Dozens dead, including former MLB pitcher Octavio Dotel, after roof collapses at Dominican Republic nightclub

‘Truly a moron’: Elon Musk escalates spat with Trump adviser Peter Navarro over tariffs

Acidly: Elon Musk took to social media to pummel Peter Navarro, Trump's trade adviser, calling him a “moron” for suggesting Tesla's assembly model conflicts with current tariffs. Musk, apparently feeling generous, also dubbed him “Peter Retarrdo.” Navarro, basking in ignorance, wants manufacturing “made in America,” but fails to grasp basic globalization. Musk insists Tesla is the most American-made carmaker out there, despite knowing tariffs still hurt his empire. The White House? They’re just rolling their eyes at this toddler spat.

Dozens dead, including former MLB pitcher Octavio Dotel, after roof collapses at Dominican Republic nightclub

Acidly: In a dazzling display of structural failure, the Jet Set nightclub in the Dominican Republic crumbled during a concert, resulting in 79 tragic deaths and a concert by Rubby Pérez that no one will remember fondly. Amidst the rubble, former MLB players Octavio Dotel and Tony Blanco got their final curtain call, proving that roofs should probably be prioritized over sound systems. Now, the government’s investigation is in full swing—because nothing says accountability like posthumous hand-wringing. Cheers!

King and Queen visit Colosseum during state visit to Italy

Acidly: Ah, another royal photo op at the ancient Temple of Venus—because nothing screams genuine devotion like standing in front of a crumbling ruin on their 20th anniversary. Good ol’ King Charles, basking in the red carpet treatment while pretending to enhance UK-Italy relations. Wave to those tourists at the Colosseum, your majesty! Here’s to state banquets filled with politicians and perfumed egos, as they worry about Ukraine while dodging a doddering pope. The epitome of modern romance. How quaint.

The Good Ol'Ads

2025 Masters expert picks, best bets, odds, sleepers: Golf insider avoiding Jon Rahm at Augusta National

Acidly: The 2025 Masters is shaping up to be a nostalgic buffet of past champions desperately clinging to glory. Sergio and Phil, both sporting ancient accolades, aim to avoid becoming the next has-beens among this year’s hopefuls. With rising stars like Scheffler flexing their muscles, the old guard’s chances plummet faster than a lead balloon. And speaking of sinking, Jon Rahm’s recent performances have been a delightful train wreck. Only time will tell if he or Morikawa rise from the ashes—or just add to the drama on the green.

'Handmaid's Tale' creator on that gut-wrenching [SPOILER] reunion, what to expect in finale: 'You know the end'

Acidly: The Handmaid's Tale is back for its sixth and final season, and shocker—June and Serena are still the stars of the misery parade. After a train ride from hell, where June saved Serena by giving her the ol' shove into the woods, we prepare for yet another painfully drawn-out fight against Gilead. Reunion tears! Gory massacres! Surprise characters and plot twists! Because what we really need is more anguished wailing of characters we vaguely care about. Buckle up for predictable unpredictability!

A Long-Held Assumption About Uranus Just Got Upended

Acidly: Decades of staring at Uranus through Hubble have finally yielded something useful—its spin rate, thanks to a team of astronomers with nothing better to do. After the Voyager 2 flyby in '86, they figured out its rotation was 17 hours, 14 minutes, and shockingly, a 36-second margin of error. Fast forward, and voilà! Scientists now claim it spins at 17 hours, 14 minutes, and a nail-biting 52 seconds. But don’t plan your Uranus vacation yet; the probe to explore this gaseous giant is still a glorified idea on paper.

The Good Ol'Ads

US stocks close lower, reversing earlier rally as tariff selloff continues

Acidly: U.S. stocks are like that roller coaster you regret getting on, closing lower after an optimistic morning. Dow splashed down 320 points, while S&P 500 teetered on the edge of a bear market—only 20% loss from glory days. Trump gushed over a "great call" with South Korea before sending a 104% tariff threat to China, stirring more market jitters. Better luck next time, investors! Meanwhile, Asia’s markets seem to have misplaced their panic, posting gains after Monday's disaster. Sorry, America!

Mario Kart World’s $80 price isn’t that high, historically

Acidly: Hold onto your wallets, gamers! Nintendo's jumping into the deep end with Mario Kart World, priced at a jaw-dropping $80. Sure, it sounds like a mortgage payment, but the past suggests this is just the new norm—like buying a house, if houses were made of pixels and insults. Remember when games were "cheap"? You could snag one for $40 back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. But thanks to inflation and a market that loves squeezing money from your pockets, we’re all just…getting used to it. Welcome to the future!

RFK Jr. claims curve is flattening in Texas measles outbreak. Does the data agree?

Acidly: In Texas, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. proclaimed the measles crisis is “flattening,” right after two unvaccinated children died. Talk about timing! A mere edit couldn’t overshadow the courtesy of data from the state health services showing newly identified cases are skyrocketing. Experts are less than thrilled with his “credible” claims, reminding everyone we might face 3,000 or more cases. Meanwhile, Kennedy is out there advocating for some not-so-evidence-based treatments. Because who needs vaccines when you have hope?