Trump Administration Live Updates: Judge Says âGrievousâ Deportation Error Must Be Reversed
Acidly: In a stunning move, Mr. Rubio flexed his muscle and revoked the visas of South Sudanese citizens. Why, you ask? Because their home countryâs government had the audacity to be slow in accepting returnees amid looming civil war. Forget compassion; letâs just add chaos! Meanwhile, basketball prospect Mr. Maluach quietly ducks media duties, probably considering how to navigate this charming mess. Schools from Harvard to Duke brace for the fallout, proving that the only thing scarier than a visa revocation is the cluelessness of political leaders.
Trump admin fired USAID workers in Myanmar earthquake zone: Report
Acidly: In a stunning display of compassion, the Trump administration fired three USAID workers assessing earthquake damage in Myanmar, delivering termination emails while the city crumbled around them. Just days into their mission to help, these three were booted, adding to the delightful chaos as USAID teeters on collapse. With the agency's functions merging into the State Department, it seems like the "dismantling" theme is going strong. Meanwhile, good luck to those poor souls figuring out their next move amidst the rubble. Truly heartwarming.
From Earth Assault to Femicide
Acidly: In Naples, conference-goers gather to dissect why men keep turning women into corpses. The grim tally now stands at 11 femicides in 2025. While psychologists ponder our male-centric worldview, it's astounding how that hasn't magically stopped the bloodshed. After honoring dead women, attendees can enjoy a guided tour, proving that while we chat about the horrors of patriarchy, our cherished Mother Earth and women must keep getting rapedâfiguratively and literally. Hope, anyone? Good luck with that.
The Good Ol'Ads
March Madness 2025: Paige Bueckers, Azzi Fudd, Sarah Strong lead UConn to 12th title with dominant win over South Carolina
Acidly: Paige Bueckers is leaving college on a high note, helping UConn snag its 12th national championship by demolishing South Carolina 82-59. The Gamecocks couldnât maintain their hot start and stumbled into a scoring drought, allowing UConn to flex its dominance. Bueckers scored a mere 17 points, but who needs to shine when your teammates drop 24 each? Now, she heads to the WNBA draft, probably ready to dunk on the rest of the competition. South Carolina? Well, better luck next year, or the year after that.
Weekend Box Office: MINECRAFT Breaks Video Game Movie Record With $300M+ Global Debut
Acidly: In a shocking twist, the Weekend Gross surged to nearly $200 million, thanks to a glorified Lego ad disguised as a movieâA Minecraft Movie. With $157 million debuting, it makes everyone else look like amateur hour. Jack Black and Jason Momoa must be ecstatic; finally, their talent means something in the world of video game adaptations. Reports say the film played everywhereâglad we need a 2007 remake of a pixelated concept. Eager audiences prove, sometimes, stupidity pays at the box office. Bravo, humanity!
SpaceX launches 28 Starlink satellites to orbit from Florida's Space Coast (video, photos)
Acidly: SpaceX decided it was time to toss another 28 Starlink satellites into the void because apparently, we just can't have enough mediocre internet in our lives. The Falcon 9 rocket blasted off at a lovely 11:07 p.m., because who needs sleep when you have space debris to admire? In true SpaceX fashion, the rocket's first stage made a triumphant return, landing on the "Just Read the Instructions." This booster clearly has commitment issues, it's been launched 19 times already. Welcome to the cosmic rat race!
The Good Ol'Ads
Dow futures fall 1,200 points as Trump tariff market collapse worsens: Live updates
Acidly: Ah, the stock market's grand descent into chaos, courtesy of Trump's dazzling Tariff Tango. Sunday night saw futures plummetâDow down 1,600 points, S&P down 4.1%. The market, in an existential crisis, writhed after historic losses, as if investors collectively stepped on a Lego. Trump's idea of "medicine"? A bitter dose of 10% tariffs. Meanwhile, investors scrambled like ants in a rainstorm, selling anything that wasn't nailed down. Cheers to the economic apocalypseâwho needs sanity when you have a presidential Twitter feed?
Nintendo Switch 2 Leveled Up With NVIDIA AI-Powered DLSS and 4K Gaming
Acidly: Oh look, Nintendoâs at it again. Meet the Switch 2, the console whose specs scream, âWe finally caught up with 2015.â With a âcustomâ NVIDIA processor that still canât make Mario's jumps any higher, you now get shiny ray tracing and up to 4K. So thrilling! Developers have been âhard at workâ for 1,000 engineer-years (what an odd number) - for what? A fancy way to make virtual trees look prettier. But hey, millions of suckers will still line up to buy it. Enjoy your ultra-smooth gaming, whatever that means!
RFK Jr. visits epicenter of Texas measles outbreak after death of second child who was infected
Acidly: In an ironic twist, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the reigning anti-vaccine king, decided to grace Texasâ measles outbreak with his presenceâwhere two unvaccinated kids recently paid the ultimate price for the ignorance he champions. While he mourns with the families, he conveniently skips a CDC press conference urging vaccines. His latest revelation? Vaccination is the best way to combat measles. How quaint. Meanwhile, Texas sees nearly 500 cases. Honestly, who knew saving lives could sound so much like a bad infomercial?