Live updates: Storms bring hail, rain, at least one tornado to Minnesota
Acidly: Minnesota decided it was time to throw a wild weather party on Monday, complete with thunderstorms, tornado warnings, and hail—because, why not? Some schools panicked and canceled classes early, probably fearing for their lives. While the Twin Cities dodged the worst of the drama, places like Kenyon weren't so lucky, with barns playing dodgeball with tornadoes. But don’t worry; the storm left thousands powerless—essentially, Minnesota's version of blackout bingo. Stay classy, Mother Nature.
Massive power outage in Spain and Portugal leaves thousands stranded and millions without light
Acidly: Spain and Portugal decided to play blackout bingo, leaving millions stranded without cash, communication, or a clue what was happening. Train passengers became impromptu tourists on the tracks, while Madrid’s streets resembled a bad episode of Survivor. Prime Minister Sánchez, still in shock, assured power would return—eventually. Experts scratched their heads over the "extraordinary" breakdown as people turned to the ancient art of conversation, sharing bread and cold cuts in the darkness. Who needs electricity anyway?
Battle over top Italian insurer Generali pits oligarchs against Milan elite
Acidly: Welcome to Italy, where financial drama plays out like a soap opera. Enter Assicurazioni Generali, a behemoth insurer with a €35.6 billion debt hookup to Italy. The latest episode? CEO Philippe Donnet fended off a board coup by elite billionaires upset with his French merger plans. Meanwhile, the government, clearly feeling left out, wants its slice of influence pie. Expect backstabbing, alliances, and possibly a grand takeover as Mediobanca and the government’s puppets duke it out. Who knew finance could be this riveting?
The Good Ol'Ads
Esiason: Multiple owners told their teams to take Shedeur Sanders off the board
Acidly: Shedeur Sanders's draft drama is the stuff of cringe-worthy reality TV. NFL analyst Boomer Esiason revealed teams tossed him off their draft boards—thanks to his oh-so-charming attitude and self-proclaimed "culture changing" prowess. Apparently, confidence becomes entitlement when you can't play like your dad did. He casually admits he could improve but has zero clue what that means for his career. As he clings to his “disrespected” narrative, one can’t help but wonder: does he think self-reflection grows on trees? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.
The White Stripes headed to Rock & Roll Hall of Fame; 22nd Detroit act to be inducted
Acidly: Ah, the White Stripes. From slumming it in a dingy Detroit bar to rock royalty, they’ve finally wormed their way into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Induction in 2025? Should be a good time—assuming Meg White decides to ditch her hermit lifestyle and grace us with her presence. Jack’s likely ready for the spotlight, but who knows? Maybe they'll keep their “just like siblings” charade intact. The suspense of seeing if the duo can actually share a stage again is almost as riveting as watching paint dry.
SpaceX launches 250th Starlink satellite mission, lands rocket at sea (video, photos)
Acidly: Oh, look! SpaceX decided to add another 23 Starlink satellites to its never-ending sky pollution parade. The Falcon 9 rocket launched last night—sure, why not? It's only the 250th time they've blasted these little space shuttles into low Earth orbit, with the same flair as a toddler chucking blocks. The first stage returned to its precious drone ship, "Just Read the Instructions," proving that even rockets deserve a cushy landing. Because why not keep launching junk into the sky? Progress, right?
The Good Ol'Ads
Amazon launches Project Kuiper satellites designed to compete with Elon Musk’s SpaceX
Acidly: Amazon just launched 27 satellites for Project Kuiper, hoping to leap into the connectivity race against SpaceX's Starlink. While Musk's network already boasts 4.6 million customers, Amazon's tech whizzes are barely taking off amid Wall Street's skepticism. Analysts say they might as well be flying kites—too little, too late. After splurging $17 billion, the $1 billion annual loss looms large. Sure, maybe NATO will celebrate Bezos over Musk, but who cares? It’s just another billionaire tussle in the final frontier.
Qualcomm's Snapdragon 8 Elite 2 to launch early - GSMArena.com news
Acidly: Qualcomm's cooked up the Snapdragon 8 Elite 2, 'cause who doesn't love another excuse to throw cash at more shiny tech? Rumor has it, we'll see this miracle chip arrive in late September, just in time for Android makers to try and keep pace with Apple's shiny iPhone 17. With a 30% GPU boost and a 25% CPU upgrade, it’s like putting sprinkles on a stale donut. Brace yourself, tech fanatics—devices will hit the streets faster than you can say “planned obsolescence.” Happy shopping!
Immunotherapy Drug Spares Cancer Patients From Grisly Surgeries and Harsh Therapies
Acidly: In a miraculous twist, a group of 103 cancer patients dodged the brutal standard treatments like surgery and chemo, thanks to a pricey wonder drug—dostarlimab. Researchers at Memorial Sloan Kettering found that tumors vanished in a majority of cases. Trouble is, this magical solution comes with a $99,000 price tag. But hey, who needs money when the alternative could involve a lifetime with a colostomy bag? If you can afford it, congratulations: your cancer might just take the hint and disappear.