Harvard Sues Trump Administration Over Threats to Cut Funding
Acidly: Harvard, the elite bastion of learning, is now battling the Trump administration, which appears to be channeling a high school bully with its threats to snatch billions in research funding. In a gripping plot twist, the lawsuit claims the government is on a power trip, trying to dictate how Harvard teaches students under the guise of âantisemitism concerns.â Itâs like a bad reality show: Harvard fights, angry bureaucrats threaten, and no one winsâexcept, perhaps, the lawyers. Bravo, Americaâs education system!
Latest Updates: Pope Francis Dies at 88
Acidly: Pope Francis died just a day after appearing in his wheelchair to bless the masses, leaving the Vatican to scramble for a successor. Mourners flocked to St. Peterâs Square, shocked at the swiftness of it all. What now? Do they pick a progressive to continue his legacy of inclusiveness or revert to the good olâ days of rigid doctrine? As tributes rolled in, some praised his fight for the marginalized, while others lamented his failure to speak out against oppressive regimes. The conclave drama begins, folks. Stay tuned!
British and Israeli Tourists Among Victims of Italian Cable Car Crash
Acidly: Whatâs more breathtaking than a view of the Gulf of Naples? Oh, how about a cable car that plummets to oblivion? Four souls, including two British tourists and an Israeli woman, met their unfortunate fates at Monte Faito as a cable snapped like a birthday balloon. The driver's âextraordinaryâ skills evidently didnât cover surviving the drop. Meanwhile, Italian officials are on the caseâbecause nothing screams âitâs under controlâ like a professor admitting investigations take years. Cheers to Italian efficiency!
The Good Ol'Ads
Reid's seven-round NFL mock draft: We projected fits for all 32 teams across 257 selections
Acidly: Ah, draft week! NFL teams, masked in delusion, prepare to throw millions at unproven college kids as if they hold the key to glory. Tennessee kicks it off by picking Cam Ward, the latest QB they hope turns water into wine. Meanwhile, the Browns will snag Travis Hunter, convinced heâs the two-way savior. The Giants take yet another edge rusher to chase the ghosts of their past. Enjoy your casseroles of disappointment, fans â this yearâs draft will be just as thrilling as waiting for your toaster to pop.
'Sinners' Star Michael B. Jordan On Another Hit With Ryan Coogler
Acidly: Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler, the filmmaking duo we didnât know we desperately needed, just scored a whopping $48 million with their latest masterpiece, *Sinners*. This gem has solidified them as the next big thing in Hollywood, rivaling legendary partnerships like Scorsese-De Niro. Meanwhile, Jordan confidently prepares for his remake of *The Thomas Crown Affair*. Because why focus on originality when you can just keep rehashing the past with varying degrees of success? At least theyâre charming while doing it.
SpaceX launch creates a 'nebula' | Space picture of the day for April 21, 2025
Acidly: Oh joy, another SpaceX launch. On April 21, 2025, they sent an uncrewed Dragon into spaceâbecause who hasnât already sent supplies to the ISS 32 times? After a fireworks show of burning engines, the Falcon 9 stage decided it was confused, turning back for a dramatic re-entry. What stunning artistry! Each time it lands, a unique nebula-like glow scrawls across the sky, proving that recycling is the new space chic. Truly, itâs not just rocket science; itâs performance art! Who knew?
The Good Ol'Ads
US stocks and dollar slide after Trump attacks Fed chair Powell
Acidly: Stocks are plummeting faster than your favorite fast food after an all-nighter. Trump, ever the economic genius, is ripping into Fed Chairman Powell, calling him a "major loser." Apparently, rates aren't low enough for his tasteâdespite his tariff tantrums prepping the economy for a nosedive. The S&P is down 12% this year, but who cares? Gold's hitting record highs because apparently, shiny rocks are more reliable than a guy appointed by Trump. Funny how that works!
Nintendo is going after the person behind last yearâs massive PokĂ©mon leak
Acidly: Nintendo, the company that once brought joy and creativity to gaming, is now playing superhero by trying to unmask a leaker named "GameFreakOUT"âbecause nothing screams fun like a courtroom drama. The leaker spilled the beans on PokĂ©mon secrets in whatâs hilariously dubbed the âTeraleak,â making every fan's dreams come true, one spoiler at a time. Nintendo wants personal details faster than you can say "lucrative lawsuit." So much for the magic of childhood; guess it's all about the litigation now!
Annual Report to the Nation: Cancer deaths continue to decline
Acidly: Oh joy, cancer death rates have dipped since 2001âlet's call it progress! Mind you, ladies, while youâre busy grappling with the increasing rates of breast and other cancers linked to our beloved fast food, men are enjoying a slight reprieve (thanks, vaping). This miracle occurred even as COVID crumbled healthcare access. So, cheers to some statistics that forget to mention that obesity is creeping up faster than a Netflix binge. Who's ready to fight this never-ending battle with green juice and guilt?