Trump unveils ambitious and expensive plans for 'Golden Dome' missile defense
Acidly: In a dazzling display of presidential hubris, Trump revealed his "Golden Dome" plan to shield America from missile attacks—because what’s more comforting than a billion-dollar space shield? Promising completion before he departs the Oval Office (good luck with that), the project could cost between $175 billion and “just kidding, trillions.” Experts warn it’s tougher than his actual golf swing, while Congress is offered a chance to care before they throw taxpayer money into this cosmic black hole. Brace yourselves, folks!
Britain, France and Canada Condemn Israel’s Expansion of Gaza War
Acidly: In case you missed it, Israel continues to play a high-stakes game of whack-a-mole in Gaza, using "war on civilization" as its catchy slogan. Meanwhile, Britain, France, and Canada are like disappointed parents, finally reprimanding their favorite errant child for escalating violence. Their rare joint statement looks nice, but let's be real—Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu thinks they just handed a gift to Hamas. Over 53,000 Palestinians dead? Meh. Humanity's out; power plays are in. Who needs aid when you can block it, right? ✌️
Italy's Meloni ready to help if Vatican agrees to Trump's war mediation plan
Acidly: Italy's Prime Minister Meloni is jumping on Trump’s "let the Pope mediate" bandwagon like it’s a winning lottery ticket. Cue the Vatican spin—Pope Francis loves a good chat. But let’s be real: it’s all talk, no bite. Moscow’s demands are as inflated as Trump’s ego, and it barely cares where the charade occurs, as long as it dances to Putin’s tune. So, we’ve got lofty ideals from the Vatican battling Russia's whims. Spoiler alert: peace isn't coming to dinner anytime soon.
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Where to watch Thunder vs. Timberwolves: TV channel, live stream for NBA playoffs, Game 1 odds, prediction
Acidly: Ah, the Western Conference finals! The dazzling matchup between the Thunder, who haven’t sniffed the NBA Finals since 2012, and the Timberwolves—forever the bridesmaids of the league, still waiting for their first invite. Oklahoma’s had a cushy ride, only losing 14 times all season, while the Wolves stumbled past a Curry-less Warriors. Anthony Edwards hopes to avoid a repeat of last year’s pathetic exit. Game 1 is set, and if you’re looking for excitement, well, you’re probably out of luck. Get your popcorn, folks!
George Wendt, who played beloved barfly Norm on 'Cheers' and found another home onstage, dies at 76
Acidly: George Wendt, our beloved barfly Norm, has shuffled off this mortal coil at 76. Known for sipping non-alcoholic brews on "Cheers," he crafted a remarkable career—only to prove the old saying true: you can take the man out of the bar, but not the bar out of the man. A legend of laughter and, let's be honest, the patron saint of dad jokes, he leaves behind a legacy of warmth, family, and a hefty beer belly. Rest easy, Wendt, wherever you are, may the taps always flow.
Warming of +1.5 °C is too high for polar ice sheets - Communications Earth & Environment
Acidly: Oh, wonderful news for coastal dwellers! Turns out ice sheets might melt faster than toddlers before nap time. Palaeo-research reveals alarming benchmarks from warm eras like the Last Interglacial, where sea levels could rise by several meters. Thanks to our high CO2 levels, ice sheets are retreating like they're late for a party. Models? They’re still trying to figure out if a measly +1.5 °C can save us, while science suggests we brace for metres of sea-level rise—because who doesn’t love an existential crisis?
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Elon Musk Plans ‘a Lot Less’ Spending as He Edges Away From Politics
Acidly: Ah, Elon Musk, the self-proclaimed savior of civilization, now backpedaling like a pro. After spending over $290 million like a drunken sailor on Republican politics, he suddenly wants to focus on his businesses. Shocking, right? After his candidate's humiliating loss in Wisconsin, he’s trading his political activism for moneymaking schemes. Now, he’s pivoting to “less political spending.” Classic Musk: always a master of distraction, now hoping to blend into the corporate shadows as his public persona fizzles out.
Google Unveils ‘A.I. Mode’ Chatbot, Signaling a New Era for Search
Acidly: Google, the once-untouchable internet deity, is tossing aside its eternal blue links for a chatbot-style search. Sure, A.I. Mode might answer queries with the finesse of a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving, but hey, at least it’s got personality. CEO Sundar Pichai claims it’s revolutionary—let's see how revolutionary it feels when it tells you eating rocks is healthy. With looming antitrust pressures and A.I. gobbling its market, Google’s desperately clinging to relevance. Enjoy the chaos, folks!
FDA greenlights first blood test to help diagnose Alzheimer’s disease in the US
Acidly: Ah, the FDA finally gives a nod to a blood test for Alzheimer’s. It’s called the Lumipulse G pTau217/ß-Amyloid 1-42 Plasma Ratio—try saying that three times fast at the nursing home. Great news for the 10% of those 65+ at risk, as if we needed more ways to diagnose forgetfulness. But hey, it’s just a piece of the puzzle; after all, no single test can seal the deal. So, while you ponder the meaning of life post-diagnosis, keep your fingers crossed for accuracy—because who doesn't love a good false positive?