Supreme Court justices appear divided in birthright citizenship arguments
Acidly: Oh joy, the Supreme Court is at it again, grappling with the nuances of citizenship like it’s an episode of a legal drama. Trump’s executive order on birthright citizenship is in the spotlight – because, why bother with the Constitution's established 127-year precedent? Solicitor General Sauer confidently argues that the Fourteenth Amendment only applies to the worthy (read: not “illegal aliens” or “temporary visitors”). The justices, however, seem torn, with questions spiraling into a legislative circus. Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode: "Who Gets to Be a Citizen?"
Ukraine updates: Zelenskyy slams Putin's absence in Turkey
Acidly: Oh, here we go again! Ukraine's Zelenskyy decided to throw shade at Putin's no-show at peace talks in Turkey, calling the Russian delegation "decorative." Meanwhile, Putin gets to play the mysterious puppet master while his second-tier minions try to pretend they're competent negotiators. What a circus! Zelenskyy, sensing the lack of seriousness, opted to send his defense minister instead. Spoiler alert: no breakthroughs expected. Just a delightful dance of diplomatic doublespeak, with real progress as elusive as a unicorn.
The rich are fleeing – what next?
Acidly: Keir Starmer thinks Britain's about to be overrun by a horde of foreign invaders in flip-flops. His latest white paper aims to slash migration because heaven forbid we become an "island of strangers." Meanwhile, isn't he aware that countless Brits are already waving goodbye from the departures lounge? Maybe instead of fretting about who’s arriving, he should focus on making sure fewer are eager to leave. But hey, why solve real issues when you can pander to xenophobia and boost your subscriber count?
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2025 PGA Championship leaderboard: Live coverage, scoreboard updates, golf scores today in Round 1
Acidly: In a shocking twist at the 2025 PGA Championship, the hype around the top three stars—Scheffler, McIlroy, and DeChambeau—fizzled faster than a flat soda. After a thrilling first day, Jhonattan Vegas, a man deemed an underdog at 300-1, hit a jaw-dropping 7-under 64. Meanwhile, Scheffler was just two holes above mediocrity, and McIlroy crumbled, turning double bogeys into a trend. The leaderboard now resembles a bad reality show—who will fold under pressure and who will remain shockingly irrelevant? Stay tuned.
Sean 'Diddy' Combs trial live updates: Cassie Ventura responds to 'freak off' texts during cross-examination in sex trafficking case
Acidly: Ah yes, the riveting sequel to “Hip-Hop Hooray or Nah?” featuring Sean “Diddy” Combs, currently attempting to charm a jury while facing charges hotter than his latest single. Ex-girlfriend Cassie Ventura takes center stage, recounting a love affair sprinkled generously with violence and "freak offs." Texts prove their chaotic romance was as consensual as a cat at a dog park. If found guilty, Diddy’s next album will be “Cell Block Blues.” Eight weeks to witness a celebrity self-destruct; get your popcorn ready!
James Webb telescope reveals 'impossible' auroras on Jupiter that have astronomers scratching their heads
Acidly: On Christmas 2023, scientists decided to gift themselves a peek at Jupiter’s auroras through the James Webb Space Telescope. Reportedly, it was a "gift that blew them away"—as if they'd never seen a planet throw a tantrum before. These auroras, a cosmic light show so bright they make Earth’s look lame, left researchers with more questions than answers. Apparently, the data from Hubble was about as useful as a chocolate teapot—perfect for scratching heads, not solving mysteries. Merry Christmas, indeed!
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Walmart warns it will raise prices because of tariffs
Acidly: Walmart's CEO Doug McMillon warned that Trump's tariffs are pinching their low-price charm and guess what? You’ll be paying more soon for your beloved electronics and toys. As if toy prices weren't inflated enough! While Trump dances around with trade agreements, McMillon’s advice is crystal clear: brace yourselves for those price hikes by month’s end. Isn't retail magic grand? Actual prices might rise, but at least Walmart still offers you a “wider selection” of overpriced items. Enjoy shopping!
Sony announces WH-1000XM6 wireless noise-canceling headphones - GSMArena.com news
Acidly: Sony's WH-1000XM6 headphones: because who doesn’t want to fork over $450 for the "ultimate" sound experience? They supposedly offer "studio-level accuracy," though, let's be real, most users won’t know the difference between that and a tin can. With fancier noise cancelation that'll adapt faster than your ex moving on, you might think you’re living the high life. But hey, if you’re still interested, you can snag last year's models for cheaper. Welcome to nostalgia – both in price and tech!
Here’s who is most likely to die from ‘broken heart syndrome,’ new study says
Acidly: In a stunning revelation from the Journal of the American Heart Association, researchers discovered that “broken heart syndrome” inflicts more fatalities on men than women—11.2% vs. 5.5%. Apparently, the male heart crumples under stress more dramatically, proving that men don't just break down emotionally; they break down anatomically too. And who knew? White people lead the death toll. So, a friendly reminder: if your heart's feeling heavy, don’t just cry—consider that it might literally kill you. Fantastic.