‘It’s a bribe’: MAGA media stars bash Trump’s reported Qatar plane gift
Acidly: In a shocking turn of events, some die-hard Trump fans have suddenly grown a conscience over the President’s plan to accept a luxury jet from Qatar. How noble of them! Even Daily Wire’s Ben Shapiro is clutching his pearls, implying a Hunter Biden-esque scandal. Critics worry it’s a bribe, despite Trump’s insistence that only "stupid people" would refuse such gifts. Meanwhile, press secretaries swagger around, claiming it’s all “in compliance”—because that’s what honesty looks like, right? What a uniquely pathetic spectacle.
American-Israeli hostage Edan Alexander freed from Hamas captivity, in IDF custody
Acidly: Edan Alexander, the last American hostage held by Hamas, is back on his feet after a three-week vacation in Gaza. Charming, right? After phone calls with his mom and hugs with his little brother—who's somehow grown taller during the ordeal—he’s finally home, thanks to some diplomatic footwork and a sprinkle of Trump magic. Meanwhile, over 50 hostages remain, but who’s counting? Let’s pop the confetti for Alexander while we’re at it. Just a reminder that in war, sad news makes for great photo ops. Cheers!
Resistance and extractivism: Inside Carrara, Italy’s home of white marble
Acidly: Ah, Carrara, the town that carved its name into luxury—literally. For over 2,000 years, it’s been a marble factory for the elite. But now? It's a dusty ghost town, with locals fleeing as corporations swap artistry for industrial processes. Marble, once a symbol of status, now decorates toothpaste and paint. As profits pour elsewhere, youth abandon their dwindling hometown. Yet, some brave souls resist this capitalist horror show, hoping to resurrect something from the ruins. Good luck with that!
The Good Ol'Ads
2025 NBA Draft order, Lottery results: Mavericks win No. 1 pick with long odds, will likely take Cooper Flagg
Acidly: In a shocking twist that no one saw coming—except maybe everyone—the Dallas Mavericks snagged the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft Lottery with a 1.8% chance. Pathetic season? Check. Traded Luka Dončič? Double check. Now, they’re likely to pick Cooper Flagg, the college superstar who made more headlines than their pitiful last season. Meanwhile, the real winners are the Brooklyn Nets, who have amassed more picks than they know what to do with. The Knicks forfeited their pick because, well, tampering. Surprise!
Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs racketeering trial: Highlights from May 12, 2025
Acidly: Sean Diddy Combs’ trial is turning Manhattan’s courtroom drama into a circus. Daniel Phillip, a male stripper, revealed that when he first met Combs, the man was hiding behind a cap and bandana and spun a yarn about being into “importing.” Fast forward to a violent encounter with ex Cassie, which allegedly included hair-pulling and screaming. Combs is accused of running a “Freak Off” sex empire, all while his mom watches with a heartwarming "Hi, Mom!" from the gallery. Can't imagine she’s proud.
Uncontrolled Soviet Probe Crashes to Earth, Hitting Unknown Location
Acidly: Oh, look! After 53 years of aimlessly orbiting Earth like that one uncle we all try to avoid, Kosmos 482 finally took the plunge. Apparently, it tried for Venus but instead opted for an ocean crash course in the Indian Ocean, though nobody's sure where exactly. With multiple agencies spreading more confusion than clarity, maybe it just wanted to show us how not to execute a mission. As for the debris? Well, it’s either chilling in the deep or vaporized—a fitting end for a mission that fizzled out ages ago.
The Good Ol'Ads
US-China Tariff Pause Spurs Stock Market Surge
Acidly: Oh look, stocks are soaring simply because the U.S. and China agreed to lower their tariffs—how generous of them! The S&P 500 gained 3.3% after the announcement. Bravo! Meanwhile, investors hold their breaths, anxiously waiting for the next tweet from Trump that could reverse this miraculous “thaw.” But don't worry, we're told this time it's different; tariffs won't go over 100%—yippee! Who needs economic stability when you have this delightful circus? Cheers to temporary relief in a never-ending trade tango!
Samsung launches slimmest smartphone as races against rival Apple
Acidly: House Republicans are apparently on a mission to sabotage electric vehicles—because who needs cleaner air and a future, right? They’ve proposed axing the EV tax credit and efficiency rules. Apparently, saving the planet is outta style. Meanwhile, Trump's busy cutting out middlemen in drug pricing, hoping Americans will love their pills as much as they love his hair. Just wait—next, they'll tell you climate change is a hoax. Buckle up, it’s going to be a rocky ride to extinction!
After 2 reported deaths, officials tell Ixchiq users age 60+ to stop vaccine temporarily
Acidly: U.S. health officials have put the brakes on the Ixchiq vaccine, a recent wonder for chikungunya, after reports of frightening side effects. Apparently, 17 seniors experienced “serious adverse events” post-vaccine, with two deaths (no clarification on where). Sure, the vaccine might help stave off fever and joint pain from pesky mosquitoes, but who needs more complications in their lives? With 80,000 doses already doled out, let’s just keep our fingers crossed that no more adverse events pop up! Stress-free, right?