Live updates: Trump shakes up his administration, tapping Rubio as acting national security adviser
Acidly: In Alabama, Doug Jones rallied students, claiming they were there for a "movement," not just to chant empty protest slogans. Meanwhile, the Trump administration, with court battles over refugee admissions, showcased its inability to grasp basic human rights. Vice President JD Vance, in his mind, promoted Waltz's "ambassador" gig as a soaring "promotion," while Apple breezed through tariffs with more smugness than a cat in a sunbeam. The world laughs as absurdities mount—welcome to the circus!
RFK Jr. to require placebo-controlled studies for new vaccines : Shots - Health News
Acidly: In the latest episode of "How to Sabotage Public Health," the Trump administration's new vaccine testing requirements might delay lifesaving COVID shots. HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. wants all new vaccines compared to a placebo. Experts slam this move as a ploy to undermine vaccine trust while claiming transparency. Surprise! The usual vaccine approval process? Apparently, not good enough anymore. So, let's watch as the clock ticks and the next pandemic looms—just what we need! Who needs public health anyway?
Rising U.S. tennis talent Tyra Grant will switch to represent Italy
Acidly: Tyra Grant, the 17-year-old American tennis hopeful, has decided she’d rather trade her stars and stripes for an Italian flag. Raised in Italy and now seeking greener sponsorship pastures, Grant is swapping nationality as if it's just a casual wardrobe change. With one foot on U.S. soil and the other flirting with Rome, she’s a perfect poster child for opportunistic dual citizenship. After all, who wouldn’t want to skip the mega competition in the U.S. and comfortably bask in Italy's lackluster tennis scene? Ciao, America!
The Good Ol'Ads
NFL rookies who could make an instant impact, plus why eight teams will be getting a new uniform in 2025
Acidly: Ah, the thrill of the NFL Draft, where teams engage in a mockery of football logic, desperately hoping to snag the next superstar while ignoring the countless busts lining the history books. As for the teams’ best picks, some questionable talents like fifth-round QB Shedeur Sanders are celebrated like Unsung Heroes. Meanwhile, the Jets' Jordan Travis retires after a glorious season of doing nothing, proving that real winners know when to call it quits. Good luck, NFL, with those "Rivalries" uniforms. Just what we needed!
'Buena Vista Social Club,' 'Death Becomes Her' and 'Maybe Happy Ending' lead Tony Award nominations
Acidly: Broadway is playing musical chairs with 10 Tony nominations each for “Buena Vista Social Club,” “Death Becomes Her,” and “Maybe Happy Ending.” Meanwhile, long-dead shows like “A Wonderful World” and “Swept Away” are somehow nominated too. James Monroe Iglehart woke to chaos from his phone and thought his life was in shambles, only to find joy among the living. Highlights include a drunken Mary Todd Lincoln and a musical about an alcoholic outlaw. But hey, Denzel Washington’s overpriced “Othello”? Nada. How utterly shocking!
Ronan the sea lion can keep a beat better than humans
Acidly: Ronan the sea lion is back, proving she's still got the groove at 15. Forget humans — this bright-eyed diva slays disco like it’s nobody's business. Scientists, after years of wondering if her early fame was a fluke, found she’s the real deal. Dancing to beats humans struggle with, Ronan has become the poster child for animal rhythm, outshining ten college students in a beat-keeping test. Who knew a fishy-faced marine mammal could school us on music? Looks like it's time for us to take notes from the sea.
The Good Ol'Ads
Apple earnings recap: Stock slips as China sales miss; Tim Cook warns of possible $900 million tariff hit in June quarter
Acidly: Apple's gushing about a potential $900 million tariff hit while flaunting $24.8 billion profits. CEO Tim Cook danced around questions like a politician at a debate. Sure, if the stars align and tariffs don’t change, profits could take a tiny tickle. But hey, isn’t it heartwarming how corporations pretend to care? The public’s fate hangs on the whims of tariffs like a bad rom-com plot twist. Meanwhile, competition heats up from HYDRA, oops, I mean, Huawei. Cheers, Apple! Keep that crystal ball handy.
Microsoft raises Xbox console, game prices amid Trump tech tariffs: 20% spike for some
Acidly: In a shocking turn of events, Microsoft is raising Xbox prices, blaming everything from “market conditions” to Trump's tariffs like they suddenly popped out of thin air. The Xbox Series S? A mere $80 hike. The Series X? A casual extra $100. Controllers, too—because why not? All while pretending to empathize with gamers as they slap on $10 to first-party titles. If you thought gaming was about fun, think again—it's now officially about breaking the bank. Thanks, Microsoft, for the "value." Never change.
RFK Jr plans placebo-trial testing for 'all new vaccines'
Acidly: In a baffling twist, the HHS is requiring placebo testing for new vaccines, promising "radical transparency." Because nothing screams clarity like complicating access to life-saving shots. Experts say this could slow down rolling out, especially for updated Covid vaccines. HHS, under health secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who’s peddled vaccine misinformation, calls it "straightforward." Meanwhile, parents are urged to do personal research on vaccines that have been proven safe for decades. Bravo, HHS! The science community is thrilled.