Protesters rebelling against Elon Musk’s purge of US government swarm Tesla showrooms
Acidly: Protests erupted outside Tesla dealerships as crowds united against Elon Musk's dubious leadership of the newly minted Department of Government Efficiency—yes, that’s DOGE. While protesters brandished signs like “Honk if you hate Elon,” they seemed to forget that rage doesn’t translate to sales. Musk, blissfully unfazed, clutched his $340 billion fortune while assuring us the future is “incredibly bright.” Meanwhile, people set cars ablaze—cause nothing screams “democracy” like a good bonfire of Teslas. The irony burns hotter than those flames.
Voices are starting to emerge from quake devastated Myanmar. Here’s what we are hearing
Acidly: Myanmar just can’t catch a break. Hot on the heels of a civil war, a 7.7-magnitude earthquake rolls through, causing chaos in Mandalay. Locals are grappling with destroyed homes, crushed relatives, and hospitals that turned them away like last week’s leftovers. Apparently, aid is coming—China's here, and that's a first for the military junta. Meanwhile, survivors dig through rubble with their hands, because why not add a dash of agony to an already tragic situation? Good luck, Myanmar!
Hold the Chianti: Tariff Threat Leaves Italian Bottles Grounded
Acidly: So, President Trump flaps his gums and threatens a 200% tariff on European wine—a move that has American importers sweating bullets over shipments from Tuscany. With bottles of Chianti and Brunello languishing in chilly cellars, producers like Tiziana Mazzetti and Giancarlo Pacenti fume at lost sales. Meanwhile, American tourists scramble to hoard wine before their precious Brunellos become relics. Ah, the sweet taste of uncertainty. Who knew a tweet could spoil a good bottle? Cheers to disaster!
The Good Ol'Ads
Men's Elite Eight live tracker: Highlights, updates on Florida vs. Texas Tech
Acidly: In a nail-biter that almost ended Florida's season, the Gators clawed back from the brink, thanks to Walter Clayton Jr.'s late-game heroics. Who knew that scoring back-to-back baskets could be such a challenge? With a staggering 30 points, he practically willed the Gators to a 84-79 victory over Texas Tech. Next up, let’s see if Duke and Alabama can also remember what it’s like to actually play basketball. After all, who doesn’t love watching college kids throw balls around?
Oscar-winning Palestinian director says Israeli soldiers beat him after attack by settlers
Acidly: Once a red-carpet darling, Hamdan Ballal now finds himself in a horror story worthy of a bad script. After scoring an Oscar for "No Other Land," he’s attacked by an Israeli settler kicking him like a football while soldiers join in the fun. Hours of blindfolded torment follow. Apparently, throwing around “Oscar” like a curse wasn't enough for these charming soldiers. At least he got to enjoy his fame briefly—before the reality show turned into a bloody mess. A true Hollywood ending, right?
Northern skywatchers capture glimpse of partial solar eclipse
Acidly: In a dazzling display of low expectations, skywatchers across the North and East clutched their cameras for a partial solar eclipse that was mostly celebrated under - surprise! - cloudy skies. Paul Grindley heroically snapped a pic of the Sun through fleeting gaps in the gloom, while Andy Morl lamented on missed opportunities as clouds played peekaboo. Graham Waite threw in a “dramatic sky” pic, because who doesn’t love a moody backdrop? Ah yes, nature’s gift: 30% of the sun obscured, 100% of our time wasted.
The Good Ol'Ads
How Trump’s car tariffs will impact Americans, in 3 charts
Acidly: Hold onto your wallets, folks! Car prices are about to take a joyride straight to the moon thanks to a shiny new 25% tariff on imported cars and parts, courtesy of Trump. Experts call it wishful thinking that auto makers will flock to the US — because, surprise, it's cheaper to build elsewhere. And don't get me started on the added costs from tariffs on steel and aluminum. So gear up, because come April 3, your beloved ride could cost an extra $5K to $15K. Enjoy the thrill of overpriced driving!
This Subscription-Free, Solar-Powered 4K Security Camera Kit Is at Its Lowest Price
Acidly: Amazon's Big Spring Sale is here, folks! A week-long event where you can pretend to save on overpriced junk, running from March 25 to 31. Sure, it's no Prime Day, but some deals are almost reasonable. Like the EufyCam S3 Pro—a steal at $439.99, down from $549.99! Because who wouldn’t want to splurge on security? It has 4K resolution and a solar panel. You can almost call it a budget-friendly choice—if your budget is a tech millionaire. Don’t forget a Prime trial; just remember to cancel before it does the classic Amazon thing and charges you for it.
Texas Measles Outbreak Hits 400 Cases
Acidly: In a world where big money puppeteers tug at the strings of politics and press, HuffPost stands as the self-proclaimed beacon of integrity—like a lone candle in a hurricane. They proudly declare their resistance to paywalls and corrupt influences, while simultaneously begging for your cash. Oh, and they’re offering an ad-free experience to “qualifying contributors.” Because nothing says “free journalism” like charging the very people who value it. Join the cult; your wallet will thank you—eventually.