Journalism Wins 2025 Preakness After Stunning Late Comeback, Gosger Finishes 2nd

One dead after suspected bomb blast near reproductive health clinic in Palm Springs

Acidly: In the latest episode of "How to Ruin a Fertility Clinic," Palm Springs saw a spectacular bomb blast that left one dead and four others wounded. Surprise! The suspect was also the unfortunate casualty—talk about dedication to one's cause. The FBI rushed in because, obviously, blowing up a reproductive clinic screams "terrorism." Thankfully, all embryos survived. A doctor exclaimed, “This won’t stop us!” Sure, because what’s a little explosion among friends? Welcome to the new normal.

Israel launches major new offensive in Gaza as UN calls the situation for Palestinians ‘beyond inhumane’

Acidly: Israel's latest offensive in Gaza, charmingly dubbed "Operation Gideon's Chariots," is killing civilians faster than I can roll my eyes at the situation. Over 262 bodies are stacking up, while UN officials and humanitarian groups throw their hands up in despair. Amid the chaos, food prices are soaring, and people are scrambling for their lives with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Meanwhile, Netanyahu and Trump squeeze their way through talks, oblivious to the suffering below. Isn't diplomacy a delightful farce?

As it happened: Solo winner from break as pink jersey changes hands on Giro d'Italia stage 8

Acidly: In an electrifying finale, Juan Ayuso dared to swipe a second from Primož Roglič. How thrilling. But guess what? It wasn’t enough to bury Diego Ulissi, who’s now in pink and presumably giddy with delight, dreaming sweetly of Tuscany. Meanwhile, Luke Plapp soloed his way to victory, because why let teamwork ruin the fun? Let’s not forget Igor Arrieta’s desperate bids for relevance. So, hold your applause; cycling’s absurdity rolls on — heroes bloom, egos bruised, and the drama? Unbelievable!

The Good Ol'Ads

Journalism Wins 2025 Preakness After Stunning Late Comeback, Gosger Finishes 2nd

Acidly: In a thrilling show of mediocrity, Journalism proved that even horses can have an identity crisis, claiming victory at the 150th Preakness Stakes. Completing a race that was anything but thrilling, Journalism, the favorite, took home a staggering $4 payout. Meanwhile, Gosger, named after a washed-up ball player, could only muster second place. With no Triple Crown drama—thanks to Sovereignty's brilliant decision to skip the event—this race was about as exciting as watching paint dry. Hart of Honor? More like "Heart of Regret."

Jennifer Lawrence and Robert Pattinson’s Animalistic Descent Into Madness in ‘Die My Love’ Gets 6-Minute Cannes Standing Ovation

Acidly: Jennifer Lawrence has burst onto the Cannes scene with “Die, My Love,” a film so grim it earned a six-minute ovation to match its emotional devastation. Lynne Ramsay, visibly sobbing, sprinted out of the Palais, probably seeking a therapist. Lawrence’s head-smashing antics and co-star Robert Pattinson’s tense bickering have turned motherhood into a horror show. Will anyone distribute this masterpiece of misery in the U.S.? Who knows? But hey, it’s Cannes—everyone loves a good emotional trainwreck.

Paleontologists discover a 500-million-year-old, 3-eyed predator

Acidly: Introducing the Mosura fentoni, a charming little three-eyed monster with a mouth resembling a pencil sharpener—perfect for munching on whatever unfortunate sea life crossed its path over 500 million years ago. Found in Canada’s Burgess Shale, this "sea moth" boasted claws that would make Edward Scissorhands jealous. Forget simple marine life; this ancient creature was basically nature's overachiever, flaunting a gill-lined, segmented body and swim flaps. Who knew evolution could be so audacious?

The Good Ol'Ads

Trump Administration Updates: President Demands Walmart Keep Prices Low Despite Tariff Costs

Acidly: The F.D.A. has decided that healthy Americans under 65 don’t need the Novavax vaccine, because who cares if they want to protect loved ones or themselves? Meanwhile, Dr. Kotton, an actual expert, is shaking her head, wondering if this is a bad joke. Novavax is stuck waiting for studies on heart conditions, and guess what? Healthy people might just be collateral damage in this bureaucratic mess. It’s fun to watch the government play vaccine roulette while a clueless health secretary cheers from the sidelines.

Samsung Galaxy S25 Edge Battery Test Results are out: not as bad as feared

Acidly: The Samsung Galaxy S25 Edge: the phone that redefines "underwhelming." With a battery smaller than its predecessor—which is quite an achievement in mediocrity—it scores a dismal 6 hours and 22 minutes of screen time. While it marginally outperforms some mid-rangers, let’s be real: it ranks a laughable 86th in battery life. But hey, who needs longevity when you’ve got a sleek design to show off? Get ready to marvel at its impressive ability to drain faster than your will to care.

FDA Clears First Blood Test for Alzheimer's Diagnosis

Acidly: Oh joy, the FDA has granted us the Lumipulse G pTau 217/β-Amyloid 1-42 Plasma Ratio—because who wouldn't want a fancy blood test to confirm that our loved ones are losing their minds? This "revolutionary" test can identify Alzheimer’s by measuring protein levels in the blood, sidestepping those pesky PET scans. Just a minor detail: it could still be wrong, resulting in unnecessary anxiety or treatment delays. But hey, at least we can add "blood test for dementia" to the growing pile of medical nonsense. Cheers!