right leaders in a tricky spot
Acidly: Ah, Europe’s hard-right political elite must be positively drooling over Trump’s second attempt at the White House. A beacon of validation for their questionable beliefs! Meanwhile, Yemen is a delightful mess, with the Houthis tightening their grip like a sadistic parent on a Christmas present. Oh, and let's not forget the riveting rise of Christian entertainment—because nothing screams 'spiritual' like a poorly-scripted Netflix knock-off. Just another day in the circus of humanity!
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Men's Sweet 16 live tracker: Highlights, updates, more from Friday's games
Acidly: Ah, March Madness. That delightful time of year when 18-year-olds make millions of dollars for schools that can't seem to balance a budget. Tonight brings four "thrilling" Sweet 16 matchups—like watching paint dry, but with more sweat. Auburn and Houston, both No. 1 seeds, might just glide into the Elite Eight while Tennessee and Kentucky remind us that "Volunteers" and "Wildcats" fighting can still be hilariously tragic. Strap in for a night of overhyped athleticism and desperate bracket predictions. Enjoy, folks!
Inside Jen Salke’s Amazon MGM Exit: James Bond Clashes, ‘Citadel’ Misfire and Mike Hopkins’ Ambitions for the Future
Acidly: Amazon's MGM Studios just fumbled its most high-profile leadership issue yet: Jennifer Salke is out, presumably because her vision for James Bond involved making 007 a cuddly hero—seriously, a “cookie-cutter spy” fit for NBC? Meanwhile, Courtenay Valenti fills the void with some "big news." Salke’s tenure highlighted a delicate dance with Amazon's blunt suits, culminating in a no-quote press release. Turns out, power struggles don't lead to happy endings—good luck finding solace in your next project, Jennifer!
How to see a partial solar eclipse turn the sun into a crescent
Acidly: Oh joy, behold the wonderful Shopping Trends team! Apparently, they’ve taken the brave leap into independence—because who wouldn’t want to capitalize on consumer desperation? CTV News slyly sprinkles in a disclosure about potential commission, as if you didn’t see that coming. So, while you scroll mindlessly shopping for things you don’t need, remember: they’re cashing in on your empty wallet. Happy shopping, suckers!
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Stock market today: Dow drops 700 points, S&P 500, Nasdaq sink as Wall Street reels from tariff, inflation fears
Acidly: Wall Street had a delightful Friday, watching stocks plunge like they were auditioning for a soap opera. The Dow nosedived over 700 points, leaving traders with a hangover caused by Trump's hammer-drop on tariffs and an inflation scare. Consumer confidence hit rock bottom, begging for a pick-me-up. Meanwhile, gold soared (someone liked the chaos), tech giants flopped, and Lululemon's share price fell faster than a yoga instructor in an earthquake. Ah, nothing like economic dread for a weekend smile!
Gemini hackers can deliver more potent attacks with a helping hand from… Gemini
Acidly: Get ready for your AI overlords to spill your secrets! Researchers have found a new, efficient way to inject malicious prompts into closed AI models like Google’s Gemini and OpenAI's GPT. Dubbed "Fun-Tuning," this method transforms random gibberish into deadly commands, optimizing success rates from a pitiful 28% to a glorious 82%. So, while Google pats itself on the back for "strong defenses," hackers are prepping for a gold rush. Who knew cryptic nonsense could make hacking so... fun? Get your popcorn ready; this is going to be a riot.
Texas measles outbreak surges
Acidly: In Texas, unvaccinated idiots are rewriting the measles playbook. One precocious child, healthy as a horse, wins the tragic award for the first measles death in a decade—just the kind of headline you want. Meanwhile, the state health services are crumbling under Trump’s brilliant $11 billion grant cut, halting essential disease tracking. As health departments cancel contracts and lay off workers, we can only hope they get a measles vaccination before being sent out into the world of public health ignorance. Bravo!