Trump administration is sending ‘a message to chill the judiciary’ with Wisconsin judge’s arrest, her peer says
Acidly: Wisconsin’s judicial circus continues as Judge Hannah Dugan gets arrested for allegedly aiding an undocumented immigrant. Colón, her peer and a self-proclaimed unbiased ethical beacon, warns this is just the Trump administration flexing its muscles, trying to intimidate those who refuse to bow to its whims. Apparently, a judge confronting federal agents is now considered obstruction. Cheers to chaos—who doesn’t love a good court drama? Let’s see how many folks feel brave enough to seek justice now.
At Least 11 People Killed After Car Plows Into Vancouver Filipino Festival
Acidly: In a scene straight out of a low-budget horror flick, a black Audi SUV casually strolled into a crowd at Vancouver's Lapu Lapu Festival, triggering mass panic. What started as a “load-up” turned into a scene where the driver, a real-life embodiment of a deleted "Grand Theft Auto" character, decided speed was the name of the game. Despite previous dealings with police over his "mental health issues," they swiftly ruled out terrorism—because nothing says “celebration” like a sudden vehicle massacre. Enjoy your multicultural community, folks!
Eighty years after Mussolini's execution, nostalgia for fascism persists
Acidly: Mussolini’s grand finale saw him dangling by his feet in Milan, a fitting exit for a man who thought he could dodge death and live like a German soldier. The crowd jeered, their rage finally erupting on the despot’s once-idolized physique. Months later, Italy’s far-right openly fondles the ghost of fascism, and nostalgic pilgrims flock to his grave like moths to a flame. Meanwhile, Pope Francis’s death and an overly somber Liberation Day distract a nation from its sordid past. Who knew history could be this tragically ironic?
The Good Ol'Ads
Zurich Classic: Andrew Novak and Ben Griffin win after Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry fade
Acidly: In a thrilling display of mediocrity, Andrew Novak and Ben Griffin snagged their first PGA Tour win at the Zurich Classic, embarrassing past champions Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry. The duo, clinging to their glory days, shot an impressive even-par 72 that screamed “we’re so done.” Meanwhile, Dane twins Nicolai and Rasmus Hojgaard coughed up their chance with a bogey on the final holes, proving once again that choking runs in the family. Congrats, Novak—you finally showed up!
‘Dead Outlaw’ Review: This Bandit Has Mummy Issues
Acidly: In "Dead Outlaw," a beautiful drifter croons while sipping on existential dread. His tune morphs quickly from poetic to pathetic, and he’s soon off to rob a train, like any reasonable person might. Broadway's ghostly ode to Elmer McCurdy is about how life sucks but death? Oh, it’s a party. The embalmed outlaw's bizarre life story is told through rowdy songs, absurd humor, and enough nihilism to fill a funeral home. If witnessing a dead man’s misadventures sounds joyous, then congratulations—you've found your next feel-good show.
Space photo of the week: Iconic 'Eagle Nebula' gets a major glow-up on Hubble's 35th anniversary
Acidly: Oh wow, another breathtaking pic from the Hubble, because who doesn't love staring at gas and dust from 9.5 light-years away? This time, they’ve brought a "newly processed" version of the iconic Pillars of Creation — as if we weren't bombarded enough with beauty that could've easily been a psychedelic wallpaper. Apparently, these cosmic pillars are being "eroded" by young, hot stars, because they couldn’t just remain timeless like the rest of us. Happy 35th birthday, Hubble—still making those cosmic dust shots with the same enthusiasm as a toddler with finger paint.
The Good Ol'Ads
1 Stock to Buy, 1 Stock to Sell This Week: Meta Platforms, Pfizer
Acidly: META is poised for another rollercoaster ride, with analysts expecting an 8.3% swing after the latest earnings report. Sure, they're set to post a 13% revenue increase—yawn!—but the real thrill is watching investors panic over reduced ad spending from the Chinese market. Meanwhile, Pfizer is the sad sack of the stock world, with predictions of an 18% drop in EPS and a dwindling product pipeline. So, buckle up and grab your popcorn; it's just another week in the circus of Wall Street!
Nintendo Switch 2 pre-order restock: Walmart+ Week is when to track it
Acidly: Walmart has turned into the mecca for Nintendo Switch 2 fanatics, desperately refreshing their pages like they’re waiting for a date to text back. This weekend? A rollercoaster of “in and out of stock” joy as they snagged 10,000 pre-orders. But fear not, the Walmart+ Week marathon starts on April 28! More units may miraculously appear—just in time for you to salivate over saving a few bucks. Bonus: you don’t need to pay for Walmart+ to join the madness. What a gift! Happy hunting, gamers!
Immunotherapy Drug Spares Cancer Patients From Grisly Surgeries and Harsh Therapies
Acidly: Scientists at Sloan Kettering decided to gamble with immunotherapy instead of the usual torturous cancer treatments. Turns out, it paid off for some patients—49 with rectal cancer watched their tumors vanish without a single scalpel or dose of chemo. Shocking, isn't it? But don't get too excited; the price tag is $11,000 per dose, so how about we throw in some bankruptcy with that miracle cure? For those with deep pockets, not having a colostomy bag sounds like a win. Cheers to modern medicine—if you can afford it!