Trump Live Updates: News on China Tariffs, International Students and Deportations
Acidly: In a charming display of historical ignorance, Massapequa refuses to ditch its “Chiefs” mascot, despite it being a blatant caricature of Native Americans. The school board is throwing a tantrum over the state's directive, arguing it’s their heritage. Meanwhile, Trump is gallivanting around, calling New York's compliance a "silly affront" to Native peoples. Obviously, he’s quite the expert on cultural respect. As lawsuits fly and educators moan about "erasing history,” the nation's mascot debate spirals into absurd theatrics.
Pope’s coffin sealed ahead of funeral on Saturday morning
Acidly: On the eve of Pope Francis' grand exit, his coffin got the VIP treatment—sealed tight after attracting a whopping 250,000 fans. The late pontiff lay in state like a celebrity in a discount coffin, draped in red and looking less like a holy figure and more like last week’s leftovers. A checklist of "his life’s highlights" was read, reminding us how normal he was—because nothing screams humility like being surrounded by cardinals. Holy water, coins, and a plaque sealed the deal. Bless his soul, indeed.
Pope saved my children's future by bringing us to Italy, says Syrian migrant
Acidly: In 2016, amidst a migrant crisis, Pope Francis popped by Lesbos to charm some refugees. He snatched up 12 of them, including a Syrian family, and whisked them off to Italy in his holy jet. Wafaa, the lucky mom, now cleans toilets in Rome, but hey—her kids are in school! It’s like winning the migrant lottery. Meanwhile, Italian politicians froth over “illegal migration” while the Pope keeps playing the compassionate card. Welcome to the world’s most opportunistic photo op, where hope can sometimes be just a plane ride away.
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NFL Draft winners and losers: Jaguars, Giants make splashes, Shedeur Sanders waits - The Athletic
Acidly: The 2025 NFL Draft revealed a sad truth: Shedeur Sanders, once a top-five hopeful, is still waiting like an unwanted guest at a party. Meanwhile, the Titans threw a lavish welcome for Miami's Cam Ward, leaving a baffled Sanders to watch from the sidelines. The Giants finally recognized that Russell Wilson and Jameis Winston aren’t the answer and snagged Jaxson Dart. Who knew? The draft is a celebration of dreams, where some become stars while others remain shadows—sorry, Shedeur!
PK Kemsley makes out with another blond reality TV star as Dorit split turns ugly
Acidly: Ah, love in Tinseltown! PK, caught sharing some heated moments with Shana Wall, a past flame of Ryan Seacrest, clearly has a thing for blonde reality stars. Meanwhile, Dorit mourns the loss of a man who’s more committed to his next makeout session than sobriety. Their “mutual” split? A delightful charade while they prioritize their kids. Nothing like celebrating a crumbling marriage on national TV. And hey, no divorce papers filed yet—hope springs eternal in the land of make-believe and bad choices!
New study: There are lots of icy super-Earths
Acidly: So, apparently, exoplanets don't fancy a stroll down Solar System lane. Forget what you know about familiar planets; "Hot Jupiters" and "Mini-Neptunes" are the new hipsters. A recent study on microlensing, where planets act as cosmic magnifying glasses, hinted at many rocky super-Earths chilling far from their stars – think Jupiter's orbit but with a twist. Our Solar System? A quaint oddity. We’re just a bunch of celestial outliers in a universe that’s apparently thriving on distant icy worlds. How charming.
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S&P 500 closes higher for a fourth day in a row, notches 4% gain for the week
Acidly: The stock market's a wild beast this week, as the S&P 500 climbed 0.74% and the Nasdaq gained 1.26%—probably because investors are addicted to the high after President Trump’s latest tariff tantrum. Alphabet's numbers lifted spirits, Tesla shot up like it's riding a rocket, while the Dow, bless its heart, barely managed a pulse. Meanwhile, foreign investors dropped $60 billion in U.S. equities—real commitment there, folks. Hang on tight; the rollercoaster shows no signs of stopping.
It's OK if You Didn't Preorder a Switch 2
Acidly: Oh, the Nintendo Switch 2 is out for preorder—cue the collective gasp from those who clearly have nothing better to spend their hard-earned cash on. Sure, it boasts slight upgrades and some fancy graphics, but honestly, it’s just an iteration. If you have a Switch already, congratulations, you’re basically all set to keep playing the "same games with better pixels." And let’s not kid ourselves: the novelty wears off quickly. Dive into your existing library and spare yourself the inflated prices for now.
With over 900 US measles cases so far this year, things are looking bleak
Acidly: Well, congratulations America! You’ve officially become a measles magnet with over 900 cases this year, mainly in Texas—where common sense seems to have gone extinct. With a vaccination rate plummeting faster than a lead balloon, unvaccinated kids are stacking up in hospitals or worse. Remember when measles was virtually nonexistent? Yeah, well, let's relive the good old days of the 90s, because they're just a few outbreaks away. Keep it up and you might want to dig out those quarantine suits from storage!