What we know about the 2 Israeli Embassy staffers killed in DC shooting: 'Young couple with bright future'
Acidly: Two underappreciated staffers at the Israeli Embassy, Yaron Lischinsky and Sarah Lynn Milgrim, were abruptly silenced outside the Capital Jewish Museum. He had dreams of popping the question; she was fighting climate change and building bridges between Israelis and Palestinians. Too bad real life doesn't have a happy ending—only bullets do. Their ambitious resumes, packed with lofty goals, now serve as quaint reminders of how fragile life is. The world lost a "mensch" and a passionate advocate, proving once again that fate is a cruel joker.
The U.K. hands Chagos Islands over to Mauritius but says it will secure a U.S. base
Acidly: Ah, the British Empire strikes again. This time it’s a sweet little deal handing over the Chagos Islands to Mauritius—after kicking its residents out, of course. Sure, the U.K. keeps Diego Garcia, a U.S. military playground, for another 99 years because who wouldn’t want to keep a strategic base over moral decency? Prime Minister Starmer hails it as vital for security while conveniently ignoring the right of Chagossians to return. Welcome to modern colonialism: a pity parade masked as diplomacy.
Italy changes law on right to claim citizenship through great-grandparents
Acidly: In a dazzling display of bureaucracy, Italy’s government, under Giorgia Meloni’s right-wing magic, just slapped a "no" stamp on those dreaming of citizenship through great-grandparents. Nice catch for 80 million hopefuls! So much for national heritage—better pack your bags for a decade-long residency grind, complete with language tests and income proofs. And if you can’t afford it? Tough luck! Your Italian dream is vaporized. Cheers to red tape and shattered dreams—Italy's new national sport!
The Good Ol'Ads
Greatest shot of Tyrese Haliburton's life and best game of Aaron Nesmith's career stoke Pacers-Knicks rivalry
Acidly: Oh, the Knicks' grand return to NBA playoffs turned into a reality TV show. Leading by 17, they thought they had it all figured out. Then the Pacers, fueled by Aaron Nesmith's 30-point eruption and Tyrese Haliburton's clutch shot, decided to crash the party. A buzzer-beater that ricocheted off the rim, confusion over whether it was a three or a two, and a choke gesture marred by "historical" significance. Classic Knicks: They choked harder than a first-time karaoke performer. Welcome back to the psychological drama, folks!
Kid Cudi says Diddy broke into his home, unwrapped his family's Christmas gifts, and shut his dog in the bathroom
Acidly: In the latest episode of "Rich People Problems," Kid Cudi spills the tea on Sean "Diddy" Combs' antics during his sex-trafficking trial. Apparently, Diddy burst into Cudi's house, traumatizing Cudi's poor dog and tearing through Christmas gifts meant for his family—definitely a mature response to relationship drama. After the break-in, Cudi's Porsche got firebombed, so they had a heartwarming “let's settle this” meeting. Spoiler: Diddy played the calm villain card and denied everything. Classic!
'Super-vision' contact lenses let wearers see in the dark — even with their eyes closed
Acidly: Scientists have waved their magic wands and conjured night-vision contact lenses that supposedly give us "super-vision." Who needs bulky goggles when you can just slap these overpriced lenses on your peepers? They claim mice preferred dark boxes with these lenses, so clearly, they’re the next best thing since sliced bread. But hold your applause! They're still limited to bright LED lights—because who doesn't want to squint to see in the dark? Maybe they’ll work out the kinks before you can see through your neighbor's curtains.
The Good Ol'Ads
Stock futures are little changed as elevated Treasury yields weigh on sentiment: Live updates
Acidly: Investors are anxiously watching stocks hover like a bad smell, with all indexes barely moving. The Dow eked out a glorious 14-point gain—wow, call the press! Meanwhile, Treasury yields hit record highs, sending hints that the U.S. might as well print Monopoly money to deal with its debt crisis, because why not? The Treasury's fate hangs on the Senate, and who doesn't trust a bunch of politicians? As we head into a long weekend, it’s clear: the market’s basically just a tragicomedy in slow motion. Enjoy the Memorial Day barbecue!
Glass redux: Google aims to avoid past mistakes as it brings Gemini to your face
Acidly: Google’s grand revival of smart glasses: because they couldn’t let the sad failure of Google Glass die in peace. The new Android XR glasses promise the world, showing an impressive AR interface spiced with Gemini AI—just don’t mistake it for groundbreaking. With a design that makes them look like regular specs, they still boast a chunky build reminding you it’s tech you’re strapping to your face. Sure, they capture your every glance, but let’s hope they don’t crash mid-conversation like their ancestors. Privacy invasion, anyone?
Target mosquito parasites with drugs to cut malaria, study says
Acidly: In a brilliant stroke of genius, Harvard researchers decided that instead of exterminating the little bloodsuckers wreaking havoc, let’s just medicate them. Yes, let's give mosquitoes malaria drugs to eliminate their parasites. Why not save the world one disease-ridden insect at a time? Their exciting plan involves using bed nets coated in drugs, because who doesn’t love a pharmacy slumber party? Sure, we might wait a solid six years for this to pan out, but think of it as mosquito rehab—rehabilitating them, one bite at a time.