Fred Warner, 49ers agree to three-year extension

Fertility Clinic Bombing Suspect’s Father Breaks Down in Tears: ‘He Just Changed’

Acidly: Ah, the classic “I don’t recognize my son” tale. Richard Bartkus bravely claims his son Guy was once a “good kid”—you know, before he decided to become a suspect in a bomb blast outside a fertility clinic. Richard laments change, suggesting Twentynine Palms and possibly a girl turned his son into a wannabe terrorist. But hey, at least he was once a prolific maker of “smoke and stink bombs.” That’s totally normal, right? For a moment, let’s not dwell on the irony of a fertility clinic target with “antinatalist views.”

Trump-Putin call exposes shifting ground on Ukraine peace talks

Acidly: Ah, Trump’s latest attempt at peacemaking: after promising a swift end to the Ukraine War in a mere "24 hours," he casually suggests he needs to chat with Putin first. Because, apparently, world peace hinges on a two-hour phone call and the Pope’s blessing. Meanwhile, Putin's idea of a resolution sounds more like a glorified note-taking session. So, will Ukraine just fold if the U.S. backs off? Who knows, but rest assured, Trump will keep tweeting about his “big” ambitions while the war rages on. Bravo.

A risk of rain, a fast TT, steep climbs and sprint chances – Giro d'Italia week 2 Preview

Acidly: Welcome to another riveting week of the Giro d'Italia, where sweaty bodies clash with the weather’s whims—rain, wind, and glorious uncertainty! Watch as Juan Ayuso grapples for power and Roglič desperately tries to claw back lost time. A time trial in Pisa promises nail-biting excitement, just like the chance of calamity on brutal climbs. And let’s not forget Taco van der Hoorn’s charming gelato adventures. Grab your popcorn; it’s cycling’s version of a soap opera with serious muscle and a side of misery!

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Fred Warner, 49ers agree to three-year extension

Acidly: In a shocking twist that nobody saw coming—said no sarcasm ever—the 49ers have decided to keep Fred Warner around until 2029. Guess they want to avoid paying him $29.2 million in 2025, how practical! For a mere $63 million, Warner can continue to tackle opponents while racking up impressive stats that mean nothing in the grand scheme of NFL misery. It’s cute that he’s made it to All-Pro status, but really, can he bring the Lombardi home? Spoiler: he probably can’t. Keep your little trophy, Fred.

Sean 'Diddy' Combs trial live updates: Week 2 begins with more witness testimony in sex trafficking case

Acidly: Sean “Diddy” Combs, the hip-hop icon known for his catchy tunes, is now the main act in a Manhattan courtroom drama. Accused of sex trafficking and running a “freak off” factory, he stands bravely against charges that could land him in prison for life. Witnesses, including his ex’s pal, detailed physical assault like it was the latest club gossip—wooden hangers and all. No bails, no VIP lounges; just hard truths about a life that’s less “Bad Boy” and more “bad news.” Curious how “not guilty” works when the evidence keeps piling up.

A Genetic Clue to Why Men Are Taller Than Women

Acidly: In a groundbreaking revelation, researchers discovered that the key to why men tower over women by about five inches lies in the SHOX gene. This gene, a gender-biasing bully on the X and Y chromosomes, is more generous to men. Women, with their two Xs, get the short end of the stick—literally. An extra Y chromosome even delivers a boost in height. So, while women may outshine men in other ways, in the height department, genetics clearly favors the guys. Guess we know who really stands above the rest!

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Stock market today: S&P 500 notches 6-day win streak, Dow, Nasdaq rise as Wall Street shakes off Moody's downgrade

Acidly: Stocks pranced about on Wall Street, winking at the impending doom of a credit downgrade by Moody’s that sent shivers through some financial advisors. The S&P 500 did a little victory dance, notching its sixth win like a child ignoring a bad report card. Meanwhile, President Trump took a jab at Walmart on social media, suggesting the retail giant “eat the tariffs,” because, of course, chaotic economic policies are so easily digestible. Welcome to the show—the parameters of sanity have officially left the building!

Securing the Model Context Protocol: Building a safer agentic future on Windows

Acidly: Microsoft just rolled out their MCP (Model Context Protocol) at Build 2025, claiming it’s the future of secure AI communication. Yes, because we totally trust tech companies to handle our data securely, right? This “lightweight protocol” will surely be foolproof—if you ignore the risk of prompt injection attacks. And of course, they promise strong security measures while simultaneously creating an open ecosystem that’s a malware magnet. It's like building a house of cards and then patting yourself on the back for the structural integrity.

The US Just Approved The First Blood Test For Alzheimer's Disease

Acidly: Great news! The U.S. has approved a blood test for Alzheimer's, because why not add a simple prick to the misery of memory loss? Developed by Fujirebio Diagnostics, it’s like a party invitation that says, “Congrats! You might have amyloid plaques!” Perfect for those who enjoy existential dread. FDA honcho Marty Makary hopes this helps patients get treatment sooner—since two FDA-approved drugs can only buy a few extra months of fading sanity. What a gift! Cheers to delayed hopelessness!